生病了两天，回来了。ISSUE146，欢迎砖块！

千翼UID: 199721

修改过一下，有点长了
over the past century, the most significant contribution of technology has been to make people's lives more comfortable.
------正文------
I have ever seen the picture of the earth sent from satellites. Surprisingly, so-call civilization in that picture is some brown spots that expand as cities grow in the green land, like many scars. I accept that, over the past century, science and technology has whirled at a high speed beyond our imagination, but the contribution of technology dosen't equal to enhance the level of people’s lives. In fact, it is misleading that technology can lead a brighter future.

Admittedly, to some extent, the improvement of technology indeed makes people's lives more comfortable. The original purpose of technology is to promote people's lives. In fact, people attain this goal: our lives have changed a lot in comparison with of the past. Today, we can leave from Beijing to New York in one day, much less than before; people can send message by internet, instead of by post office; we can reach the moon and come back, which is an illusion in the past; we can buy all sorts of colorful and fashionable clothes, whether we like any style. Undoubtedly, our lives have become more comfortable than ever before.

However, the improvement of technology must not mean that people can live in a   more comfortable state. To contrary, with the development of technology, our lives face the great threat. War is a good example. In the past, War was undertaken by the weapon whose Lethality is relatively less, such as sabres, swords, horses. In the modern time, weapon is replaced by a more powerful form, including unclear weapon. As the washroom wind raised, a kind of new weapon named BOY, unclear weapon, was exploded in the Hiroshima. For a while, the whole city was destroyed completely, from the buildings to all of being. Until today, the threat still exist: many people catch blood cancer, many girls cannot grow hair, many and etc. whether the reason that people use weapons is just or not, it is fairly clear that the damage is grave.

Additionally, emphasis on the development of technology leads people to neglect something that should be care most about. over some centuries, it is taken for granted that human as the smartest feature in the world is host of the earth, which make it reasonable that people have right to change the earth into what we like. On this thought, people try to change the environment, increasing the efficient, earning the maximum income at least cost, building factories constantly, cutting a great amount of trees. But today, we find surprisingly that the world does not become better as we except. Every day, one kind of animal species say "bye" forever to the world every hour. Since advent of the industrialization, which was viewed as the sign of civilization before, the pollution sadly ensues. In a survey conducted by the government of China, owing to serious pollution, the long river, the longest river in China, is deteriorate, and the balance of environment there may maintain only ten years, if we don’t take action to protect it. When we face with those above, have we some reasons to be pride of the contribution of technology?

In sum, the improvement of technology dosen’t success in enhancing people's lives in the same extent, sometimes, even harm. But, although there are some disadvantages caused by the technology, we still should not give up developing our technology and science. What we should do is instead to try to rebuild a balance between human and nature, and focus on the environment while we do our utmost to pay attention to science. The real progress is to pursue worldwide harmony, instead of simple  development of technology. In some ways, human still has a long way to reach real comfort.

千翼UID: 199721

waiting

枫丹UID: 166492

修改过一下，有点长了
over the past century, the most significant contribution of technology has been to make people's lives more comfortable.
------正文------
I have ever seen the picture of the earth sent from satellites. Surprisingly, so-call civilization in that picture is some brown spots that expand as cities grow in the green land, like many scars. I accept that, over the past century, science and technology has whirled at a high speed beyond our imagination, but the contribution of technology dosen't equal to （后面是名词吧？）enhance the level of people’s lives. In fact, it is misleading that technology can lead a brighter future.

Admittedly, to some extent, the improvement of technology indeed makes people's lives more comfortable. The original purpose of technology is to promote people's lives. In fact, people attain this goal: our lives have changed a lot in comparison with of the past. Today, we can leave from Beijing to New York in one day, much less than before; people can send message by internet,[ （instantaneously 加一副词））instead of by post office; we can reach the moon and come back, which is an illusion in the past; we can buy all sorts of colorful and fashionable clothes, whether we like any style.[(这句怎么不明白， 是想说什么？) ]Undoubtedly, our lives have become more comfortable than ever before.

However, the improvement of technology must not（may not simply） mean that people can live in a more comfortable state. To contrary, with the development of technology, our lives face the [（the 去掉）]great threat. War is a good example. In the past, War was undertaken by the weapon whose Lethality is relatively less, such as sabres, swords, horses. In the modern time, weapon is replaced by a more powerful form, including unclear weapon. As the washroom wind raised, a kind of new weapon named BOY, unclear weapon, was exploded in the Hiroshima. For a while, the whole city was destroyed completely, from the buildings to all of being. Until today, the threat still exist: many people catch blood cancer, many girls cannot grow hair, many and etc. whether the reason that people use weapons is just or not, it is fairly clear that the damage is grave.[这一段比较清楚， 词的用法比如can,  must,注意语气上的区别 ]

Additionally, emphasis on the development of technology leads people to neglect something that should be care most about. over some centuries, it is taken for granted that human as the smartest feature in the world is host of the earth, which make it reasonable that people have right to change the earth into what we like. On this thought, people try to change the environment, increasing the efficient, earning the maximum income at least cost, building factories constantly, cutting a great amount of trees. But today, we find surprisingly that the world does not become better as we except. Every day, one kind of animal species say "bye" forever to the world every hour. [这句不错，赞一个]Since advent of the industrialization, which was viewed as the sign of civilization before, the pollution sadly ensues. In a survey conducted by the government of China, owing to serious pollution, the long river[The Changjiang River], the longest river in China, is deteriorate, and the balance of environment there may maintain only ten years, if we don’t take action to protect it. When we face with those above, have we some reasons to be pride of the contribution of technology?
[how can we take pride in the contribution of technology?][这一段是在讲技术的发展使人们忽略了什么，还是说带来了更多的反面的效果呢？似乎和前面一段在ts上区别不大啊？而且根据你的论述似乎在说 建设工厂是在主动改变环境，而我认为 环境的改变是技术发展的byproduct , 可能还需再清楚的说明一下因果关系。 ]

In sum, the improvement of technology dosen’t success in enhancing people's lives in the same[some ] extent, sometimes, even harm. But, although there are some disadvantages caused by the technology, we still should not give up developing our technology and science. What we should do is instead to try to rebuild a balance between human and nature, and focus on the environment while we do our utmost to pay attention to science. The real progress is to pursue worldwide harmony, instead of simple development of technology. In some ways, human still has a long way to reach real comfort.
[整篇文章思路没有什么问题。 先让步，然后反驳， 有些句子和词的用法不是很好，西西，米也这样，很着急。 多讨论：）希望你已经完全康复了！！！]

千翼UID: 199721

谢谢枫丹！
说的满有道理，仔细改了一下。
写到现在，其实还是词汇太差了，似乎连六级都没背下呢
PS：身体基本康复了！！