issue150, 旅游业，大家帮我看看能打多少分？有砖必回

cocoahappyUID: 199585

Issue150  
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分     587 words
------题目------
Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.
------正文------
     Whether tourism will become obsolete by the television programmes and Internet information needs serious consideration. I agree with the speaker insofar that some people indeed give up their desire to travel to some place when watch television programme about it  or search information online. However, I contend that , generally speaking, television and worldwide computer connections stimulates the development of tourism. Thus to the opposite the tourism will prosper than ever before.

    To begin with, I concede that television programmes and websites satisfy people's craving desire to travel some place especially when people are so busy with dealing with their daily affairs that they have no time to travel around. And also given that some travelling expenses  considered too expensive to afford,people could not go there and have to buy some videoes to appreciate it. For example having a scanning of the scenes of Antarctic is valuable because only few scientists and tourists could go there because of health condition and money spending. Moreover, the pictures of travelling that television programmes and hypertexts  describes offer us an aesthetic appreciation of scenes all over the world. When seem have a real journey, we also possess a journey of artistic and historical emotions by listening the wonderful music and watching the graphic images. Thus, to some extent television programmes and online information could appeal to some people who are limited to his place and could not travel around.
     
    However, I claim that television and worldwide computer could not replace our experience to travel around . The reason is that television programmes and online information are limited in time and content to introduct all scenes. Another reason is that different people often have various feelings when visit the same place. It means that  journalists, editors and other people's introdution could not replace individuals' experience. Every person has different cultural identities,personality  and living conditions  while all of these factors will have an impact on one's impression to the scenes. For example when visiting the Great Wall in China, some people may just appreciate the natural scenes of mountains and forests around; some people may be interested in arts of architecture ;some people may are attracted by the cultural history of Great Wall. Thus, in conclusion, individuals has its own views and impressions on scenes. No other individuals' experiences could replace his own .
     
    Even television programs and Internet information stimulates tourism and encourage more people to go outdoor  to have recreational experiences of traveling.Videoes and pictures inspires people's emotions to travel some place that they think are worthwhile to go there by the introduction of television and websites. Surfing on the Internet, people could search all information  they want: local food, living habits and local cultural. The information are detailed enough to make the journey pleasant . People could find the telephone numbers of local hotels and reserve their rooms. People could learn from the blogs online which narrates his experiences of travelling to the same place.  Television prgrammes and hypertext online help people make rational decisions and have a convenient journey.So it is popular that many places of interests cooperate with television station to adevertise their scenes and construct their own websites which are efficient in attracting more tourists and gaining profits.
   
    In sum, in a new century whose main topic is globalization, it is absolutely certain that more and more people will travel around and tourism will prosper than ever before. Televisions and worldwide computer connections are tools of stimulating people to go around the world to appreciate different cultures and scenes.

kkytUID: 188814

偶来了,占位学习

kkytUID: 188814

issue150, 旅游业，大家帮我看看能打多少分？有砖必回
45分 587 words 我最佩服的就是你这样的限时写这么的高手
Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can
now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.
------正文------
Whether tourism will become obsolete byby 是虾米意思 the television programmesprograms你下面好多这个单词的拼写错误，就不一一改了，关键看你的论证 and Internet information needs serious consideration. I agree with the speaker insofar as that some people indeed give up their desire to travel to some place whenafter watch television programme about it or search information online.用prefer做这个句子会更地道写 However, I contend that , generally speaking, television and worldwide computer connections stimulates the development of tourism. Thus to the opposite the tourism will prosper than ever before这是个比较句，但我没看到比较级.开头观点还是比较明确的

To begin with, I concede that television programmes and websites satisfy people's craving desire to travel some place especially when people are so busy with dealing with their daily affairs that they have no time to travel around.不错的TS句And also given that some travelling expenses considered too expensive to afford, people could not go there and have to buy some videoes to appreciate it. For example having a scanning of the scenes of Antarctic is valuable because only few scientists and tourists could go there because of health condition and money spendingconsuming. Moreover, the pictures of travelling that television programmes and hypertexts describes offer两个动词注意！ us an aesthetic appreciation of scenes all over the world这句什么意思？. When seem have a real journey没见过这么用seem 表示相同的，应该是similarly等词, we also possess a journey of artistic and historical emotions by listening the wonderful music and watching the graphic images. Thus, to some extent television programmes and online information could appeal to some people who are limited to his place and could not travel around.你这两个动作不是一个意思么，limited to his place 和not travel 这段让步，开头应该用admittedly

However, I claim that television and worldwide computer could not replace our experience to travel around . The reason is that television programmes and online information are limited in time and content to introduce all scenes. Another reason is that different people often have various feelings when visit the same place. It means that journalists, editors and other people's introduction could not replace individuals' experience. Every person has different cultural identities, personality and living conditions while all of these factors will have an impact on one's impression to the scenes. For example when visiting the Great Wall in China, some people may just appreciate the natural scenes of mountains and forests around; some people may be interested in arts of architecture ;some people may are attracted by the cultural history of Great Wall. Thus, in conclusion, individuals has its own views and impressions on scenes. No other individuals' experiences could replace his own .找的例子和理由比较充分，要是语言再好点就好了，不过限时已经不错了，replace 这个词，你在本段中已经用了4次了，感觉不好


Even表递进用moreover television programs and Internet information stimulatesstimulate fit! 语法，大牛imong 曾经告诉我们，一定在写时注意单复数问题，很显眼的 tourism and encourage more people to go outdoor to have recreational experiences of traveling. Videoes拼写 and pictures inspires又一处，晕 people's emotions to travel some place that they think are worthwhile to go there by the introduction of television and websites. Surfing on the Internet, people could search all information they want: local food, living habits and local cultural. The information areis detailed enough to make the journey pleasant .这么肯定，不见的吧 People could find the telephone numbers of local hotels and reserve their rooms. People could learn from the blogs online which narrates his experiences of travelling to the same place. 两个极其cliche的单句Television prgrammes and hypertext online help people make rational decisions and have a convenient journey. So it is popular that many places of interests cooperate with television station to adevertise their scenes and construct their own websites which are efficient in attracting more tourists and gaining profits。最好举个例子什么的，比如我们要去伦敦旅游，我们通过电视和计算机可以提前了解更多的我们要去的景点信息，作出选择，比你这样单列理由要生动的多

In sum, in a new century whose main topic is globalization,全球化是一个过程而不是main topic，你可以说以全球化为特征 it is absolutely certain我觉的这样的说法在AW里不好 that more and more people will travel around and tourism will prosper than ever before. Televisions and worldwide computer connections are tools of stimulating people to go around the world to appreciate different cultures and scenes.
in sum 你的语言还须提高，文中的短句太多，思路不错哦，加油！

fatflyUID: 190227

logic 不错，词句差些，但没关系，应该有4分，加油

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

呵呵,你的文章和我看过的某个范文的idea很相似哦,小心不要雷同哦

cocoahappyUID: 199585

多谢各位指教哦，这可能跟我看过北美的范文有关系吧，虽然没有刻意copy，可能思维上还是有些受影响吧，我会警惕的，
thanks, kkyt, fatfly, and goodgoodstudy,你们的意见都很中肯，要是早点上这个论坛就好了，嘿嘿

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

Issue150
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：45分 587 words
------题目------
Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.
------正文------
Whether tourism will become obsolete by the television programmes and Internet information needs serious consideration.[开门提出质疑，好！] I agree with the speaker insofar that some people indeed give up their desire[desire应该不能放弃吧，可能还是很想去，但是怕麻烦，所以。。。] to travel to some place when watch[首先语法错了，其次应该after阿，所以改成after watching] television programme about it or search[ing] information online. However, I contend that, generally speaking, television and worldwide computer connections stimulates the development of tourism. Thus, to the opposite the tourism will prosper than ever before.[陈述观点是：旅游业事实上是被刺激的，增长了]

To begin with, I concede that television programmes and websites satisfy people's craving desire to travel[travel不及物，加to] some place especially when people are so busy with dealing with their daily affairs that they have no time to travel around. And also given that some travelling expenses considered[不好，直接用are really就好了] too expensive to afford, people could not go there and have to buy some videoes to appreciate it. For example having a scanning of the scenes of Antarctic is valuable because only [加a]few scientists and tourists could go there because of health condition and money spending. Moreover, the pictures of travelling that television programmes and hypertexts describes[describe] offer us an aesthetic appreciation of scenes all over the world. When seem[什么意思?when seem?] have a real journey, we also possess a journey of artistic and historical emotions by listening the wonderful music and watching the graphic images. Thus, to some extent television programmes and online information could appeal to some people who are limited to his place and could not travel around.[先陈述如何如何的好,虽然没有亲身经历]

However, I claim that television and worldwide computer could not replace our experiences to travel around. The reason is that television programmes and online information are limited in time and content to introduct all scenes. Another reason is that different people often have various feelings when visit the same place. It[我个人觉得这里用which代替it直接做一个从句会很帅] means that journalists, editors and other people's introdution could not replace individuals' experiences. Every person has [a] different cultural identities[identity], personality and living conditions while all of these factors will have an impact on one's impression to the scenes.[强调每个人有不同的背景所以看待事物有不同的感受,所以在一定程度上个人的亲身经历是不可替代的,辨的不错] For example when visiting the Great Wall in China, some people may just appreciate the natural scenes of mountains and forests around; some people may be interested in arts of architecture; some people may are[be,超级低级错误,呵呵] attracted by the cultural history of Great Wall. Thus, in conclusion, individuals has its[have their] own views and impressions on scenes. No other individuals' experiences could replace his[or her] own.[这段不错,强调个人经历的不可替代性]

Even television programs and Internet information stimulates tourism and encourage more people to go outdoor to have recreational experiences of traveling[拼写错误]. Videoes and pictures inspires people's emotions to travel some place that they think are worthwhile to go there[there多余] by the introduction of television and websites. Surfing on the Internet, people could search all information they want: local food, living habits and local cultural[中心词呢]. The information are detailed enough to make the journey pleasant. People could find the telephone numbers of local hotels and reserve their rooms. People could learn from the blogs[挺新的词嘛] online which narrates his experiences of travelling to the same place. Television prgrammes and hypertext online help people make rational decisions and have[用enjoy代替] a convenient journey. So it is popular that many places of interests cooperate with television station to adevertise their scenes and construct their own websites which are efficient in attracting more tourists and gaining profits.[罗列了很多理由,都不错,内容上和思想上,不过缺乏适当的连接,可以考虑连贯一下文章]

In sum, in a new century whose main topic is globalization, it is absolutely certain that more and more people will travel around and tourism will prosper than ever before. Televisions and worldwide computer connections are tools of stimulating people to go around the world to appreciate different cultures and scenes.[不错啊,总体不错]

[呵呵,我决定把你这篇down下来自己看看,作为参考,自己就不写了,写的不错,思想上尤其清晰,]