Issue 007 高频 严格限制时间的结果，请大家看看

daifeifmmuUID: 109178

还有四天考试了，大家帮忙看看吧，多谢了

Issue7: 595 words  45 minutes   13 errors
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.

Written records play a very important role in the recording of human activities, it is unfair and useless to compare the importance between the video camera and written records, just as both the water and carbon dioxide can extinguish the big fire in most situations, both of these two media act as different roles in the stage of human history, only a balance using of these two tools according to their natural characteristics and a critical watching on the two items will bring benefit to people. Also, we should remember considering the resources limitation in different conditions and make a wise between them.

With the rapid growing of modern technology, the video camera spread into the corner of everyone's home, it is true that a vivid picture can stimulate the nerve cells of every people with normal eyes, the abstract of image through the recording data which has been used for thousands of years has been replaced much by the microchips with the brand of "high technology", also, by the wide using of internet, people from the other end of the earth will see the pictures by a gentle clicking of mouse beside a PC. When you are climbing the Everest, Mount, you can send a graph of yours by the video camera to your friends in New York City, then they can share the happiness of experience, and this can not be imagined by the people of 200 years ago.

When we are cherishing the convenience of video camera, we should pay attention to the factor that the written records are also developing into a wide extension that ever heard. There are a lot of advantages of these written materials that should mention: first of all, the traditional media record the events by the abstract of human brain which will create more color than a picture, what is more interesting and can explain this phenomenon lies in a fact that the video camera is made according to the technology material of written forms, either in an e-text document or a written one. Also, most important documents such as the Constitution of one nation is just preserved in the written form, the senior human activity on these vital explaining of one's behavior standard demonstrates the important role played by the written records.

Like two departments in the same firm, both video camera and written records should view each other with a logical processing, the combination of these two things are the right way to serve people into a right lane, and this require one can understand the essence of these two and make a right choice with different cases: most people will confess that a video camera can record the most beautiful things in a wedding of a young couples from the Buffalo City, but they also will find the embodying of a classic novel into a TV show lacks the verve of its original form, however, some beautiful pictures with a grace description of the Alps mountain will bring people with great interest and also the passion of a traveling.

Saying is one thing, doing is another, when facing different times and the shifting conditions, make a wise choice is a practical thing, we must consider the detailed condition and should know the limit of resources, trace these words should follow the paths toward the now, toward future, toward the other people, make the every "child" in the beach has the change to pick up the gems that he want without a surfing of the dangerous tides is the way that we should follow.

leonhillUID: 180388

最初由 daifeifmmu 发布
[B]还有四天考试了，大家帮忙看看吧，多谢了

With the rapid growing of modern technology, the video camera spread into the corner of everyone's home, it is true that a vivid picture can stimulate the nerve cells of every people with normal eyes, the abstract of image through the recording data which has been used for thousands of years has been replaced much by the microchips with the brand of "high technology", also, by the wide using of internet, people from the other end of the earth will see the pictures by a gentle clicking of mouse beside a PC.以下省略...... [/B]

哥们，这句太过了吧。不要走入长难句的误区，

好好看看里面又几个主语吧。我是看不下去。我感觉好象就是吧句号直接改成逗号了。简单句也会很又效果的

daifeifmmuUID: 109178

短句子还是好啊

cicadacjkUID: 203333

最后一段怎么看起来像模板啊，说实话不知道和文章关系是怎样的……
第二段看着确实晕
你的提纲应该是列举摄影机和文字记录的优点，然后提出综合他们吧。论证过程比较简单，但词汇和长句驾驭能力都不错。
那个新婚和电视剧的例子挺不错的。
感觉上可以不要写那么多，有时候为了凑字数而凑字数反而会不利于分数的提高。