Argument29 第4篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！必回拍

candybonUID: 194801

------题目------
When Ida McAllister ran for mayor of Lake City four years ago, she failed to win even 30 percent of the vote. But since then, McAllister has made public her commitment to environmental causes. She would be wise, therefore, to announce her intention to close all Lake City parks to automobile traffic, thus following the example of the former mayor of Plainsville, Alecia Yu . On the recommendation of a small group of concerned citizens, Mayor Yu prohibited automobile traffic in all Plainsville parks, and therefore was credited with solving the pollution problem and improving the quality of life in Plainsville. This action would have great appeal to the citizens of Lake City, most of whom participate in the community's recycling program, and would guarantee McAllister's success in her current quest to be Lake City's new mayor.
**********************************************************************************

Well-represented and seemingly logical though at the first glance, the argument can hardly stand up to any scrutiny due to several flaws in it.

To begin with, the cause and effect of  former mayor of Plainsville, Alecia Yu's example is so vague that would not be cited to predict the positive effect for Ida McAllister. Just as the argument said, the activities of prohibiting automobile traffic in all Plainsville parks conducted by Yu is merely under the recommendation of a small group of concerned citizens. First, the status of these people is an influential factor. Perhaps they are happen to be the directors in each publishing industries in Plainsville, who is capable of broadcast such behavior to the largest extent, in newspaper, in advertisement and other medias. Aside from the possibility list above, there would possible that Yu initiate some other compaigns that account for the main cause for his reputaion. Also perhaps the pollution is not as serious as that of in Plainsville, that the similar activity would not attract the attention of public. So, without eliminating other factors, the example of Yu can not be applied in Ida McAllister arbitrarily.

Secondly, the participation of the community's recycling program by majority of Lake City's people does not necessary guarantee the success of McAllister due to the following analysis. First, it is very possible that the activities was claimed by the opponents of McAllister, which do little good to her election. Second, the recycling program may merely forced by the increasing fee of purchase new material, while the announce made by her confined in the envornment, in which field the citizens may not  interested. In short, without detailed about the recycling program, the effect of McAllister remain unpredicted.

Finally, the factors that cause citizens to choose their mayor does not contribute only to the aspect commitment to environmen. Admittedly, the environment is an essential aspect, the people may concern more about their future life condition and economic developmetn in Lake City. Thus, they tend to vote for the candidate who is more talent in stimulate the economy growth. And also, perhaps the other candidates would do much more to solve the pollution problem that were not cited in this argument.

To sum up, both the unclear evidences and unconvincing reasoning cited in this argument, the success of McAllister can not be guarantee.

sisyliaUID: 199322

哈哈 太巧了 我刚写完这篇阿狗 正愁没人讨论 逻辑错误和你的基本相同 但在具体辩驳时和你有所不同 发上来 互相拍砖 互通有无 如何

Argument29 （452 words, 超时3分钟）
------正文------
Before agreeing that McAllister will make a success in her current quest to be Lake City’s new mayor, the reasoning of the argument should be closely scrutinized at other perspectives. The arguer alleges that the action of prohibiting automobile traffic in all Lake City part will be constructive to appeal citizens of Lake City and get their support for her pursuit of mayor position however failing to examine other alternatives that critically weakens the argument.

First of all, the arguer fails to give us the real reason for McAllister’s failure in the last election. It is entirely possible that her failure lied in other aspects such as her weak commitment on raising public’s social welfare, her strong support on levying heavy taxes on the taxpayers, and reducing investment on primary education rather than the commitment to environmental causes. Hence, for her success in appealing citizens this time, she should put much more emphasis on those aspects that led to her failure last time instead of presenting how strong her interest in environmental issues.

Another possibility neglected by the arguer is that the method taken by Mayor Yu in the city of Plainville cannot be effective in the city of Lake City since it is possible that there is big contrast between the two cities. It is possible that in the city of Plainville, citizens’ complaints about the environment is focused on the high frequency of traffic accidents happened in parks and annoyed noise generated by automobile traveling in the parks. Hence the Mayor Yu was highly applauded by the citizens simply by prohibiting automobile from all Plainville parks. However, the situation in Lake City may be significantly different. Though citizens in Lake City show their great concern in environment problems according to their activity in participating the community’s recycling program, yet the main environmental problems may not be the issues concerning the automobile in parks but the light pollution from the skyscrapers’ reflection of light, or the river crossing the city are in great need of being cleaned since it stinks all years. Consequently, even McAllister adopts the way taken by the successful Mayor Yu; however, her policy does not hit the right point that the citizens of Lake City really concern. It is obvious that the borrowed policy cannot appeal most of citizens of Lake City.

In sum, under the circumstance that alternatives above mentioned remain omitted by the arguer, it is hard for us to judge the utility of the arguer’s suggestion. To bolster the argument in accuracy and cogency, the arguer should demonstrate that the real reason for McAllister’s failure and convince us that the sole environmental problems in Lake City is related to the automobile in the parks.

ltltiouUID: 203791

sisylia:

Argument29 （452 words, 超时3分钟）
------正文------
Before agreeing that McAllister will make a success in her current quest to be Lake City’s new mayor, the reasoning of the argument should be closely scrutinized at other perspectives. （这句和下面一句我觉得可以连在一起说，这样感觉不连贯）The arguer alleges that the action of prohibiting automobile traffic in all Lake City part will be constructive to appeal citizens of Lake City and get their support for her pursuit of mayor position however failing to examine other alternatives that critically weakens the argument.



First of all, the arguer fails to give us the real reason for McAllister’s failure in the last election. It is entirely possible that her failure lied in other aspects such as her weak commitment on raising public’s social welfare, her strong support on levying heavy taxes on the taxpayers, and reducing investment on primary education rather than the commitment to environmental causes. Hence, for her success in appealing citizens this time, she should put much more emphasis on those aspects that led to her failure last time instead of presenting how strong her interest in environmental issues.
（第一段写的很好，逻辑清晰，论证全面）

Another possibility neglected by the arguer is that the method taken by Mayor Yu in the city of Plainville cannot be effective in the city of Lake City since it is possible that there is big contrast between the two cities. It is possible that in the city of Plainville, citizens’ complaints about the environment is focused on the high frequency of traffic accidents happened in parks and annoyed noise generated by automobile traveling in the parks. Hence the Mayor Yu was highly applauded by the citizens simply by prohibiting automobile from all Plainville parks. However, the situation in Lake City may be significantly different. Though citizens in Lake City show their great concern in environment problems according to their activity in participating the community’s recycling program, yet the main environmental problems may not be the issues concerning the automobile in parks but the light pollution from the skyscrapers’ reflection of light, or the river crossing the city are in great need of being cleaned since it stinks all years. Consequently, even McAllister adopts the way taken by the successful Mayor Yu; however, her policy does not hit the right point that the citizens of Lake City really concern. It is obvious that the borrowed policy cannot appeal most of citizens of Lake City.
（这段写的不好，思路有点混乱。我理解你是想写两个城市的具体情况不同，所以在P城成功的不一定在L城也成功。但是后面展开的对比似乎不恰当，你所提到的两个城的情况不在同一种类比层面上。）

另外我觉得如果批驳P和L的类比的花，这里应该展开的是两个城市的空气、环境、交通等情况 不同。你上一段中提到的L城的内容，可以单独再展开一段，这样层次清楚，内容也丰富了。

一点拙见，仅供参考^_^

In sum, under the circumstance that alternatives above mentioned remain omitted by the arguer, it is hard for us to judge the utility of the arguer’s suggestion. To bolster the argument in accuracy and cogency, the arguer should demonstrate that the real reason for McAllister’s failure and convince us that the sole environmental problems in Lake City is related to the automobile in the parks.

sisyliaUID: 199322

Well-represented and seemingly logical though at the first glance, the argument can hardly stand up to any scrutiny due to several flaws in it.(开头简洁，不错)

To begin with, the cause and effect of former mayor of Plainsville, Alecia Yu's example is so vague that would not be cited to predict the positive effect for Ida McAllister. Just as the argument said, the activities of prohibiting automobile traffic in all Plainsville parks conducted by Yu is merely under the recommendation of a small group of concerned citizens.（也许这里应该增加一些 First, the status of these people is an influential factor. Perhaps they are（are应去掉） happen to be the directors in each publishing industries in Plainsville, who is(are) capable of broadcast(broadcasting) such behavior to the largest extent, in newspaper, in advertisement and other medias. Aside from(“Besides” would be much better) the possibility listed above, there would(it is) possible that Yu initiate(initiates) some other compaigns (campaigns) that account for the main cause for his reputaion. Also perhaps the pollution is not as serious as that of in Plainsville, that the similar activity would not attract the attention of public. So, without eliminating other factors, the example of Yu can not be applied in Ida McAllister arbitrarily.(此段Yu’s例证分析的不错，但是我觉得对于Yu’s 例证因果关系分析的不够明确并不能说明Yu’s 经验不能应用于McAllister, 如果说Yu’s 经验因两城市情况的不同而不能适用于McAllister也许更为妥当，我的建议，仅供参考)

Secondly, the participation of the community's recycling program by majority of Lake City's people does not necessary guarantee the success of McAllister due to the following analysis. First, it is very possible that the activities were claimed by the opponents of McAllister, which do little good to her election. (这个他因法表述的有新意，学习ing…)Second, the recycling program may merely forced by the increasing fee of purchase new material, while the announce（announcement）made by her (is) confined in the environment, in which field the citizens may (be) not interested. In short, without detailed （detailed information or details） about the recycling program, the effect of McAllister remain unpredicted.(此结束语有取巧之意，考试时如果时间不够可用，但如是平时练习应尽量表达确切以回应此段首句，这样会显得此段有始有终，辩驳更有说服力)

Finally, the factors that cause citizens to choose their mayor does（do） not contribute only to the aspect commitment to environment. Admittedly, the environment is an essential aspect people may concern more about their future life condition and economic development in Lake City(得出这个结论的证据在文中并没有体现出来，也许只是你根据common sense得出来的结论吧。也许你是想说明L城的人并不关心环境问题而更多的关注积极发展，所以M在采取Yu’s措施时并不能赢得市民的关注， 这个思路是对的但仍有问题：1重复表述了第二个错误时的内容，也许应该吧第二个错误中伍此段相似内容部分揉在一起作为第三个错误来批判，这样或许会更好). Thus, they tend to vote for the candidate who is more talent in stimulates（stimulating） the economy growth. And also, perhaps the other candidates would do much more to solve the pollution problem that was not cited in this argument.

To sum up, both the unclear evidences and unconvincing reasoning cited in this argument, the success of McAllister can not be guarantee (guaranteed).(结尾过于简单，仍如前面所说，考试中时间紧张时适用)

总的来说，整个文章的辩驳比较有力度，但和我犯了同样的毛病就是有时思路有点乱，也许在写之前应该在整理思路方面度下功夫。听取你的建议，我会在整理一下第二个错误。在此，对你给我提出的意见表示感谢。

还有，也许你应该注意语法方面的问题，有些细节我已经改过来了，有一些也许也被我漏掉了，你可以在仔细检查一下，最好不要因为语法错误较多而降低得高分的可能性。以此共勉！