Issue51，超高频，写了两次。。

AlierUID: 159518

Issue151  第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：42分0秒     503 words
从2005年3月11日10时7分到2005年3月11日10时40分
------题目------
High-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail and television, tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication.
------正文------
Debate over the issue whether new high-speed media such as electronic mail and television lay a positive or negative influence on people's thoughtful communication almost emerged at the same time of the birth of these media. While till now different people still hold different views on it , I tend to agree with the speaker. Though these new media provides us a more convenient way to communicate with others, they nonetheless harm our forming real meaningful communication.

Admittedly, new media such as the electronic mail, mobile phone and fax facilitate us in communicating with others more directly and swiftly. While in the past, people have to meet to arrange a date, a conversation or a meeting, which is somewhat troublesome, now this can be replaced by simply typing a few words and pressing the "send", which greatly saves our time and energy. Similarly, while in the past, people living far away from each other have to bear the long delay of communication the post mail, now they can communicate by telephone or electronic mail more frequently and conveniently. These all clearly indicate that these new media greatly improve our efficiency in communication, but do they heighten our quality of communication at the same time?

Unfortunately, the fact is just to the contrary, that is, with the use of these new media, people actually feel they have less and less real thoughtful communications. Nowadays, complaints and blames on new media of electronic mail and telephone are often heard: Old people feel sad that their children now just give them a several-minute call instead of coming back home to see them on festivals; Parents are complaining their son studying distantly no longer write them long letters, but use electronic mail with only a few words; Friends are afraid that their friendship will be weakened due to the less frequent face-to-face conversation with each other.  Moreover, besides these communicate media, television, initially designed as an entertainment tool, now also faces with blames on its preventing people from meaningful communication. Though television provides us many information in a more vivid and swift way, it also occupies most of our time, which may be used to communicate with our family members, friends and so on. Some people said that since the television went into their houses, they have almost no time to get together and have meaningful conversation like in the past, and the shows or news on tv have almost become the only topic in their talking. It is also reported that the divorce rate has been increased much more after the widespread of tv sets. Though we could not conclude that the divorces are directly caused by televisions, they undoubtedly play a negative role in it.

In sum, at the same time new media bring us a more efficient and convenient way for communication, they may also cause a decrease in the quality of our communication. Therefore, how to use them properly to facilitate our efficient as well as thoughtful communication is a question awaiting for us to think about.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

我看看

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue151 第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：42分0秒 503 words
从2005年3月11日10时7分到2005年3月11日10时40分
------题目------
High-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail and television, tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication.
------正文------
Debate over the issue whether new high-speed media such as electronic mail and television lay a positive or negative influence on people's thoughtful communication almost emerged at the same time of the birth of these media. While till now different people still hold different views on it , I tend to agree with the speaker. Though these new media provides us a more convenient way to communicate with others, they nonetheless harm our forming 【这个词用的不好】real meaningful communication.

Admittedly, new media such as the electronic mail, mobile phone and fax facilitate us in communicating with others more directly and swiftly. While in the past, people have to meet 【可以写信的】to arrange a date, a conversation or a meeting, which is somewhat troublesome, 【不仔细，为何trouble呢？说出来，然后才能跟现在形成对比】now this can be replaced by simply typing a few words and pressing the "send", which greatly saves our time and energy. Similarly, while in the past, people living far away from each other have to bear the long delay of communication the post mail, 【这个说成delay似乎不合适，因为本来就是慢的。而不是迟到】 now they can communicate by telephone or electronic mail more frequently and conveniently. These all clearly indicate that these new media greatly improve our efficiency in communication, but do they heighten our quality of communication at the same time? 【我觉得，让步段还是放在后面比较好】

Unfortunately, the fact is just to the contrary, that is, with the use of these new media, people actually feel they have less and less real thoughtful communications. 【feel这个词感觉有点weaken了你的观点，而且，我觉得，这个thoughtful，meaningful需要定义的】Nowadays, complaints and blames on new media of electronic mail and telephone are often heard: Old people feel sad that their children now just give them a several-minute call instead of coming back home to see them on festivals; Parents are complaining their son studying distantly no longer write them long letters, but use electronic mail with only a few words; Friends are afraid that their friendship will be weakened due to the less frequent face-to-face conversation with each other. 【你的定义是面对面是有意义的交流吗？】Moreover, besides these communicate media, television, initially designed as an entertainment tool, now also faces with blames on its preventing people from meaningful communication. Though television provides us many information in a more vivid and swift way, it also occupies most of our time, which may be used to communicate with our family members, friends and so on. Some people said that since the television went into their houses, they have almost no time to get together and have meaningful conversation like in the past, and the shows or news on tv have almost become the only topic in their talking. It is also reported that the divorce rate has been increased much more after the widespread of tv sets. Though we could not conclude that the divorces are directly caused by televisions, they undoubtedly play a negative role in it. 【电视应该不算是交流工具里面的，所以它的影响应该不算是题目所要讨论的范围】

In sum, at the same time new media bring us a more efficient and convenient way for communication, they may also cause a decrease in the quality of our communication. Therefore, how to use them properly to facilitate our efficient as well as thoughtful communication is a question awaiting for us to think about.


   【结构不是太好，让步之后只有一段论述，展开不够，论述不够深入。而且，现在的交流方式和过去交流方式的对比不够。thoughtful和meaningful没有定义。加油！】

点点滴滴走过UID: 195083

我也学习学习

点点滴滴走过UID: 195083

鬼鬼够很，
Issue151 第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：42分0秒 503 words
从2005年3月11日10时7分到2005年3月11日10时40分
------题目------
High-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail and television, tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication.
------正文------
Debate over the issue whether new high-speed media such as electronic mail and television lay a positive or negative influence on people's thoughtful communication almost emerged at the same time of the birth of these media. While till now different people still hold different views on it , I tend to agree with the speaker. Though these new media provides us a more convenient way to communicate with others, they nonetheless harm our forming 【这个词用的不好】real meaningful communication.

Admittedly, new media such as the electronic mail, mobile phone and fax facilitate us in communicating with others more directly and swiftly. While in the past, people have to meet 【可以写信的】to arrange a date, a conversation or a meeting, which is somewhat troublesome, 【不仔细，为何trouble呢？说出来，然后才能跟现在形成对比】now this can be replaced by simply typing a few words and pressing the "send", which greatly saves our time and energy. Similarly, while in the past, people living far away from each other have to bear the long delay of communication the post mail, 【这个说成delay似乎不合适，因为本来就是慢的。而不是迟到】 now they can communicate by telephone or electronic mail more frequently and conveniently. These all clearly indicate that these new media greatly improve our efficiency in communication, but do they heighten our quality of communication at the same time? 【我觉得，让步段还是放在后面比较好】

Unfortunately, the fact is just to the contrary, that is, with the use of these new media, people actually feel they have less and less real thoughtful communications. 【feel这个词感觉有点weaken了你的观点，而且，我觉得，这个thoughtful，meaningful需要定义的】Nowadays, complaints and blames on new media of electronic mail and telephone are often heard: Old people feel sad that their children now just give them a several-minute call instead of coming back home to see them on festivals; Parents are complaining their son studying distantly no longer write them long letters, but use electronic mail with only a few words; Friends are afraid that their friendship will be weakened due to the less frequent face-to-face conversation with each other. 【你的定义是面对面是有意义的交流吗？】Moreover, besides these communicate media, television, initially designed as an entertainment tool, now also faces with blames on its preventing people from meaningful communication. Though television provides us many information in a more vivid and swift way, it also occupies most of our time, which may be used to communicate with our family members, friends and so on. Some people said that since the television went into their houses, they have almost no time to get together and have meaningful conversation like in the past, and the shows or news on tv have almost become the only topic in their talking. It is also reported that the divorce rate has been increased much more after the widespread of tv sets.一个argument攻击点 Though we could not conclude that the divorces are directly caused by televisions, they undoubtedly play a negative role in it. 【电视应该不算是交流工具里面的，所以它的影响应该不算是题目所要讨论的范围】

In sum, at the same time new media bring us a more efficient and convenient way for communication,应该有个转折词 they may also cause a decrease in the quality of our communication. Therefore, how to use them properly to facilitate our efficient as well as thoughtful communication is a question awaiting for us to think about.


【结构不是太好，让步之后只有一段论述，展开不够，论述不够深入。而且，现在的交流方式和过去交流方式的对比不够。thoughtful和meaningful没有定义。加油！】

AlierUID: 159518

最初由 鬼谷子 发布
[B]Issue151 第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：42分0秒 503 words
从2005年3月11日10时7分到2005年3月11日10时40分..

以下省略...... [/B]

谢谢鬼鬼，终于认识到自己的问题了，以后一定注意改正。

疯子兔八哥UID: 196616

进步不小啊,最近,鼓励下:)

symphony22UID: 203058

我也来！

Debate over the issue whether new high-speed media such as electronic mail and television lay a positive or negative influence on people's thoughtful communication almost emerged at the same time of the birth of these media. While till now different people still hold different views on it , I tend to agree with the speaker. Though these new media provides us a more convenient way to communicate with others, they nonetheless harm our forming 【这个词用的不好】我觉得可不可以去掉呢？real meaningful communication.

Admittedly, new media such as the electronic mail, mobile phone and fax facilitate us in communicating with others more directly and swiftly. While in the past, people have to meet 【可以写信的】to arrange a date, a conversation or a meeting, which is somewhat troublesome, 【不仔细，为何trouble呢？说出来，然后才能跟现在形成对比】now this can be replaced by simply typing a few words and pressing the "send", which greatly saves our time and energy. Similarly, while in the past, people living far away from each other have to bear the long delay of communication the post mail, 【这个说成delay似乎不合适，因为本来就是慢的。而不是迟到】 now they can communicate by telephone or electronic mail more frequently and conveniently. These all clearly indicate that these new media greatly improve our efficiency in communication, but do they heighten our quality of communication at the same time? 【我觉得，让步段还是放在后面比较好】我反而觉得这样有承上启下的衔接呢，不可以么？那我以后也不敢用了！

Unfortunately, the fact is just to the contrary, that is, with the use of these new media, people actually feel they have less and less real thoughtful communications. 【feel这个词感觉有点weaken了你的观点，而且，我觉得，这个thoughtful，meaningful需要定义的】Nowadays, complaints and blames on new media of electronic mail and telephone are often heard: Old people feel sad that their children now just give them a several-minute call instead of coming back home to see them on festivals; Parents are complaining their son studying distantly no longer write them long letters, but use electronic mail with only a few words; Friends are afraid that their friendship will be weakened due to the less frequent face-to-face conversation with each other. 【你的定义是面对面是有意义的交流吗？】Moreover, besides these communicate media, television, initially designed as an entertainment tool, now also faces with blames on its preventing people from meaningful communication. Though television provides us many information in a more vivid and swift way, it also occupies most of our time, which may be used to communicate with our family members, friends and so on. Some people said that since the television went into their houses, they have almost no time to get together and have meaningful conversation like in the past, and the shows or news on tv have almost become the only topic in their talking. It is also reported that the divorce rate has been increased much more after the widespread of tv sets.一个argument攻击点 Though we could not conclude that the divorces are directly caused by televisions, they undoubtedly play a negative role in it. 【电视应该不算是交流工具里面的，所以它的影响应该不算是题目所要讨论的范围】

In sum, at the same time new media bring us a more efficient and convenient way for communication,应该有个转折词 they may also cause a decrease in the quality of our communication. Therefore, how to use them properly to facilitate our efficient as well as thoughtful communication is a question awaiting for us to think about.


【结构不是太好，让步之后只有一段论述，展开不够，论述不够深入。而且，现在的交流方式和过去交流方式的对比不够。thoughtful和meaningful没有定义。加油！】

文章整体不错，就是注意一点小小的逻辑概念混淆，比如电视不是交流工具 鬼鬼真的是点得很到位！但问题就是在限时的情况下也得考虑那么全面就不是很容易了

skating_dollUID: 168003

Issue151 第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：42分0秒 503 words
从2005年3月11日10时7分到2005年3月11日10时40分
------题目------
High-speed electronic communications media, such as electronic mail and television, tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication.
------正文------

Debate over the issue whether new high-speed media such as electronic mail and television lay a positive or negative influence on people's thoughtful communication almost emerged at the same time of the birth of these media. While till now different people still hold different views on it , I tend to agree with the speaker. Though these new media provides前文用these,则这里用provide us a more convenient way to communicate with others, they nonetheless harm our forming real meaningful communication.

Admittedly, new media such as the electronic mail, mobile phone and fax facilitate us in communicating with others more directly and swiftly. While in the past, people have to meet不一定要meet吧，通信也可以的 to arrange a date, a conversation or a meeting, which is somewhat troublesome, now this can be replaced by simply typing a few words and pressing the "send", which greatly saves our time and energy. Similarly, while in the past, people living far away from each other havehad to bear the long delay of communicationcommunicating the post mail, now they can communicate by telephone or electronic mail more frequently and conveniently. These all clearly indicate that these new media greatly improve our efficiency in communication, but do they heighten our quality of communication at the same time? Similarly 前后两个例子好像差不多，说的意思一样，也许可以精简一下，毕竟让步不是重点

Unfortunately, the fact is just to the contrary, that is, with the use of these new media, people actually feel they have less and less real thoughtful communications. Nowadays, complaints and blames on new media of electronic mail and telephone are often heard: Old people feel sad that their children now just give them a several-minute call instead of coming back home to see them on festivals; Parents are complaining their sonsons?是不是好一点 studying distantly no longer write them long letters, but use electronic mail with only a few words; Friends are afraid that their friendship will be weakened due to the less frequent face-to-face conversation with each other.这段排比的例子写得挺好，但是个人觉得应该在深入一点，把这些现象跟怎样不能thoughtful这个关键字眼联系一下。虽然频频提到a few words可以与之联系，但这似乎不是这些通讯手段本身的错，如果他们有心一样可以在邮件中写 a lot of words 来做深度交流 Moreover, besides these communicate media, television, initially designed as an entertainment tool, now also faces with blames on its preventing people from meaningful communication. Though television provides us many information in a more vivid and swift way, it also occupies most of our time, which may be used to communicate with our family members, friends and so on. Some people said that since the television went into their houses, they have almost no time to get together and have meaningful conversation like in可以去掉in the past, and the shows or news on tv have almost become the only topic in their talking. It is also reported that the divorce rate has been increased much more after the widespread of tv sets.总觉得这句好像argument里面的材料…… Though we could not conclude that the divorces are directly caused by televisions, they undoubtedly play a negative role in it. 呵呵，原来后面有很好的自圆其说

In sum, at the same time new media bring us a more efficient and convenient way for communication, they may also cause a decrease in the quality of our communication. Therefore, how to use them properly to facilitate our efficientefficiency? as well as thoughtful communication is a question awaiting for us to think about.

语言表达流畅，词汇使用比较丰富，尤其开头写得很不错。但是感觉论述展开还不够，说服力还不够，最好让步少一点，重点放在观点陈述上，条理再清晰一点把问题说清楚。个人愚见，供参考，加油！

skating_dollUID: 168003

另外，楼主的效率真是狂高无比，昨天存了两张帖改了今天发上来，发现楼主又写了好多新文了，佩服佩服！

AlierUID: 159518

果酱果酱，我每天也最多能憋出一篇阿狗，一篇一修，而且老是超时，还是很郁闷的说。。
大家一起加油！！