英文课上写的提纲(有关women's status)有老师的评注

dingdangcaUID：207024

有关women's role & status的Intro, 相当于一个完整的提纲的框架,大家可以参考一下,老师的点评(蓝色的部分)很有针对性. 还有也是一个关于women issue的idea

Women’s Role and Status in Contemporary Canadian Society
Thesis Statement
Despite women’s pivotal role and significant contribution in contemporary Canadian society, their involvement in politics, social status, and economic independence are still somewhat behind compared to those of men.

1.Women have limited influence in the political decision making process due to the small percentage of female politicians in the political system even though progresses have taken place in achieving political rights.switch points(while they have made progress, they still have little influence.) Sample Text
A.Feminism fought for the political rights of women.
1.right to vote (women’s suffrage)
2.right to run elected office
B.less power and influence in politics than men
1.percentage of women in House of Commons: 20.6% in Senate:32.4%
2.contradiction with democracy in Canada
3.women are making their way in politics the reason-->explain more is the influence of sex discrimination which is still present

2.Not withstanding the pivotal role played by women in the society, sex discrimination and social inequality can be seen in several aspects.
A.Women have more responsibilities(or expectations) than men do.(Generalization? )
1.higher expectations of society
2.access to high education  -part of their responsibilities? Explain a bit more
3.  to be good nurturers and homemakers, despite their working role.(Don’t men have this role too?)B.stereotypes of women, the majority of the society shares.
1.family obligation
2.vulnerable - violence against women
                   -sexual harassment
Women are overcoming the obstacles and break through all boundaries and stereotypes. For example, they form a large and growing portion of the working force.

3.Most women have a job and are successful in obtaining economic security and a good quality of life. However, sex discrimination permeates the workplace as well
A.women are successful at work
1.1/3 Canadian businesses are owned/operated by women
B.2. yet, earnings are lower than those of men
  3.Inequality of opportunity
  4. stereotype àtraditionally female occupations

Conclusion
Women’s contribution to society is significant and promotes the fundamental values of fairness, equality, and diversity.
-gender equlity has not been achieved and it’s a goal
-women are on a “ slow road to equality”
-undiminished role and deserve to be treated equally and with respect

Introduction
-women have made gains in the past few decades
-have won many liberties and rights(accomplishment)
-Still, inequalities are present, need to achieve the goal of full equality

Teacher’s comment
-Good ideas, keep the flow of each paragraph from good aspects to bad. You are arguing that women are at a disadvantage, so emphasize itàkeep points from strong-->stronger-->strongest
-keep referring to sources, it will help the argument (like stats for politics paragraph)

[ Last edited by dingdangca on 2005-5-2 at 05:52 ]

amorzUID：1

谢谢 dingdangca 的分享。

这个是哪里的老师呢？

dingdangcaUID：207024

回amorz,是加拿大的prof,大学英语课上的,希望对大家有用.