ARGUMENT7 今天下午花了一个小时写的，我的ARGUMENT 7 处女作，欢迎大家拍砖！

Lyon_TonyUID: 178961

今天下午花了一个小时写的，我的ARGUMENT 7 处女作，欢迎大家拍砖！

The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Clearview newspaper.
"In the next mayoral election, residents of Clearview should vote for Ann Green, who is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, rather than for Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council, because the current members are not protecting our environment. For example, during the past year the number of factories in Clearview has doubled, air pollution levels have increased, and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses. If we elect Ann Green, the environmental problems in Clearview will certainly be solved."换新的市长，以改善环境那篇。

    In this argument, the arguer intends to prove that in the next mayoral election, we should vote for Ann Green. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out that the current members of the council are not protecting the environment, the arguer reasons that during the past year, the number of the factories in Clearview has doubled, air pollution have increased to an unprecedented level and the members of patients with respiratory illness has raised. This argument suffers from several critical fallacies.
   
    To begin with, the arguer fails to convince us that the current members of the Clearview town council are not protecting the environment. The arguer simply assumes that the deteriorated environment was attributed to the council, albeit, there are several other reasons that can be traced. As we know, the people’s action is the most affective factor. If all the residents of Clearview have no consciousness of maintaining the environment, apparently, they will pollute the water by washing in the poor, as well as throwing garbage everywhere. Once these happen, the environment will be worsen whatever the current members of the council had endeavored to protect it.

    Another problem that undermines the argument is that the arguer does not provide concrete evidence to demonstrate that Frank Braun is not concerned about and should be responsible for the listed environmental problems. Being lack of suffices specific testimonies, it is impossible and unreasonable to establish such a conclusion. As the mayor of the city, it is his obligation and responsibility to protect the environment of the city. Difficulties and obstructs may hinder the mayor’ practice of improving the air and water conditions.

    Finally, the assumption that all the environmental problems will be solved with the election of Ann Green as mayor of the city is totally unfounded. There is no evidence that Ann Green is qualified as a good mayor who can solve all the environmental problems in Clearview even though he is a popular candidate.

    In conclusion, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to prove that Frank Braun and the members of the council really did nothing to protect the environment of Clearview, moreover, I would suspend my judgment about the credibility of the new mayor until more information regarding Ann Green would be provided.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-6-15 at 23:53 ]

boyjimUID: 125249

注意发帖格式~这次帮你改了~
简单看了一下 首段过长 其他问题都不错~还有就是标志词真的是郁闷~ 高手应该自己找点新鲜词么~或者根本就不要~呵呵

Lyon_TonyUID: 178961

各位大哥大姐，帮忙看看改改啊！！这可是我的第一篇啊！
别这么残忍~~~。。。

ppaidamiUID: 2109184

标准的模版格式啊!除了没跑题,其他的好象没什么了,缺少新异.
估计四分肯定有了,不过再高一点不好说.
语言上应该再变化一下.

以上只是个人观点,我的水平也不怎么样!

楼主现在的水平不错了,再努力一下用Agu赚分应该不成问题. :)

Lyon_TonyUID: 178961

ARGU不都是用模板写吗？
文章米什么语法错误和逻辑错误吗？

flyingwindUID: 189320

下了我一挑
我以为你的argument 7 分 哎~~

蝴蝶结UID: 195566

In this argument, the arguer intends to prove that in the next mayoral election, we should vote for Ann Green. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out that the current members of the council are not protecting the environment, the arguer reasons that during the past year, the number of the factories in Clearview has doubled, air pollution have increased to an unprecedented level and the members of patients with respiratory illness has raised. This argument suffers from several critical fallacies.
   
    To begin with, the arguer fails to convince us that the current members of the Clearview town council are not protecting the environment. The arguer simply assumes that the deteriorated environment was attributed to the council, albeit, there are several other reasons that can be traced. As we感觉这里写i更好一点,尽量不用we的说 know, the people’s action is the most affective factor. If all the residents of Clearview have no consciousness of maintaining the environment, apparently, they will pollute the water by washing in the poor, as well as throwing garbage everywhere. Once these happen, the environment will be worsen whatever the current members of the council had endeavored to protect it.

    Another problem that undermines the argument is that the arguer does not provide concrete evidence to demonstrate that Frank Braun is not concerned about and should be responsible for the listed environmental problems. Being lack of suffices specific testimonies, it is impossible and unreasonable to establish such a conclusion. As the mayor of the city, it is his obligation and responsibility to protect the environment of the city. Difficulties and obstructs may hinder the mayor’ practice of improving the air and water conditions.

    Finally, the assumption that all the environmental problems will be solved with the election of Ann Green as mayor of the city is totally unfounded. There is no evidence that Ann Green is qualified as a good mayor who can solve all the environmental problems in Clearview even though he is a popular candidate.感觉这段可以再写一句,有点没说完的感觉

    In conclusion, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to prove that Frank Braun and the members of the council really did nothing to protect the environment of Clearview, moreover, I would suspend my judgment about the credibility of the new mayor until more information regarding Ann Green would be provided.

逻辑,语言都没啥问题啦,建议再多看看范文总结精髓吧:)
BTW:我们都是5T10G战友啊,:handshake:handshake:handshake

Lyon_TonyUID: 178961

非常感谢 蝴蝶结 (Ariel)

我再改改