Issue51 xdjm们给看一下吧

pkuzhangyUID: 204487

Issue 51: Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically
designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

提纲:
1.同意作者的观点
2.兴趣是最好的老师，教育在于激发学生的兴趣
3.举例说明，教育机构应该给学生提供多种可能，使他们发现并培养自己的兴趣。
4.教育不是满足学生的任何要求，而是起引导作用，否则引起教育的混乱。
5.总结

The author suggests that only when education is specifically designed to
meet the individual needs and interests of each student, will education be
truly effective. I am inclined to agree with the author.

In the first place, “Interest is the best teacher”, as Einstein once said.
(and I paragraph) If we are interested in something, it will provoke our
imagination and creativity. Something must attract us first before we love
it. If we feel what we are doing has nothing funny, we just judge it as
drudgery, and can not do it well. When Watt was a boy, once he saw the water
in a kettle was boiling, and the vapour pushed the kettle cover up. He was
very curious about it, and thought over it again and again. Finally, he
invented the steam engine. Education should also consider students' interest
first. Traditional teacher-centered education should be replaced by modern
student-centered education. If the arrangement of curriculum would not take
into account the individual needs and interests of each student, student
just thinks his study as burden, and prefers not going to school. In this
case, student's genius and imagination could not be exhibited. Such
education is far away from attaining our modern education target:
cultivating original creation in each student.


Then, it is best when university provides many options to its students to
meet their various needs and interests. When we enter into university, we
are already adults, and we need more channels to develop our interest, and
to cultivate ourselves to adapt to the society. Here are two examples. One
of them concerns myself. The university where I am studying in is a
comprehensive university. I am major in Russian language. My university gave
me the chance to study economy as my second field of study. I showed much
interest in economy courses, and I studied well and got high scores.  My
second field of study did not affect my study of Russian language at all. On
the contrary, I learned something of especial value before I actually go
into the society. As to my nephew, he went into a special football school,
when he was ten years old. But what he learned in that school is very
narrow. "The football match is meaningless unless you do your best to win.  
" He once told me. Now after years of dull training, he found football is
anything but interesting. Outside his school, his ability is so limited that
he lacks confidence that he can do things well.


Last but not least, it is of special importance for education to be designed
to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. However, it is
not mean that what a student demands should always be satisfied. Since some
students do not know what is best for them and what cause should they choose
as a career, education must play a role of guiding them to see through
themselves and the society. Too many choices is no choice. The task of
education is to find the interest of each individual, to provoke his
creativity, and to help him cling to his undertakings and make achievements.
If a university just offered too many choices concerning courses and
practical activities after school, but did not give any consultatory advice
to its students, the school functioned like a noisy supermarket. After all,
winking at students' unreasonable desires would only result in chaos in
education.

In sum, due to analysis and reasons mentioned above, I would like to
advocate that education should be designed to meet the individual needs and
interests of each student , and to inspire their original creativity.

[ Last edited by pkuzhangy on 2005-6-19 at 18:25 ]

davidjackyUID: 135962

下次注意格式，记住:)

另外，作文是互改为主的，主动和别人接对

pkuzhangyUID: 204487

Originally posted by davidjacky at 2005-6-19 15:03
下次注意格式，记住:)

另外，作文是互改为主的，主动和别人接对

初来乍到，啥都不懂呀；多谢老大提醒。

so猫UID: 148633

Issue 51: Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

提纲:
1.同意作者的观点
2.兴趣是最好的老师，教育在于激发学生的兴趣
3.举例说明，教育机构应该给学生提供多种可能，使他们发现并培养自己的兴趣。
4.教育不是满足学生的任何要求，而是起引导作用，否则引起教育的混乱。
5.总结
不错 从逻辑上看来思路很清晰 虽然对于B1B2为何要分为两段心存疑惑 但是如果逻辑顺畅把观点和例子分开写也未尝不可
OK 继续

The author suggests that only when education is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, will education be truly effective. I am inclined to agree with the author.
很明了的开头，我个人比较喜欢这种风格的开头，但是第一句话表写那么直白哈，感觉好象照抄题目一样 有点点变化要好看很多
还有一个问题
既然你后面涉及到让步的成分 对于你第一个sentence里说的only when的情况
你在给出TS的时候是不是就应该自己给自己一个台阶下呢？
这种涉及到让步的TS 最好在开头就说明白 全文的TS最好完整点

In the first place, “Interest is the best teacher”, as Einstein once said.这里的标点用错啦~ (and I paragraph) If we are interested in something, it will provoke our imagination and creativity. Something must attract us first before we love it. If we feel what we are doing has nothing funny, we just judge it as drudgery, and can not do it well. When Watt was a boy, once he saw the water in a kettle was boiling, and the vapour pushed the kettle cover up. He was very curious about it, and thought over it again and again. Finally,建议这里不要用finally，你在最前面已经用了in the first place，这里的一个finally很容易让人误会这是你分析的一个方面 当然 这是个人看法 he invented the steam engine. Education should also何来also? consider students' interest first. Traditional teacher-centered education should be replaced by modern student-centered education.这又是从哪来的呢？前面说教育要首要考虑学生兴趣， 后面马上说以老师为中心的教学体制要被换掉 之间没任何连词 更没任何分析说明老师为中心的教育体制怎么就跟考虑学生兴趣不同 ETS要分析的是逻辑 所以只要不是公理的话什么前提都得事先说明 If the arrangement of curriculum would not take into account the individual needs and interests of each student, student just thinks his study as burden, and prefers not going to school. In this case, student's genius and imagination could not be exhibited. Such education is far away from attaining our modern education target: cultivating original reation in each student.刚才我就没point出来 你所有的分析都是based on "if ..., then ...." 这样的分析并不是有错 但是要考虑到 if相当于是一个委婉地提出自己看法和分析的一个方式 它本身是有着非常脆弱的被攻击点 如果你想要它变得invulnerable 下面必须提出很strong proof 也就是我们常用的例子 而对于一段结尾如果用if句来总结的话是大忌

再来说下这段的逻辑 我个人觉得这段在谈好几个问题
1. 兴趣是最好的老师
2. 教育要考虑学生兴趣
3. 老师为中心的课程要取缔
4. 如果不取缔会有很不好的影响云云
那么我想问 你这一个para的中心到底是什么
如果是你提纲里说到的要用1证明2 那么2就是你的TS
1就是你极力要去证明和展现的东西 因为你的2的基础是建立在1上的
3,4这些问题是2的延伸 你完全可以另起一段继续说明这个问题
这些东西全部堆在一段虽然在中文看来可能是洋洋洒洒顺理成章
但是在AW看来就成了流水帐
一定要记得 一段只有一个中心 其他的所有部分要为这个中心服务

Then, it is best when university provides many options to its students to meet their various needs and interests. When we enter into university, we are already adults, and we need more channels to develop our interest, and to cultivate ourselves to adapt to the society. Here are two examples. One of them concerns myself. The university where I am studying in is a comprehensive university. I am major in Russian language. My university gave me the chance to study economy as my second field of study. I showed much interest in economy courses, and I studied well and got high scores.  My second field of study did not affect my study of Russian language at all. On the contrary, I learned something of especial value before I actually go into the society. As to my nephew, he went into a special football school, when he was ten years old. But what he learned in that school is very narrow. "The football match is meaningless unless you do your best to win.  " He once told me. Now after years of dull training, he found football is anything but interesting. Outside his school, his ability is so limited that he lacks confidence that he can do things well.
太具体的例子 而且没有代表性
这些倒是其次 个人例子用的好也非常有效果
但是同时我还是重复上面所谈到的一个问题
你想要说的是什么?
自己得到发展了? 还是怎么样
你的中心是 it is best when....
那么你的例子就要证明为什么it is best when...
我看不到对比 看不到分析 更看不到最后的总结

Last but not least, it is of special importance for education to be designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. However, it is not mean that what a student demands should always be satisfied.TS Since some students do not know what is best for them and what cause should they choose as a career,为什么就这么理所当然的since了呢? 你去问问你周围的学生 谁肯承认自己do not know what is best for themselves, 别把话说满了哈, 用个什么it is the trend that 或者别的什么会要好很多 education must play a role of guiding them to see through themselves and the society. Too many choices is no choice. The task of education is to find the interest of each individual, to provoke his creativity, and to help him cling to his undertakings and make achievements. If a university just offered too many choices concerning courses and practical activities after school, but did not give any consultatory advice to its students, the school functioned like a noisy supermarket. After all, winking at students' unreasonable desires would only result in chaos in education.
例子和分析跟TS不和吧~
例子是说offer too many choices不现实 是从学校角度来说的
而你想要说明的是从学生自身角度这样是有害的

In sum, due to analysis and reasons mentioned above, I would like to advocate that education should be designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student , and to inspire their original creativity.
还是那句话, 有让步就不要把话说太满 至少自己先回旋下~


写得还是不错的 逻辑要加强
加油

davidjackyUID: 135962

猫猫辛苦

楼主加油

staralwaysUID: 193479

猫猫改得很细致呢！