写作点评 - 投诉信(G类)

lucy_zq2002UID: 177408

来源:3g,   原作者:louisenyan

Dear Sir,

I have bought a television set from your appliance shop last day. When I took it home and opened the box, I found that the remote control was not in the box. But, the remote can not be find in your packing list. I think this is the wrong in your aspect and your worker has forgot to put it in my television box right. As you know, Mother’s Day is coming on this Saturday and I want to give this television to my mother as a gift on the special day.  So, there is only 3 days left. The remote should be sent to me in 2 days. Herein with my voice number 12345678, please check this matter with your staff and give an answer. You can contact me with the fixed number 123456 before 6pm, and home number with 213456. I want you give me an explanation about this matter.

With best regards

Mary Lee

[ Last edited by lucy_zq2002 on 2005-6-30 at 18:47 ]

lucy_zq2002UID: 177408

last day

be find

this is the wrong in your aspect

right

check this matter with your staff and give an answer

fixed number

home number with

I want you

以上几个地方是Chinglish

还有一个小语法错误

Good Job！

[ Last edited by lucy_zq2002 on 2005-6-30 at 18:59 ]

lucy_zq2002UID: 177408

Dear Sir,


I have bought a television set from your appliance shop last day yesterday. (“Yesterday” definite time reference. Past indefinite tense: I bought)  When I took it home and opened the box, I found that the remote control was not in the box. (Suggestion. More idiomatic: I found the remote control missing.)  But, the remote can not cannot (cannot is one word) ( read: 1)  be find found in your packing list. I think this is the wrong  your mistake in your aspect and your worker has forgot to put it in my television box right. As you know, Mother’s Day is coming on this Saturday and I want to give this television to my mother as a gift on that special day.  So, there is only 3 days left. The remote should be sent to me in 2 days. Herein with my please find the invoice number 12345678 (,) full stop). Please check this matter with your staff and give me an answer. You can contact me with the fixed number =? (What is a “fixed number”?)  before 6pm, and home number with 213456. I want (2) you to give me an explanation about this matter.  (2) "I want you" is both very adamant and rude. The more polite way is, “I ( like to have/I would like to hear)  an explanation from you regarding  this matter.”

With best regards,


Yours Truly,  (Yours, not your. I just discover, from another BBS, that some people are not aware of this mistake.)

Mary Lee

[ Last edited by lucy_zq2002 on 2005-6-30 at 18:59 ]