写作点评 - 早晚科技比较

lucy_zq2002UID: 177408

以下是咱实习斑竹julliar当年的青涩作品,julliar不要骂偶翻老东西啊:$


我一边写，一边在思考是否走题？因为我并没有明确的概念什么是 earlier technology ，中国的四大发明是 earlier technology ，但电话，冰箱，飞机就不是 earlier technology 吗？这个相对的时间点题目没明确，我也就认为它是较早的技术了。但我太没把握。-----请各位老师及同学指教！不胜感谢。


Some people think that the earlier technology has changed our life more than the recent technology. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there is a trend that the development of technology has been rapidly. New inventions have been gradually growing. As a result, some people may say that the recent technology has changed our life more than the earlier one. Personally, I doubt whether the argument can hold water. I am in support of the opinion that the earlier technology has changed our life more than the recent one.

On the one hand, to the large amount of people, the earlier technology has brought huge influence. It is much more convenient for lots of people to use those earlier inventions, including but not limited the fridge and telephone, to operate their routine life. To put price and popularity into perspective, the price of the earlier technology tends to be cheaper, comparing to the new production of the recent technology. Consequently, the popularity is higher. That is to say, it is the lives of more people that have been changed by the earlier technology. Moreover, some recent technologies are not connected with host of people, for example, the invention of airplane, which be regarded as the recent technology, indeed only benefits some people, but not the large amounts of people.

On the other hand, the earlier technologies, from the utility of fire to the discovery of agriculture farming to the making tools with copper and other metal materials, make the huge progress of human being itself. The earlier technology is the base of most of the recent one. The aims of several recent technologies are to make the original even much faster, larger. From this point of view, their power of influence toward human being is less than the earlier technology, which is brand-new and revolutionary.

Taking into consideration what I have mentioned above, it can easier to come to the conclusion that it is the earlier technology, rather other the recent one, that contributes to our life.


老师点评:

一边倒的很厉害啊，题目的观点其实说的很含糊，earlier的定义是什么，recent的定义又是什么？

客观分析，凡是技术发明，在任何历史时期，都对人类产生深远的影响，从四大发明，到互联网，克隆...

一定要打破写作一边倒的思维惯性，从自己的生活中找寻答案，而不是为了写作而写作，跳出框架，这样行文才更有力，更有写的激情

用词用句还是不错的，虽然套话用的多了些，细察高手写的英文原版，发现是不太用‘首先，其次’‘一方面，另一方面’的

6分是有的！继续努力！


lucy_zq2002点评:

用词不错.有一些语法错误和表达有误.(on one hand ,on the other hand等,楼主第一句就有问题,恕不穷举.)

感觉楼主文章的内容,没怎么出来.如果符以适当举例,可以更加饱满些.无论何时的发明,都有其利弊.发明给社会带来的效用,不是以时间作为划分的.

[ Last edited by lucy_zq2002 on 2005-6-30 at 19:23 ]

lucy_zq2002UID: 177408

我个人的意见吧,其实老外和我们的思维有一点不一样,我们面对作文的观点选择的时候总是先要选一个错或者对的,要不就是不说对错,来一个最最常见的"every coin has two sides"(老土).我觉得比较重要的是在给定两个观点中提出自己的观点,这样才更有新意,因为题目本身经常是问"What extend do you agree or disagree"也就是说,它并不是一个非得按着题目来的选择题,你可以有自己的观点,当然不能跑了题,至少我们的外教是这样说的.至于文章本身我觉得单词千万不要写错,结构,过渡和行文的流畅是比较重要的前后要能够有相互照应.举例可以有力地说明自己的观点,当你的理论知识不足以帮助你解释的时候可以多用点例子. 希望以上的发言能够有点作用