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[语法句式修辞] 不怕被拍的很惨的人请进(义务改文章)  关闭 [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-7-10 23:29:07 |只看该作者
赞一个,楼主真好,我明天开始第一篇,一定麻烦楼主帮忙改改了,呵呵
谢谢你,虽然我只想亲吻一片雪花,你却给了我银色的世界。

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发表于 2005-7-10 23:34:08 |只看该作者
10楼的同志,你的文章已经有很多人改了,我就不改了,先照顾没有人改的,表生气,你要是有没有人改的再找我!不好意思啊,实在太多了
人生有些决定是大胆的,但是那并不代表这些决定是错误的。

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发表于 2005-7-10 23:46:49 |只看该作者

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Pisces双鱼座 荣誉版主 魅丽星 挑战ETS奖章 GRE斩浪之魂

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发表于 2005-7-10 23:56:10 |只看该作者
今天改到第10楼,我明天再继续,没有改到的,给我一点点时间,OK?
人生有些决定是大胆的,但是那并不代表这些决定是错误的。

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发表于 2005-7-11 00:18:33 |只看该作者
赞楼主一个

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发表于 2005-7-11 00:39:52 |只看该作者
感谢楼主!这是我的第一篇,给我提下整体的意见吧;自我感觉就很差...
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... 3Dtype%26typeid%3D9
0605-TOEFL&TSE,BJ

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发表于 2005-7-11 00:40:01 |只看该作者

希望楼主友情赞助一下我的文章啊!

楼主辛苦了,在下确实需要楼主这种敢于拍死天下GTER的勇士来为我的文章斧正斧正,如果能得到楼主赞助,在下感激不尽~~~!:victory:
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Issue Topic: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation’s cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
The speaker’s claim is actually threefold: (1) major cities of a nation need financial support in order to thrive; (2) governments must make sure that their major cities get enough financial support and flourish; (3) our cultural traditions are preserved and generated in major cities. I disagree all the three points.
Firstly, major cities are themselves the most highly developed areas of a nation. They have convenient traffic systems, modern and fast communicating systems, and most of all, cheap but surfeit well-trained labors. All these advantages attract domestic investments and foreign capitals. In a time of “Global Economic”, those cities that have large amount of money investment will see more economic activities and more chance and fortune. Also, the economic advantages will bring technical and scientific developments. Thus the area can be more flourishing and attract more money investment. This benign economic circular makes it unnecessary for the major cities to be dependent on financial support to thrive.
Secondly, it is the government’s responsibility to maintain the well-being of the whole nation, not only the major cities. Considering all the advantages of the major cities, they have won a priority over other smaller cities to meet the chance of making fortune. Their financial conditions are definitely better than that of the smaller cities whose economic activities are rare. Giving them more financial support will diminish the support to small cities in that a nation has a finite amount of money for all the cities. This partiality will enlarge the economic gap between major cities and smaller cities. Probably make the rich richer and poor, poorer. And poverty spawns illiterate and crime, thus devastate the well-being of the whole society. We can be sure that financially support a primary school in a countryside and make people educated there means much more to the whole nation than providing money for a skyscraper-building scheme in a major city.
Furthermore, a nation’s cultural traditions are more likely to be preserved and generated in towns and countryside rather than in large cities. Our cultures, primarily folklores, folk music and traditional arts, in my point of view, are generated by our ancestors from agriculture society. Most of them spent their whole lives in towns and countryside. Although now metropolitan may be a part of our lives, it is far from being our cultural traditions. For the time of its existence is only a drop in the ocean compared to our whole history. Additionally, major cities are more likely to be affected by alien life styles. The first reason is that foreign investors and visitors often come to the major cities and so bring their customs, for instance, diet habit, dressing style and way of living. The second reason is that local people, either curious or in order to attract more foreign visitors, begin to mimic their life styles. Messed with many foreign customs, it is hard for these cities to keep their own traditional lives. No wonder that one can drink cola, listen to pop music, and watch Hollywood movies in the major cities of every country. Life is uniform in all the major cities of the world. Things are different for the smaller cities and villages. Because they are remote, less foreign visitors reach there. They are less likely to be affected. While major cities maniacally imitating alien life styles, they carefully keep the traditions of a nation. Cultural traditions are bred there, grew there, and now are safely preserved there.
In sum, governments should give due weight to their major cities and smaller towns on the question of financial support. Make the major cities and smaller towns to be flourishing at the same time. Also, we should notice that it is in the countryside where our cultural traditions are truly preserved. In an era that everyone is suffocated in the trend of “global uniform”, only in the countryside can we breathe freely the pristine air of our own culture.

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Pisces双鱼座 荣誉版主 魅丽星 挑战ETS奖章 GRE斩浪之魂

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发表于 2005-7-11 09:04:34 |只看该作者
楼上的同志,不要拿范文来考验我,没有意思,不是只有你看过范文
人生有些决定是大胆的,但是那并不代表这些决定是错误的。

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发表于 2005-7-11 09:20:23 |只看该作者
这是我的第一篇,写了一下午,虽然写的实在是惨了些,还是挺有成就感的呢。
请楼主帮忙改一下,拍的多惨我都能接受,谢拉
191. “Education should be equally devoted to enriching the personal lives of students and to training students to be productive workers.”

The American president Benjamin Franklin once said: “Genius without education is like silver in the mine.” Important as it is, what is the exact role should education play in inculcating our progenies? Should education aim at enriching the personal lives of students, or should it devoted to training them to be productive works? As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with the assertion that education should be aiming at the improvement of one’s both morals and faculties to help molding excellent citizens.

   “We eat bread for living, we do not live for bread.” One important function of education is to provide the students nourishments for mind, soul and body, to enable them to perceive the beauty of nature by versatile styles of arts, and to instill a healthy value system, which can enrich their personalities. To make a better life in a society composed of versatile individuals, one not only needs to grasp a specific skill which servers as a living tool but also an individual morality is indispensable which concerning honesty, self-discipline, fairness, etc. Some may argue that knowledge about art, literature and history has no utilization in earn one’s living, what the involving of these in education for? Admittedly, knowledge as arts has little to do with making one’s life, but it indeed brings a colorful and diverse personal life which we should also chase. Suppose an individual who has handful of basic skills, without apposite communicating skills one can not get along with others thus have no friends to share his or her pains and happiness; without knowledge of arts such as film and music, he or she will has nothing to do in the spare time besides working. What a dreary life it will be! Under that circumstance, in spite of the marvelous skills one possesses, without the rich idiosyncrasy one is unable to live a happy life and would make rare contribution to the society. So education should devote to enrich the students’ personalities as Thomas Jefferson accentuated: “Education need to instruct the mass of our citizens in these, their rights, interests, and duties, as men and citizens.”

   The importance of basic skills should not be ignored. In such a competitive society we live today, one can not survive without a specific skill, so the other function of education lies in training our students to be productive workers to meet the increasingly needs in job markets. Schools should provide more occupational courses to ensure students to attain the basic skills. Nevertheless, attention should not be paid only on the knowledge needed in a certain career, fostering well-rounded individuals for the society is the main purpose of education. For this sake, diverse courses should be provided besides the mainstream subjects for students to have more chance to develop their personal interests and be well-educated.

   In conclusion, education is a great project not only for the whole nation, but also for the human beings. The products of successful education are the excellent citizens fitting to the needs of the developing of the society. Achieving this goal, education should equally devote to enriching the personalities of students and to training students to be productive workers.

[ Last edited by 豆包 on 2005-7-12 at 20:22 ]

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发表于 2005-7-11 09:27:03 |只看该作者

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发表于 2005-7-11 09:28:38 |只看该作者
这帖子该加精啊

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发表于 2005-7-11 09:39:42 |只看该作者

好人,一定要帮我看看,真的快靠了

Nowadays is the period of information exploration, the people in the world are growing concerning that  the ways of studying should be keep skeptic or receive them without doubt. It is claimed that the method of studying is to questioning and doubting which will be useful in the process of studying which is I support.

The chief reason is because the purpose of studying is to tell the students the way to find truth and how to find the truth by the process of studying. The best way to find truth is to have the doubt spirits which means that we should consider every topics of knowledge considerately.  Sometimes the theories are established by the doubting which is said that the relativism is established by the doubting about the Newton classic theory in Physics whereas the Newton's theory are established by questioning whether the subjects will be slowed down without fiction which was accepted by the public before Newton.
If we cast a look back of the science history, the progresses of science occurs by the doubting. To be sure, the spirits of doubting must be learnt by the students.

To deep down, questioning and doubting can help students to understand the knowledge more deeply and impressing. The teacher of mine told me that when you doubting the knowledge you learnt, you might think all the aspects of the theory so that you will understand the theory more clearly. For instance, when you studied the math, if you doubt some theories, you will try to prove them. By the process of proving, you will use the knowledge you have learnt and when you prove it right, you will feel happy and understand them by heart which is the most important in study.

On the other hand, the disadvantage of studying passively is clearly. If all the teachers place emphasis on the resisting and imitation, the creativity of the students will be diminished at last. Especially, the students will become the machine of reciting and so on. This is not to say that recit and imitation is unimportant in study. However, we teachers should place emphasis on the ability of questioning.

All in all, the educators should encourage the students to doubt during the study which will help them in the study and the work in the future. On the other hand, the doubting ability will make the new generation to create the new theory and make inventions in the world.
7.14 南京大学 8点

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发表于 2005-7-11 09:48:10 |只看该作者
作文b3组,7.15 上海
===========
issue
第一篇 https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=290768&extra=page%3D14
第二篇 https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=292613
===========
我见青山多妩媚
料青山见我应如是

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发表于 2005-7-11 09:56:45 |只看该作者
C5 7月29 武汉
记录飞跃每一天,分享梦想进行时

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Pisces双鱼座 荣誉版主 魅丽星 挑战ETS奖章 GRE斩浪之魂

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发表于 2005-7-11 10:00:14 |只看该作者
Originally posted by 翦瞳 at 2005-7-10 17:25
issue17
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

楼主,偶心惊胆战的进来,做好了心理准备!决不哭出来!希望你不客气地拍!

你的已经有很多人改了,写新的以后,我帮你改吧.
人生有些决定是大胆的,但是那并不代表这些决定是错误的。

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RE: 不怕被拍的很惨的人请进(义务改文章) [修改]
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