Issue130 不容易写好的一个教育题目，我写得天马行空啊：）

fhxyweiUID: 157384

Issue130: 503 words  45 minutes
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

It is a fact that the children's socialization is vital to their own development in this modern society which calls for a interactive communication, a broad cooperation with each other. However, it is an exaggeration that the socialization of children can determinate the destiny of society that is very complicated. And actually our society has devised many effective ways to educate our children to become useful citizens who can help to build a better society.

First of all, I concede that the children's socialization will exert a strong influence upon their future and even the society. The socialization, broadly defined that how to get together with others, should be nurtured from many aspects. For example to encourage students to participate in some social activities among which they learn to communicate, cooperate with others. Many interpersonal skills cannot be learned in solitude. On the contrary, the ones who always isolate themselves from others would risk of developing an odd and exclusive disposition that can hardly adapt the society. Sometimes those who lack enough socialization will behave abnormally. Every year in China a few of freshmen in colleges have to give up their study due to their inabilities of getting along well with the students around them. The main reason that resulted in it is that they always lived with their parents before entering colleges, which means they had few chances to contact others socially. The analysis above illustrates that the socialization can play a pivotal and fatal role in developing children's well-rounded character that can help them to adapt the environment and the society.

However, too arbitrary is the author to conclude that the destiny of our society is determined by how our children are socialized and we don't know how to raise children to build a better society. He obviously ignores the fact that the destiny of our society is a complex existence that relies on many factors besides the socialization of children. For example, the political and economic situation in our society can more influence people's life rather than how children are socialized. What's more, although the rule of lacking socialization means the deprivation of a well-rounded character, there are always some exceptional examples showing that some great people who can develop themselves in the help of their internal commitment rather than the external socialization. Lincoln, one of the greatest American presidents in history, developed himself mainly by self-study but not by participating in some educational institutions that have been regarded the best places to socialize individuals.

Furthermore, our society has explored many effective ways to how to educate our children into the citizens who can help bring about a better society. All the educational institutions in every nation are devised to nurture children’s intellectually and morally and provide them the opportunities to get along with each other. Since I was very young, I have been taught about the importance of communication, cooperation, the tolerance to others and so on in schools and family. Our society had realized the significance of cultivate his future generation.

In my final analysis, it is necessary to pay attention to children's socialization that can help them to adapt to our society in the future. But it is ridiculous to shift all the responsibilities of the destiny of our society to the cultivation of the children.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-11 at 21:16 ]

cssUID: 173612

It is a fact that the children's socialization is vital to their own development in this modern society which calls for a interactive communication, a broad cooperation with each other.不错的开头，讲了自己对socialization的诠释 However, it is an exaggeration that the socialization of children can determinate 这个词是形容词 the destiny of society that is very complicated . And actually our society has devised many effective ways to educate our children to become useful citizens who can help to build a better society. 感觉这个开头逻辑挺严密的

First of all, I concede that the children's socialization will exert 这个不知有没有这个用法 a strong influence upon their future and even the society. The socialization, broadly defined 加as that how to get together with others, should be nurtured from many aspects. For example for example 后面应该加句子，建议这句改成主动句 to encourage students to participate in some social activities among which they learn to communicate, cooperate with others. Many interpersonal skills cannot be learned in solitude 感觉很怪，为什么不用lonely?. On the contrary, the ones who always isolate themselves from others would risk of developing an odd and exclusive disposition that can hardly adapt  to the society. Sometimes those who lack enough socialization will behave abnormally. Every year in China a few of freshmen in colleges have to give up their study due to their inabilities of getting along well with the students around them. The main reason that resulted in it is that they always lived with their parents before entering colleges, which means they had few chances to contact others socially 这句没什么逻辑关联，难道中国孩子大部分不是跟父母住？. The analysis above illustrates that the socialization can play a pivotal and fatal role in developing children's well-rounded character that can help them to adapt to the environment and the society.

However, too arbitrary is the author to conclude that the destiny of our society is determined by how our children are socialized and we don't know how to raise children to build a better society. He obviously ignores the fact that the destiny of our society is a complex existence that relies on many factors besides the socialization of children. For example, the political and economic situation in our society can more influence people's life rather than how children are socialized. 这个思路很好，应该顺下去分析例子，讲一讲政治经济怎么影响社会命运的， 而且我怀疑你想用can be more influenced What's more, although the rule of lacking socialization means the deprivation of a well-rounded character, there are always some exceptional examples showing that some great people who can develop themselves in the help of their internal commitment rather than the external socialization. Lincoln, one of the greatest American presidents in history, developed himself mainly by self-study but not by participating in some educational institutions that have been regarded the best places to socialize individuals. 这个例子和论证逻辑性也不强，林肯没上学最后成了socilaized individuals跟社会命运是复杂的有何关系？

Furthermore, our society has explored many effective ways to how to educate our children into the citizens who can help bring about a better society. All the educational institutions in every nation are devised to nurture children’s children intellectually and morally and provide them the opportunities to get along with each other. Since I was very young, I have been taught about the importance of communication, cooperation, the tolerance to others and so on in schools and family.我觉得举自己的例子不是很能说明问题 Our society had realized the significance of cultivate his future generation.

In my final analysis, it is necessary to pay attention to children's socialization that can help them to adapt to our society in the future. But it is ridiculous 这个词有点言重了，issue题目的作者也是本着思考问题的角度来说的to shift all the responsibilities of the destiny of our society to the cultivation of the children

总体感觉还是很不错的，佩服楼主用词的灵活性！

[ Last edited by css on 2005-7-11 at 21:49 ]

ahqiuUID: 207682

刚刚给搂主改完了一篇，issue41
呵呵，还有我的提纲在上面，回去看一眼吧

ahqiuUID: 207682

It is a fact that the children's socialization is vital to their own development in this modern society which calls for a interactive communication, a broad cooperation with each other. However, it is an exaggeration that the socialization of children can determinate the destiny of society that[color=Blue]（两个that了，用个which吧）[/color] is very complicated. And actually our society has devised many effective ways to educate our children to become useful citizens who can help to build a better society.

First of all, I concede that the children's socialization will exert a strong influence upon their future and even the society. The socialization, broadly defined that how to get together with others, should be nurtured from many aspects. For example to encourage students to participate in some social activities among which they learn to communicate, cooperate with others. Many interpersonal skills cannot be learned in solitude. On the contrary, the ones who always isolate themselves from others would risk of developing an odd and exclusive disposition that can hardly adapt the society. Sometimes those who lack enough socialization will behave abnormally. Every year in China a few of freshmen in colleges have to give up their study due to their inabilities of getting along well with the students around them. The main reason that resulted in it is that they always lived with their parents before entering colleges, which means they had few chances to contact others socially. The analysis above illustrates that the socialization can play a pivotal and fatal role in developing children's well-rounded character that can help them to adapt the environment and the society.（你的中心句还说了对社会的影响，但我觉得你下文都没有提，那就把中心句的后面一点去掉吧，或者在文章再补上一句什么的，我暂时还没想出来）
However, too arbitrary is the author to conclude that the destiny of our society is determined by how our children are socialized and we don't know how to raise children to build a better society. He obviously ignores the fact that the destiny of our society is a complex existence that relies on many factors besides the socialization of children. For example, the political and economic situation in our society can more influence people's life rather than how children are socialized. What's more, although the rule of lacking socialization means the deprivation of a well-rounded character, there are always some exceptional examples showing that some great people who can develop themselves in the help of their internal commitment rather than the external socialization. Lincoln, one of the greatest American presidents in history, developed himself mainly by self-study but not by participating in some educational institutions that have been regarded the best places to socialize individuals. （这一段你的中心句说we don't know how to raise children to build a better society是too arbitrary,但下文只提到了如果没有这样的学校教育，有人也能成才，这个例子不是特别恰当，给人的感觉就算我们不去教小孩，他们也能自学成才，所以，倒不如说是我们怎样教与bring about a better society无关。我不知道对不对啊，个人意见，呵呵）

Furthermore, our society has explored many effective ways to how to educate our children into the citizens who can help bring about a better society. All the educational institutions in every nation are devised to nurture children’s （改成children） intellectually and morally and provide them the opportunities to get along with each other. Since I was very young, I have been taught about the importance of communication, cooperation, the tolerance to others and so on in schools and family. Our society had realized the significance of cultivate his future generation（用过去完成时，再考虑一下加个时间什么的.）

In my final analysis, it is necessary to pay attention to children's socialization that can help them to adapt to our society in the future. But it is ridiculous to shift all the responsibilities of the destiny of our society to the cultivation of the children.
你的语言就是没得说，结构很完整，真好！！;)

fhxyweiUID: 157384

谢谢两位的支持，  语法上的自己看不出来 ，其实我很清楚自己的作文中其他的毛病，论证不严密，有些例子很牵强！

有空我一定给你们拍，bow!!

mickyeUID: 198329

It is a fact that the children's socialization is vital to their own development in this modern society which calls for a interactive communication, a broad cooperation with each other. However, it is an exaggeration that the socialization of children can determinate the destiny of society that is very complicated. And actually our society has devised many effective ways to educate our children to become useful citizens who can help to build a better society.

First of all, I concede that the children's socialization will exert a strong influence upon their future and even the society. The socialization, broadly defined that how to get together with others, should be nurtured from many aspects. For example to encourage students to participate in some social activities among which they learn to communicate, cooperate with others. Many interpersonal skills cannot be learned in solitude. （可以展开，比如facing pressure, leadership, cooperation 等等）On the contrary, the ones who always isolate themselves from others would risk of developing an odd and exclusive disposition that can hardly adapt the society. Sometimes those who lack enough socialization will behave abnormally. Every year in China a few of freshmen in colleges have to give up their study due to their inabilities of getting along well with the students around them. The main reason that resulted in it(that result in it 超级中文) is that they always lived with their parents before entering colleges, which means they had few chances to contact others socially. （这个例子感觉不太合适啊，college student不算children）The analysis above illustrates that the socialization can play a pivotal and fatal role in developing children's well-rounded character that can help them to adapt the environment and the society.
看的出来写的比较急，感觉讲的比较散
不过还算大概讲出来了，就是socialization foster children’s health disposition.

However, too arbitrary is the author to conclude that the destiny of our society is determined by how our children are socialized and we don't know how to raise children to build a better society. He obviously ignores the fact that the destiny of our society is a complex existence that relies on many factors besides the socialization of children. For example, the political and economic situation in our society can more influence people's life rather than how children are socialized. (以上是argument的写法，其实直接讲就好啊，不要什么he ignores之类就好)What's more, although the rule of lacking socialization means the deprivation of a well-rounded character, there are always some exceptional examples showing that some great people who can develop themselves in the help of their internal commitment rather than the external socialization. Lincoln, one of the greatest American presidents in history, developed himself mainly by self-study but not by participating in some educational institutions that have been regarded the best places to socialize individuals. （如果仔细琢磨，我觉得这个self-study不等于没有socialization;我到是觉得Edison可能更合适一点）

Furthermore, our society has explored many effective ways to how to educate our children into the citizens who can help bring about a better society. All the educational institutions in every nation are devised to nurture children’s intellectually and morally（n.吧） and provide them the opportunities to get along with each other. Since I was very young, I have been taught about the importance of communication, cooperation, the tolerance to others and so on in schools and family. Our society had realized the significance of cultivate his future generation.
（这一段没讲清楚，我觉得应该从社会出发，说社会的方法的角度讲啊，什么formal education中注重培养啊，community activity等等啊，自己的那个例子不能说明任何问题）

In my final analysis, it is necessary to pay attention to children's socialization that can help them to adapt to our society in the future. But it is ridiculous to shift all the responsibilities of the destiny of our society to the cultivation of the children.

fhxyweiUID: 157384

谢谢各位的修改，这两天要跟老板做一个实验，回头过来跟大家改作文