Issue7 跪求拍砖

htpengUID: 2115584

算做第一篇吧,超时N久,字数475
题目:The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.

The arguer makes a dual claim, the first prong is that the video camera facilitates the record of contemporary life greatly, and the second is that video camera plays a more important role than written records in the storage of information. While I completely agree with the first prong, I think the second one is just a case-by-case problem.

Admittedly, the video camera has done a good job in today's information storage. It is because of its several advantages. First, the video camera is accurate enough to record what has happened objectively. The correctness of video camera won't be swayed by its own profits or subjective prejudice. Second, it can avoid the mistakes usurally made by people. Third, video camera can provide a fast recording speed. Even the best typist can't match a common video camera's speed. All the above makes the video camera a convincing equipment in information recording. So, it provides facility to modern life greatly.

However, though the video camera has so many advantages, we can't say it is more useful or more indispensable than written records. In fact, whether which of the two is more important depends on which fields they are applied in. A comparison is made to explain this problem.

In the storage of some live activities, video camera is certainly a most suitable choice. Take a vocal concert for example, written record can't bring the music to those who didn't present in the concert or record every detail of the concert. But video camera is competent for this job. Not only the songs of the singer but also the expression of  audiences can be recorded. So the people who didn't come to the concert can enjoy it also. And take a glance at the speeches made by politicians, written record can record the content of them, but it can't record the pose, the expression, or the tone of the orators.

In other fields written records are more suitable than video camera. When analyzing this case, the recording of academic achievements comes immediately into my mind, the complicated principles, formulae or abstract concepts are best recorded in the form of written documents. A video camera is not necessary in this situation, because you can't store the science explanation conveniently. Some other information such as a comment on some political events or the statute of a corporation is likely to be stored in written records. When reading written documents, people not only accept information but also analyze them, perhaps this is why sometimes people prefer written documents.

In the final analysis, the speaker is right when he thinks the video camera has become an accuracy and convincing form to record modern life, but he failed to realize the written record and video camera are both indispensable. The only differences between them is that they are best applied in different fields.

[ Last edited by htpeng on 2005-7-12 at 10:14 ]

AlexandraUID: 185174

明天 贴上啊......

abigredUID: 154473

The arguer makes a dual claim,（是冒号？） the first prong is that the video camera facilitates the record of contemporary life greatly, and the second is that video camera plays a more important role than written records in the storage of information. While I completely agree with the first prong, I think the second one is just a case-by-case problem.

Admittedly, the video camera has done a good job in today's information storage. It is because of its several advantages. First, the video camera is accurate enough to record what has happened objectively. The correctness of video camera won't be swayed by its own profits or subjective prejudice. Second, it can avoid the mistakes usurally usually made by people. Third, video camera can provide a fast recording speed. Even the best typist can't match a common video camera's speed. All the above makes the video camera a convincing equipment in information recording. So, it provides facility to modern life greatly.(这句话稍微简单了点)

However, though the video camera has so many advantages, we can't say it is more useful or more indispensable than written records. In fact, whether which of the two is more important depends on which fields they are applied in. A comparison is made to explain this problem.

In the storage of some live activities, video camera is certainly a most suitable choice. Take a vocal concert for example, written record can't bring the music to those who didn't present in the concert or record every detail of the concert. But video camera is competent for this job. Not only the songs of the singer but also the expression of  audiences can be recorded. So the people who didn't come to the concert can enjoy it also. And take a glance at the speeches made by politicians, written record can record the content of them, but it can't record the pose, the expression, or the tone of the orators.

In other fields written records are more suitable than video camera. When analyzing this case, the recording of academic achievements comes immediately into my mind, the complicated principles, formulae or abstract concepts are best recorded in the form of written documents. A video camera is not necessary in this situation, because you can't store the science explanation conveniently. Some other information such as a comment on some political events or the statute of a corporation is likely to be stored in written records. When reading written documents, people not only accept information but also analyze them, perhaps this is why sometimes people prefer written documents.

In the final analysis, the speaker is right when he thinks the video camera has become an accuracy(accurate) and convincing form to record modern life, but he failed(用一般时态吧，保持一致)to realize the written record and video camera are both indispensable. The only differences （用单数）between them is that they are best applied in different

写得不错的
注意一下语法错误，不少地方都是两个单句拼成一句
还有，句子可以稍微复杂一点，让人看得没那么浅显（装嘛:lol）

AlexandraUID: 185174

Issue7 跪求拍砖

算做第一篇吧,超时N久,字数475
题目:The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.

The arguer makes a dual claim, the first prong is that the video camera facilitates the record of contemporary life greatly, and the second is that video camera plays a more important role than written records in the storage of information. While I completely agree with the first prong, I think the second one is just a case-by-case problem.

Admittedly, the video camera has done a good job in today's information storage. It is because of its several advantages. First, the video camera is accurate enough to record what has happened objectively. The correctness of video camera won't be swayed by its own profits or subjective prejudice.   [这一点，我没想到啊]   Second, it can avoid the mistakes usurally    [usually]    made by people. Third, video camera can provide a fast recording speed. Even the best typist can't match a common video camera's speed. All the above makes the video camera a convincing equipment in information recording. So, it provides facility to modern life greatly.句子写得很顺，相信HTPENG的 句子组织功底，很好啊。

However, though the video camera has so many advantages, we can't say it is more useful or more indispensable than written records. In fact, whether which of the two   [我不太明白] is more important depends on which fields they are applied in. A comparison is made to explain this problem.

In the storage of some live activities, video camera is certainly a most suitable choice. Take a vocal concert for example, written record can't bring the music to those who didn't present in the concert or record every detail of the concert. But video camera is competent for this job. Not only the songs of the singer but also the expression of  audiences can be recorded. So the people who didn't come to the concert can enjoy it also. And take a glance at the speeches made by politicians, written record can record the content of them, but it can't record the pose, the expression, or the tone of the orators. 这样的例子，举的好啊。
但是，前后两个例子的句子组织形式，我感觉有些一样。  可能是我力求完美吧。

In other fields written records are more suitable than video camera. When analyzing this case, the recording of academic achievements comes immediately into my mind, the complicated principles, formulae or abstract concepts are best recorded in the form of written documents. A video camera is not necessary in this situation, because you can't store the science explanation conveniently. Some other information such as a comment on some political events or the statute of a corporation is likely to be stored in written records. When reading written documents, people not only accept information but also analyze them, perhaps this is why sometimes people prefer written documents.

In the final analysis, the speaker is right  [我想以后少用像right 或者wrong之类的词吧] when he thinks the video camera has become an accuracy and convincing form to record modern life, but he failed to realize the written record and video camera are both indispensable. The only differences between them is that they are best applied in different fields.

你写得很好啊。概括性很强。你句子的组织能力也很强， 厉害，崇拜啊。
但是，我要说一点。在第二段中，你说的是C 的优点。 然后，在第四段中 ，你拿C 与R 来比较，又写了C 的一些优点。 我感觉这样的逻辑关系，不太 好啊。
个人意见。
总之 向你学习。

AlexandraUID: 185174

补充几点。
我的观点是：
（1 ） C 确实有优势。是R 无法表现的。我想到几个例子。
           战地记者 在战争时期，用C 工具，记录下了真实的历史。
           如照片：  在《读者》上曾经看过一张很珍贵的摄影照片。一个士兵在战争结束归来，在接头拥吻了一个陌生的女孩子。 它将人们心底对和平的向往，热爱，很生动地表现了出来。这一瞬间被camera 的主人抓住，并将之 定格，也将这美好的一瞬间变成永恒。
           如 录象：  在希特勒时期，一个战地记者将这历史上可怕的时期，人类所遭受的磨难记录了下来，成为一本记录片，很多人后来在这片中 看到了自己的亲人们的样子。（这些亲人在战争中永远地 离开了他们。）

    这些，文字，是表现不了的。

  （2） R，记录了人们的想法，思考。尽管人们可以将想法的意境，用影象的方式用camera 来表现，但是，很大程度上，仍没有文字表现得直接，细腻，形象，生动。

htpengUID: 2115584

很大程度上拓宽了我的思路
让我看到还有更多可以完善的地方
感谢alexandra和abigred的修改:)