issue6 必互拍，留连接。。

vprzhsUID: 144409

Issue6  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：44分8秒     476 words
从2005年7月13日20时15分到2005年7月13日20时44分
------题目------
The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.
------正文------
Nowadays, the issue of finding the effective way to understand contemporary has been brought to public attention. I strongly recommend that analyzing the trends of its youngsters should be the perfect idea. Because the youth of every societies can not only accept and understand what is happening, but also produce new elements and lead the development of contemporary culture.

Firstly, it is not difficult for youngsters to absorb their days' culture, since they are so clear, and do have a good perception about anything. If some people are eager to research today's culture, they should pay attention on what young persons say, what young persons eat, how they think of the values system and how they behavior and so on. Such things all show us how contemporary culture is going on. Youngster are always up to date, and they do keep moving on they society and culture. Furthermore, we can learn information from young persons than those elder ones, in that people could be much easier to tall when they are young. Large numbers of youth never hide what they are thinking; conversely, they always expose it to others.  

Secondly, young persons of every period in history do have the ability to do something to help developing their culture. From some adults' eyes, young boys and young girls do not have enough experiences about handling everything happening in this world. In other words, such people little boys and little girls are so childish that they cannot do benefit to the culture. However, in my eyes, it is not true. Youngsters can add many elements into the contemporary culture. Sometimes culture could change a lot just for some youngsters' work. We can take a lot of historical cases for example if we want to. Numerous people even alter and lead the culture into a different way when they are much young. Like Kendy, a eminent poet, he wrote his first poem when he is eighteen years old. Another example is Rachial, a famous African dancer, she create a new dancing system.

Admittedly, people's ideas are not stable when they are young. Anything could come up so quickly, and all things could disappear so fast. It could be so hard to catch something if we do not care. Age is also a big problem for youth. They are not mature, and they know little about the development of their world. Therefore, these young men and women maybe do something wrong; they perhaps have some evil ideas which is not fit for contemporary culture. Some persons can break the rules, and do not obey the culture and even hate it.

In conclusion, it is unavoidable that it is necessary to analyze the trends of youngsters in order to understand contemporary culture effectively. This must be the best way to know the truth; this is the shortcut to do so.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-13 at 22:04 ]

pciciUID: 210908

我睡醒了起来帮你拍~~先up一下

pciciUID: 210908

Issue6  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：44分8秒     476 words
从2005年7月13日20时15分到2005年7月13日20时44分
------题目------
The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.
------正文------
Nowadays, the issue of finding the effective way to understand contemporary culture has been brought to public attention. I strongly recommend that analyzing the trends of its youngsters should be thea perfect idea. Because the youth of every societiessociety can not only accept and understand what is happening currently, but also produce new elementsconception? and lead the development prevalence? of contemporary culture.观点很清晰，最后一句修改成排比会更不错

Firstly, it is not difficult for youngsters to absorb their days'daily? culture, since they指代什么？ are so clear, and do have a good perception about anything. If some people are eager to research today's culture, they should pay attention on what young persons say, what young persons eat, how they think of the values system and how they behavior and so on.青年日常生活文化=当代文化？ Such things all show us how contemporary culture is going on. Youngster are always up to date, and they do keep moving on they society and culture. Furthermore, we can learn information from young persons than those elder ones, in that people could be much easier to talltalk with? when they are young. Large numbers of youth never hide what they are thinking; conversely, they always expose it to others.  

Secondly, young persons of every period in history do have the ability to do something to help developing their culture. From some adults' eyes, young boys and young girls do not have enough experiences about handling everything happening in this world. In other words, such people, little boys and little girls are so childish that they cannot do benefitmake contribution和益于社会有很大区别 to the culture. However, in my eyes, it is not truethe case. Youngsters can add many elementsnew conception或者你想用new theory into the contemporary culture. Sometimes culture could change a lot just for some youngsters' work. We can take a lot of historical cases for example if we want toif we want to 有些多余，想再凑字数，建议删去. Numerous people even alter and lead 词序lead and even alter the culture into a different way when they are much youngat an early age. Like Kendy, a eminent poet, he wrote his first poem when he is eighteen years old. Another example is Rachial, a famous African dancer, she create a new dancing system. 例子后面总结一下会比较好，感觉例子讲的衔接应该再加强一下，而且后一个例子是指她年轻的时候就创立的吗？不过如果再说明得清楚一些，应该很切合论证可以在年轻的时候就有所贡献，甚至开创新体系

Admittedly, people's ideas are not stable when they are young. Anything could come up so quickly, and all things could disappear so fast. 注意coherenceIt could be so hard to catch something if we do not care. Age is also a big problem for youth. They are not maturepremature, and they know little about the development of their worldvery clearly不能说不知道，只能说没有很清楚的认识. Therefore, these young men and women maybe do something wrongprone to make fallacies; they perhaps have some evil ideas which is not fit for contemporary culture. Some persons can break the rules, and do not obey the culture and even hate it.这一段论证不强，论证句子太散了
其实我不是很习惯在issue里看到first,second在段首，而且如果用了也最好用到底，最后一段Finally and admittedly比较好。
In conclusion, it is unavoidable that it is necessary to analyze the trends of youngsters in order to understand contemporary culture effectively. This must be the best way to know the truth. In a word, this is the shortcut to do so.
总的来说，条理和结构还是很清晰，前两个论证段也都做到了有效论证，在用词和句式上多注意一点或更好，我只能从语言上帮你改改，说的不对的地方还需要大家的指正。~~再次谢谢你的拍砖噢

ynzheng_cqUID: 2114160

第二段还可以展开一些 比如从年轻人吃的，如快餐文化等可以看出社会生活节奏快速化的趋势 等等
第三段前面绕了好多，意思都差不多 呵呵 还有年轻人对社会有贡献和认识一个社会之间也需要联系一下

pciciUID: 210908

我也是一般写到第三段就快到时间了，只好凑字数了

sharon84UID: 2110816

Nowadays, the issue of finding the effective way to understand contemporary has been brought to [也可以改成has drawn，不太确定有没有bring sth to attention这个用法噢] public attention. I strongly recommend that analyzing the trends of its youngsters should be the perfect [issue中最好不要出现perfect这种词，直接用the most effective one吧] idea. Because the youth of every societies can not only accept and understand what is happening, but also produce new elements and lead [感觉把and lead 改成 leading好些:)] the development of contemporary culture.

Firstly, it is not difficult for youngsters to absorb their days' culture [absorb culture似乎不太搭配，你想说的是年轻人更容易接受新鲜事物吧，用简单的词new things怎么样？:)], since they are so clear, and do have a good perception about anything [everything]. If some people are eager to research today's culture, they should pay attention on [to] what young persons say, what young persons eat, how they think of the values system and how they behavior and so on. Such things all show us how contemporary culture is going on. Youngster are always up to date, and they do keep moving on [keep pace with] they [current] society and culture. Furthermore, we can learn [more,你后面进行了对比哦] information from young persons than those elder ones, in that people could be much easier to tall when they are young [It is usually much easier to talk with persons when they are young]. Large numbers [number] of youth never hide what they are thinking; conversely, they always expose it to others.  
[不少地方的语法还值得斟酌，另外可以考虑适当地举例，比如快餐文化什么的:p]

Secondly, young persons of every period in history do have the ability to do something to help developing their culture. From [In] some adults' eyes, young boys and young girls do not have enough experiences about handling everything happening in this world. In other words, such people [去掉people] little boys and little girls are so childish that they cannot do benefit to the culture. However, in my eyes, it is not true. Youngsters can add many elements into the contemporary culture. Sometimes culture could change a lot just for some youngsters' work. We can take a lot of historical cases for example if we want to. Numerous people even alter and lead the culture into a different way when they are much young. Like Kendy, a eminent poet, he wrote his first poem when he is eighteen years old. Another example is Rachial, a famous African dancer, she create a new dancing system.
[开头部分似乎有点啰嗦，例子中的Kendy是什么人？金山词霸中没有找到哦:p]

Admittedly, people's ideas are not stable when they are young. Anything could come up so quickly, and all things could disappear so fast. It could be so [too] hard to catch something if we do not care. [Besides，] Age is also a big problem for youth. They are not mature, and they know little [do not know much， little是完全否定了] about the development of their world. Therefore, these young men and women maybe do something wrong; they perhaps have some evil ideas which is not fit for contemporary culture. Some persons can break the rules, and [去掉and] do not obey the culture and even hate it.
[这段相比前几段要逊色些，感觉条理不是很清晰]

In conclusion, it is unavoidable that [直接用undeniably开头，that从句太多了。。] it is necessary to analyze the trends of youngsters in order to understand contemporary culture effectively. This must be the best way to know the truth; this is the shortcut to do so [觉得语气强烈了些，可以这样说 In my view, it is an effective way, if not the best, or even perhaps a shorcut to know about a culture. ]

ps.文中的语态也要注意哦，could出现了好多:p
此外，我觉得对这个论点还是抱点否定态度比较好，谈谈了解一个文化的其他途径

[ Last edited by sharon84 on 2005-7-14 at 16:43 ]

vprzhsUID: 144409

谢谢楼上两位！

vickyqiuUID: 2114845

Issue6
The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.
------正文------
Nowadays, the issue of finding the effective way to understand contemporary has been brought to public attention. I strongly recommend that analyzing the trends of its youngsters should be the perfect idea. Because the youth of every societies can not only accept and understand what is happening, but also produce new elements and lead the development of contemporary culture.

Firstly, it is not difficult for youngsters to absorb their days' culture, since they are so clear [clever?] , and do have a good perception about anything [好极端啊] . If some people are eager to research today's culture, they should pay attention on [to] what young persons say, what young persons eat, how they think of the values system [他们怎样看待价值体系？变扭也] and how they behavior and so on. Such things all show us how contemporary culture is going on [developing on?] . Youngster are always up to date, and they do keep moving on they society and culture. Furthermore, we can learn [more] information from young persons than those elder ones, in that people could be much easier to tall [communicate with 要表达什么？] when they are young. Large numbers of youth never hide what they are thinking; conversely, they always expose it to others.  

Secondly, young persons of every period in history do have the ability to do something to help developing their culture. From some adults' eyes, young boys and young girls do not have enough experiences about handling everything happening in this world. In other words, such people little boys and little girls are so childish that they cannot do benefit to the culture. However, in my eyes, it is not true. Youngsters can add many elements into the contemporary culture. Sometimes culture could change a lot just for some youngsters' work [重复是要强调？] . We can take a lot of historical cases for example if we want to. Numerous people even alter and lead the culture into a different way when they are much young. Like Kendy, a [an] eminent poet, he wrote his first poem when he is eighteen years old. Another example is Rachial, a famous African dancer, she create a new dancing system。 [前文颠来倒去说好几句，其实可以把后面的例子具体展开嘛，这样才能论证有力的说]

Admittedly, people's ideas are not stable when they are young. Anything could come up so quickly, and all things could disappear so fast. It could be so hard to catch something if we do not care. Age is also a big problem for youth. They are not mature, and they know little about the development of their world. Therefore, these young men and women maybe do something wrong; they perhaps have some evil ideas which is [are] not fit for contemporary culture. Some persons can [would] break the rules, and do not obey the culture and even hate it. [ 文化包括很多方面，只写人的思想有点以偏概全了，还可以写写艺术、信仰、风俗什么的，青年抵制是一种行为方式，也是文化的一部份也]

In conclusion, it is unavoidable that it is necessary to analyze the trends of youngsters in order to understand contemporary culture effectively. This must be the best way to know the truth; this is the shortcut to do so.
总体上，很佩服你的流畅的语言也，句式很丰富，功底不错哦。文化类似乎不是很好把握，多查查相关资料吧
很谢谢你帮我看并一针见血的指出要害哦 ，非常感谢

vprzhsUID: 144409

谢谢您的意见