ARGUMENT76 同志们, 饱含被ETS羞辱的来挨砖了!

mvpzhuangUID：205051

总的不错啊，比俺写得好多了。大家都说了那么多了，俺也不晓得说啥了 顶一下拉
俺有点菜，帮俺也看看吧 同主题的
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

skaterUID：2116878

哦....大家在我不在的时候把我的楼盖得好高啊....

skaterUID：2116878

Originally posted by mvpzhuang at 2005-7-24 15:09
总的不错啊，比俺写得好多了。大家都说了那么多了，俺也不晓得说啥了 顶一下拉
俺有点菜，帮俺也看看吧 同主题的
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=
...

OK, 有空就去.最近欠债太多了

lleputaUID：192475

努力~~奋斗~~改贴~~~^_^
In this argument, the author concludes that the Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition (conditions)of facial skin .To support this argument, the author provides the evidence that a group of volunteers participated in a study of consumer responses to the new Luxess face cream and the fact that every morning for a month, they washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess consequently reported a marked improvemet in the way their skin looked and felt.(the author relies on a study that the participators reported a marked improvement in the way their skin looked and felt after washing faces with mild soap and Luxess for a month) However, a careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.
Firstly(如果不确定,不如用first of all), the study of consumer responses to the new product seems meaningless.(消费者和测试者是两个概念吧,What the participators response to the new product in the study seems meaningless.而且其实觉得这句很废话,直接用下面那句做主旨句还要漂亮一点.)  The author fails to provides any information that would increase the credibility of the study. The identity of the volunteers and conductor of the study as well as their relationship with the Luxess company are all unknown to the reader. It is doubtful that whether the study is only a means to advertise. In addition, if it is true that (even if)the volunteers and the conductor are neutral about the company(product),  to obtain a telling conclusion, the quantity and quality (+ of the anticipators))are needed based on the statistical method. But (However), the author does not indicate the information such as the number , the gender , or the basic condition (conditions). of their skin of the volunteers(the volunteers' skins). Thus, the reader get little idea of the ground about the study at all . The study show nothing use except a means of a advertisement.(重复了,建议换个说法.).
Second, the author falsely establishes a causal relationship between the fact that the volunteers washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess every morning for a month(可删除).)  and the report that they gain a marked improvement in the way their skin looked and felt. It is hard to say whether the Luxess really took effect during this period of time(可删除).) . Probably, they get (可删除).) the so-called improvement would attribute to the mild soap they used during this month . After all , no evidence such as a chemical experiment has provides it is the Luxess who took effect in improving. Meanwhile, the author offers no information about the use period nor the appropriate applying time because the volunteers use only at morning and merely for one month. Among the cosmetics, few products would take effect efficiently only in one month. Therefore, sufficient reasons are support the suspect about the causal relationship .(感觉调查的期限太短,应该放在上面一段说,而可能有其他的因素使皮肤变好,有肥皂或者身体因素等各方面作用,所以第二和第三段应该合并.^_^个人意见).)
Finally, the author treats the fact that a marked improvement in the way the skin looked and felt as the another fact that Luxess truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin. For example, some temporary improvement such as making the skin cleaner, more beautiful or satiny does not equates a whole improvement of the skin which also dependent on some other factors. One could even get some improvement of the skin by take some kinds of physical exercise while the physical condition would also influence the condition of one's skin. So the conclusion based on the reports from the volunteers is ungrounded.
To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the argument maintains. To strengthen the argument the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning the volunteers and conductors. To better evaluate this argument, we would need more information regarding the study and the Luxess real effect.
总结一下.
1\提纲:A调查的可靠性(调查机构\调查者的选取及情况\调查时间)
       B其他因素(肥皂\运动及其他)
2\还有就是该简练的地方,就努力简练吧,要舍得删除,有一些废话,还有一些地方反复表达一个意思,没必要.
3\虽然批判了很多,但是比偶写得好...^_^呵呵~~~
4\后面就自己组织语言重写吧..

[ Last edited by lleputa on 2005-7-27 at 10:09 ]