Argument117 同主题写作 必回拍

hyyhlxUID: 208107

In this argument, the business manager asserts that office-supply departments would become the most profitable component of Valu-Mart stores if they increase stock of office supplies. To support it the manager cites a recent survey. Yet the argument suffers from several logic flaws and is therefore unconvincing.

To begin with, I have several reasons to doubt the reliability of the survey. First, we are not informed about the range of the survey, how many people actually participate in the survey? The fewer the respondents were, the less reliability the survey was. Next, the manager provides no information about the respondents' backgrounds such age, gender, occupation and so on. Hence it is tricky to judge whether the respondents were representative of the overall group of workers. In short, absent such information the manager cannot confidently to rely on the result of the survey to draw any firm conclusion.

Even assuming the result of the survey is credible, the fact that people are required to take more work home from the workplace than they were in the past cannot support the conclusion that all Valu-Mart stores should increase the stock of home office machines. On the one hand, no clear evidence indicates that there's a demanding for home machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. For example, it is possible that people could accomplish their unfinished work on their personal computers and most of them have already possessed at least one computer. On the other hand, maybe the "work" people said in the survey did not mean the affairs they addressed in the office. It is possible that the fierce competence made them to enhance their abilities in home such as learning a foreign langue or improving the ability of using computer and etc.

Finally, even assuming there is an increasing demanding for home machines, the manager arrives at a hasty conclusion that once increasing stock of office supplies their office-supply department would become the most profitable component of their store. However, the manager fails to provide a marketing study and a specific business strategy to prove this. What are the current amount of home machines demanded? Will this demands increase in the future? Which type of the home machines is most popular among the working people? And how much are the costs if our store will increase stock of home machines? Could we take up the market share as soon as possible with respect to our competitors? Without taking into account a series of questions referred above, it is difficult to predict whether the office-supply will become profitable.

In sum, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the arguer must provide clear evidence that there are demands for home machines and such trends will continue in the future. To better assess it I need more information about the condition of the market and the specific strategy of the store.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-29 at 13:13 ]

bnugirlUID: 2103958

In this argument, the business manager asserts that office-supply departments would become the most profitable component of Valu-Mart stores if they increase stock of office supplies. To support it the manager cites a recent survey. 还有另外一个证据Yet the argument suffers from several logic flaws and is therefore unconvincing.向你学习，开头简洁

To begin with, I have several reasons to doubt the reliability of the survey. First, we are not informed about the range of the survey, how many people actually participate in the survey? The fewer the respondents were, the less reliability the survey was. 应该要再具体的举例 Next, the manager provides no information about the respondents' backgrounds suchas age, gender, occupation and so on.我觉得加上没有的话会怎麽样的具体例子会更好一些 Hence it is tricky to judge whether the respondents were representative of the overall group of workers. In short, absent such information可以这样说吗 in absence of such information the manager cannot confidently to rely on the result of the survey to draw any firm conclusion.

Even assuming the result of the survey is credible, the fact that people are required to take more work home from the workplace than they were in the past cannot support the conclusion that all Valu-Mart stores should increase the stock of home office machines. On the one hand, no clear evidence indicates that there's a demanding for home machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. For example, it is possible that people could accomplish their unfinished work on their personal computers and most of them have already possessed at least one computer. 我觉得还要指出近于电脑有关，与其他的无关On the other hand, maybe the "work" people said in the survey did not mean the affairs they addressed in the office. It is possible that the fierce competence made them to enhance their abilities in home such as learning a foreign langue or improving the ability of using computer and etc. 这点好，我没想到，借鉴

Finally, even assuming there is an increasing demanding for home machines, the manager arrives at a hasty conclusion that once increasing stock of office supplies their office-supply department would become the most profitable component of their store. However, the manager fails to provide a marketing study and a specific business strategy to prove this. What areis the current amount of home machines demanded? Will this demands去掉 increase in the future? Which type of the home machines is most popular among the working people? And how much are the costs if our store will increase stock of home machines? Could we take up the market share as soon as possible with respect to our competitors? Without taking into account a series of questions referred above, it is difficult to predict whether the office-supply will become profitable.这段推理很清晰

In sum, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the arguer must provide clear evidence that there are demands for home machines and such trends will continue in the future. 没有把调查是否正确提出来，失误！！To better assess it ，I need more information about the condition of the market and the specific strategy of the store.

没看过你上一篇阿狗，但是从这篇来看还可以，思路是对的并且语言运用丰富，以后多注意开头结尾与论证过程的对应。

偶的同一篇 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

[ Last edited by bnugirl on 2005-7-29 at 11:42 ]

hyyhlxUID: 208107

谢谢哈，指正得很好，我明天回拍