issue109 G-89-互助社-8.3同主题写作入社第一篇~~

fairy115UID: 200324

109 "The purpose of many advertisements is to make consumers want to buy a product so that they will 'be like' the person in the ad. This practice is effective because it not only sells products but also helps people feel better about themselves."
109．很多广告的目的是要让消费者因为拥有产品后“像”广告中的人物而购买某种产品，这样的广告是有效的，因为这样既销售了产品，又让人们自我感觉良好.
第一篇罗~~~~


You could call me a shop-a-holic, as most of my friends do, but I call myself a lover of fashion. Years ago, this statement precisely described me: all things I want to buy are influenced by what the advertisement tells me I need to buy. But things have changed after realizing that I have become the victim of those kinds of advertisements, I want my choice reflects, but not define me. Advertisements can't always be effective as more and more consumers, like me, become rational.

Advertisers show people around us, yet they choose only a certain look or way of living. By showing us just these people, they are defining those few as the beautiful or successful. Advertisements feeds off human insecurities, afriand of can't be popular or glamorous, and make us want to be like the person in the ads with certain message, such as what is hot, what is cool, what is the best, and what we should be like? When consumers first encounter the persuading ads, most of them will believe that if we are not thin and curvy, we are not attractive, if we are not having certain brand cigar or wine, men are not manly... But is it true? Can people still feel better after freshness fades? Is it the most suitable for every individual?  Great personalities without physically beautiful, responsibility with sense of humor may serve as alternative ,permanent, more suitable standard of attractive person and manly men. Being more experienced with those kinds of ads, consumers can understand what they really want in the end.


The ads that make consumers want to buy a product so that they will "be like" the person in the ads can't help people feel better and be effective in the long run unless the products is really good. A case in point is the Nestle, a major manufacturers in infant formula, use the vehicle of advertising to open new markets in the Third World as birth rates in developed countries has declined. Their ads intended to convince women that breast-feeding aren't "modern" and bottle-feeding is healthier. Of course the premise of the ads is medically false---breast-feeding provides superior benefits compared to all synthetic substitutes. Nevertheless, many women are taken in by the false advertising; as a result, according to United Nations Children's Fund, 1.5 million infants die each year chiefly because of this false advertising. At first, these mothers feel better because they supply "what is the best" to their babies with the belief that their babies will be healthier than those feed in traditional way, and there is no doubt that the sales of such infant formula are high in the Third World. But in the long run, when truth comes clear, mothers will stop bottle-feeding, feel regret and anxious instead of good feeling. Further more, they may never buy products with the brand Nestle. As a wise quip," Time wounds all heels", indicates those false ads, though convincing, appealing, charming, are doomed to failing.  

In addition, consumers are more and more rational now, so they may not just want to be like the person in the ads. And they know what they want and what suits them very clearly. " Yeah, I know the red color is the rage, but I wanna be different, and my skin looks shining with color blue." "Tops? No. It is not my type, because I am not curvy and thin." We can hear such saying nearly everyday, since we worship the uniqueness.

However, good products need advertising to let everyone know them and we remain affected by advertising to some extent. It is not wrong to follow the lead ads gives us. But the advertisers must know that good qualities and moral advantages are more important than advertising, and the consumers should hold the believing that what the ads say is not always true.


Is it the victim's fault for believing or the fault of society for allowing advertisers to do so? It is the question we can't answer now, but the experiences and rationality will equip us to persuading ads readily and uniqueness let us be more immune to "effective" persuasion.

fairy115@tom.com

liulin12369UID: 2112878

这个我也收下了，一会来改！

liulin12369UID: 2112878

issue109 G-89-互助社-8.3同主题写作入社第一篇~~

109 "The purpose of many advertisements is to make consumers want to buy a product so that they will 'be like' the person in the ad. This practice is effective because it not only sells products but also helps people feel better about themselves."
109．很多广告的目的是要让消费者因为拥有产品后“像”广告中的人物而购买某种产品，这样的广告是有效的，因为这样既销售了产品，又让人们自我感觉良好.
第一篇罗~~~~


You could call me a shop-a-holic, as most of my friends do, but I call myself a lover of fashion. Years ago, this statement precisely described me: all things I want to buy are influenced by what the advertisement tells me I need to buy. But things have changed after realizing that I have become the victim of those kinds of advertisements, I want my choice reflects（不通）, but not define me. Advertisements can't always be effective as more and more consumers, like me, become rational.很不错的新颖的开头，可以用来引出，但是似乎过于个人化的感受了，特别position基于个人经验似乎不够客观。观点是反对。

Advertisers show people around us, yet they（指带谁？advertiser 还是people ) choose only a certain look or way of living. By showing us just these people, they are defining those few as the beautiful or successful. Advertisements feeds off human insecurities, afriand of can't be popular or glamorous, and make us want to be like the person in the ads with certain message, such as what is hot, what is cool, what is the best, and what we should be like? When consumers first encounter the persuading ads, most of them will believe that if we are not thin and curvy, (一句话里人称转换错误，they变成了we?)we are not attractive, if we are not having certain brand cigar or wine, men are not manly... But is it true? Can people still feel better after freshness fades? Is it the most suitable for every individual?  Great personalities without physically beautiful, responsibility with sense of humor may serve as alternative ,permanent, more suitable standard of attractive person and manly men. Being more experienced with those kinds of ads, consumers can understand what they really want in the end.主题句意思不够明确，中间问句很多，缺乏逻辑论证的连接感，以及事实支持。大概的意思是上当受骗以后才到自我。


The ads that make consumers want to buy a product so that they will "be like" the person in the ads can't help people feel better and be effective in the long run unless the products is really good. A case in point is the Nestle, a major manufacturers in infant formula, use the vehicle of advertising to open new markets in the Third World as birth rates in developed countries has declined. Their ads intended to convince women that breast-feeding aren't "modern" and bottle-feeding is healthier. Of course the premise of the ads is medically false---breast-feeding provides superior benefits compared to all synthetic substitutes. Nevertheless, many women are taken in by the false advertising; as a result, according to United Nations Children's Fund, 1.5 million infants die each year chiefly because of this false advertising. At first, these mothers feel better because they supply "what is the best" to their babies with the belief that their babies will be healthier than those feed in traditional way, and there is no doubt that the sales of such infant formula are high in the Third World. But in the long run, when truth comes clear, mothers will stop bottle-feeding, feel regret and anxious instead of good feeling. Further more, they may never buy products with the brand Nestle. As a wise quip," Time wounds all heels", indicates those false ads, though convincing, appealing, charming, are doomed to failing.  这一段主题鲜明多了。但是举例不当，论题是说购买商品以后像拍广告的人，不是广告改变了人们的旧习惯观念。

In addition, consumers are more and more rational now, so they may not just want to be like the person in the ads. And they know what they want and what suits them very clearly. " Yeah, I know the red color is the rage, but I wanna be different, and my skin looks shining with color blue." "Tops? No. It is not my type, because I am not curvy and thin." We can hear such saying nearly everyday, since we worship the uniqueness.

However, good products need advertising to let everyone know them and we remain affected by advertising to some extent. It is not wrong to follow the lead ads gives us. But the advertisers must know that good qualities and moral advantages are more important than advertising, and the consumers should hold the believing that what the ads say is not always true.


Is it the victim's fault for believing or the fault of society for allowing advertisers to do so? It is the question we can't answer now, but the experiences and rationality will equip us to persuading ads readily and uniqueness let us be more immune to "effective" persuasion.

评语：语言很新颖，大胆尝试是好事情，但是破题有偏差。题目给了一个前提，论断说这个有效，并且说了2个原因。个人觉得应该从论断和原因入手。虽然文中确实也有对提目的提及，但是不够严密和具有说服力。

fairy115UID: 200324

多谢啦！待我改改，一会儿把修改稿贴出来的~~