argument117 拍必回！

ouymUID: 2109118

Argument 117 我的第一篇。

The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores. 【117】
"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
最近一次调查超过70％的回应者报告说他们被要求回家完成的工作量比以前多。由于Valu-Mart在过去并没有发现办公用品部销量的显著上升，我们应该利用这种在家办公的趋势，在所有Valu-Mart商店增加家庭办公机器比如打印机、小型复印机、碎纸机和传真机的存货。我们也将增加办公用品比如纸笔和钉书机的存货。通过这些变革，我们办公用品部将会成为我们商店中盈利最多的部门。

In this memo the business manager of Valu-Marts stores recommends that in order to enhance the sale of office-supply departments of Valu-Mart stores, Valu-Marts should increase the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders and so on. To support this recommendation the manager cites that in a recent survey over 70 percent of the respondents reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. This argument rests on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.

A threshold assumption upon which the recommendation relies is that the survey is reliable in the first place. Unfortunately, there exist some uncertain factors which will undermine the survey’s reliability. Firstly, there is no evidence suggest that the respondents are representative of the overall population. Maybe the number of respondents is too low to ensure that all the workers are required to take more work home with them from the workplace. Secondly, the manager fails to tell us where the survey was conducted. If the survey was conducted at cities that have not stores of Valu-Mart, then how could Valu-Mart benefit from these cities’ workers?

Even assuming that the survey is reliable, the recommendation relies on the additional assumption that working at home will definitely increase the need of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, and so on. It is a matter of fact that it would be a high cost for a company to offer his every worker all of these machines. In order to save money, maybe workers would be asked to write at home and hand in their work by sending emails back to their company and then print or copy at the workplace. If this is true, then taking more work home will not lead to increase need of home office machines. As to paper, pens, and staplers, working more at home will also not lead to increase the whole needs of these things for the needs of these things in workplace will decline at same time. As we can not make sure the need of these things will increase, then it is unwise to increase the stock of them.

Even assuming that the needs of home office machines and paper, pens, and staplers will increase, the manager still overlooks another important factor. If in the same area there have too many other stores who also sale these things and the supply is far greater than the demand, then improper increasing the stock will probably lead Valu-Mart to the bad.

In conclusion, to persuade me that Valu-Mart should increase the stock of home office machines, the manager must provide more information bout the survey’s reliability. The manager must also provide evidence that working more at home will lead to more need of home office machines. And the manager still needs to consider the supply and demand of home office machines.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-7 at 10:42 ]

lawrence1984UID: 178326

argument 117 拍必回！

Argument 117 我的第一篇。

The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores. 【117】
"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
最近一次调查超过70％的回应者报告说他们被要求回家完成的工作量比以前多。由于Valu-Mart在过去并没有发现办公用品部销量的显著上升，我们应该利用这种在家办公的趋势，在所有Valu-Mart商店增加家庭办公机器比如打印机、小型复印机、碎纸机和传真机的存货。我们也将增加办公用品比如纸笔和钉书机的存货。通过这些变革，我们办公用品部将会成为我们商店中盈利最多的部门。

In this memo the business manager of Valu-Marts stores recommends that in order to enhance the sale of office-supply departments of Valu-Mart stores, Valu-Marts should increase the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders and so on. To support this recommendation the manager cites that in a recent survey over 70 percent of the respondents reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. This argument rests on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.（你的开头用了新东方八婆式的，但是在实际的考试中并不是很实用，ETS对于这种开头并不看好，Argument要证明的是你的逻辑论证能力，你可以参考其他简洁又可以切中题目的模板啊。）

A threshold assumption upon which the recommendation relies（可以用BASED ON/ REST WITH,替换rely upon,不要总是用一个词组嘛。你认为呢？） is that the survey is reliable in the first place
（去掉更好。）. Unfortunately, there exist some uncertain factors which will undermine the survey’s reliability. Firstly, there is no evidence（to） suggest that the respondents are representative of the overall population. Maybe the number of respondents is too low （small）to ensure that all the workers are required to take more work home with them from the workplace. Secondly, the manager fails to tell us where the survey was conducted. If the survey was conducted at cities that have not stores of Valu-Mart, then how could Valu-Mart benefit from these cities’ workers?（可以加一句在段落结尾。If these were the case, the result of the survey is too vague to give any informative suggestion.不知道你认为怎样？）

   （让步，好！）Even assuming that the survey is reliable, the recommendation relies on the additional assumption that working at home will definitely increase the need of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, and so on. It is a matter of fact that it would be a high cost for a company to offer his（去掉） every worker all of these machines. In order to save money, maybe workers would be asked to write at home and hand in their work by sending emails back to their company and then print or copy at the workplace. If this is true, then taking more work home will not（necessary） lead to increase （the）need of home office machines. As to paper, pens, and staplers, working more at home will also not lead to increase the whole needs of these things for the needs of these things in workplace will decline at same time. As we can not make sure the need of these things will increase, then it is unwise to increase the stock of them.( 这段论证还过得去吧。)

Even assuming that the needs of home office machines and paper, pens, and staplers will increase, the manager still overlooks another important factor. If in the same area there have too many other stores who also sale these things and the supply is far greater than the demand, then improper increasing the stock will probably lead Valu-Mart to the bad.（可以把这段的论证细节化一下，说多一点他因。不晓得你觉得是否应该这样？）——

In conclusion, to persuade me that Valu-Mart should increase the stock of home office machines, the manager must provide more information bout（about,注意打字问题！） the survey’s reliability. The manager must also provide evidence that working more at home will lead to more need of home office machines. And the manager still needs to consider the supply and demand of home office machines（结尾用的也是模板，还可以。但是在逻辑性的语句上我觉得还应该多练习一下。个人意见，仅供参考。！）.

ouymUID: 2109118

呵呵，lawrence1984 真是火眼金睛啊！谢了！
这是我的第一篇argument,我为了能让第一篇能及时“顺产”，昨晚，我几乎是对着北美范文套出来的！
我在网上见人说过有关第一段复述的问题，并且深以为然！只是我还不知道该如何简洁的写。我一定会好好找这方面的范文，实在找不到的话，我再去向您请教！
今天白天要去踩点，11号就要考了。所以，我只能晚上回来拜读您的大作！

ouymUID: 2109118

to lawrence1984
我大略看了一下你的帖子。你是考的今年6G吧！成绩不错吧！
我要向你学习，考完后我也会回来给大家看文章的！
在这里最好了，有这么多志同道合的xdjm，真是要好好感谢一下互联网的！

lawrence1984UID: 178326

呵呵，祝你好运啊！

G10T5UID: 2101393

你的B1和B3有点重，一个说没商店，一个说商店太多。其实题目最后还有一个the most profitable component of our stores可以批判的，另外它效益不好的原因也不一定是没有市场，可能是他的价格，服务态度等