issue150 G-89-互助社-8.10日同主题作文！非常思路！欢迎评价！

polymathUID: 179557

昨天帮大家修改了5篇！自己没时间写了！今天补发一篇，大家来评点！呵呵！还比较满意！:)

150. "Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete." 由于电视和全球范围内的计算机网络，人们现在可以熟悉很多以前从未涉足过的地方，其结果就是使得旅游变得过时了。 （习作15，2005/08/10） ☆☆☆☆
Syllabus:disagree.
1.TV和internet的Information激起了人们对于景点的兴趣，旅游热情，旅游客流增加。
2.TV和internet的Information实际上是帮助旅游事业发展的促销广告，通过这种宣传将促进旅游产业更好的发展。
3.TV和internet的Information的确让人们熟悉了很多以前从未涉足过的地方，而且满足了一部分人想去但又没有机会旅游的愿望，但是这并不应该成为旅游事业繁荣发展的拦路石。
4.总结：TV和internet的Information 不仅不会阻挡旅游产业的发展，相反会使旅游更加繁荣的发展下去。

Will tourism rapidly wane(extinc) as people gradually become familiar with a great many places that they have never vistied by television and worldwide computer connections？The speaker claims so. However, based on personal experience and actual observations of life, I contend that internet and television can only stimulate our interests and cuirosity about tourism rather than appreciate some pictures or sounds on the screen. As a reslut, tourism will gain further progress.

For one thing, the rolling-information about many great places on TV and internet can spark human’ interests of view-sites; as a result, people’s enthusiasm towards tourism and the number of visiting teams will be greatly increased. Due to historsic reasons for unknown or no introduction, there are many good places that people seldom visit. But as the  mankind have the intinct of curiosity, once we can get detailed information about some interesting places that are merited to go, no matter getting from TV or internet, we will eagerly emerge a desire for paying a visit. For example, when a man grasps some travel guidance on the place where he has dreamed for a long time on the internet, provided that it is affordable, he will probably make a plan for a visit. Therefore, in this sense, the television  and internet always ignite person's desire for viewing the attracting places.

For another thing, such rolling-information about visiting places on TV and internet are in fact promotional campaigns aiding for tourist trade; as a result, tourism will achiveve further progress. As a high-repayed tremendous industry, more and more countries prefer to establish many advertisements on television and internet about their local cultures and scenes in order to draw more tourists to their lands. For instance, as the fourth country with the largest number of outbound tourists, China has worked out its strategic plan for tourism development and the goal is to become the world's leading tourism country. In order to achieve this goal, China not only gears up the development of tourism facilities, but also focus on promotional campaigns carried by key media such as TV and internet. “Beijing, 2008”, “ Welcome to China”, when a person turns on the TV, or just touches on the mouse for the first time, he or she will probably be moved by the slogan and intend to travel to China. Therefore computer connectivity and television might actually boom tourism and there will be more people taking delight in going out for a tour.

Admittedly, people can know more about places through TV and internet and these information do satisfy with someone’ willing of “Tending to go but have no means to go”.For example, he or she has not enough money for a visit or has no long vocation for travelling. Yet this will not be the obstacle on the booming road of the tourism, on the contrary, most people cannot be easily satisfied with the only get information from them.There are two compelling reasons for this: First, this information always imparts limited things of a place, more interesting and appealing contents will be left to the audience to imagine. Thus the so-called familiarity rightly becomes the impetus to urge one’s personal visit. Second, with the improvement of living standard and change of relaxation conception, more and more people prefer going out to experience the unknown world and unfamiliar culture, such as arcane nature phenomena and exotic atmosphere. In short, the aim we seeking for touring is to feel and enjoy the real scenery actually.

In conclusion, tourism can not be impeded by the prevalence of television and worldwide network. Rather, the prevalence does a favor to make people more acquainted with new places they want to go and thus tourism, as a result, will continue to thrive inevitably.(625)

[ Last edited by polymath on 2005-8-10 at 19:52 ]

plutoplutoUID: 2116389

我来改ISSUE

polymathUID: 179557

so 慢！:L

plutoplutoUID: 2116389

晕,让你久等了,我吃饭去了
而且家里是靠小猫上网地,原始的很
issue150 G-89-互助社-8.10日同主题作文！非常思路！欢迎评价！


150. "Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete." 由于电视和全球范围内的计算机网络，人们现在可以熟悉很多以前从未涉足过的地方，其结果就是使得旅游变得过时了。 （习作15，2005/08/10） ☆☆☆☆
Syllabus:disagree.
1.TV和internet的Information激起了人们对于景点的兴趣，旅游热情，旅游客流增加。
2.TV和internet的Information实际上是帮助旅游事业发展的促销广告，通过这种宣传将促进旅游产业更好的发展。
3.TV和internet的Information的确让人们熟悉了很多以前从未涉足过的地方，而且满足了一部分人想去但又没有机会旅游的愿望，但是这并不应该成为旅游事业繁荣发展的拦路石。
4.总结：TV和internet的Information 不仅不会阻挡旅游产业的发展，相反会使旅游更加繁荣的发展下去。

Will tourism repidly wane(extinc) as people gradually become familiar with a great many places that they have never vistied by television and worldwide computer connections？The speaker claims so. However, based on personal experience and actual observations of life, I contend that internet and television can only stimulate our interests and cuirosity about tourism rather than appreciate some pictures or sounds on the screen. As a reslut, tourism will gain further progress. 开头蛮好。但是不是限时写的？放在WORD中有点触目惊心，为了让你体会一下以达到激励你提高打字正确率的目的，这些拼写错误我不去碰，放在WORD里一看就知道了。我一直是这样提醒自己的：-D

For one thing, the rolling-information about many great places on TV and internet can spark human’ interests of view-sites; as a result, people’s enthusiasm towards tourism and the number of visiting teams will be greatly increased. Due to historsic reasons for unknown or no introduction, there are many good places that people seldom visit. But as the  mankind have the intinct of curiosity, once we can get detailed information about some interesting places that are merited to go, no matter getting from TV or internet, we will eagerly emerge a desire for paying a visit. For example, when a man grasps some travel guidance on the place where he has dreamed for a long time on the internet,GRASP这个词好象配合网络信息这种虚拟事物不妥吧 provided that it is affordable, he will probably make a plan for a visit. Therefore, in this sense, the television  and internet always ignite person's desire for viewing the attracting places.不错，但语言有些CHINGLISH， 我语言也不行，没法帮你改了。还有，读完这段的感觉是说的蛮有道理，但不能把我说服。你可以试试举个没有信息前和有了信息后对同一个景点有不同想法的例子，或者将你的那个FOR EXAMPLE再具体化些

For another thing, such rolling-information about visiting places on TV and internet are in fact promotional campaigns aiding for tourist trade; as a result, tourism will achiveve further progress. As a high-repayed tremendous industry什么意思？, more and more countries prefer to establish many advertisements on television and internet about their local cultures and scenes in order to draw more tourists to their lands. For instance, as the fourth country with the largest number of outbound tourists, China has worked out its strategic plan for tourism development and the goal is to become the world's leading tourism country. In order to achieve this goal, China not only gears up the development of tourism facilities, but also focus on promotional campaigns carried by key media such as TV and internet. “Beijing, 2008”, “ Welcome to China”, when a person turns on the TV, or just touches on the mouse for the first time, he or she will probably be moved by the slogan and intend to travel to China. SLOGAN就有那么大作用吗？是从各种渠道看到的中国辉煌灿烂的古代文明吧？ Therefore computer connectivity and television might actually boom tourism and there will be more people taking delight in going out for a tour.

Admittedly, people can know more about places through TV and internet and these information do satisfy with someone’ willing of “Tending to go but have no means to go”说的好！学习下.For example, he or she has not enough money for a visit or has no long vocation for travelling. 那这些人本来就不能去旅游啊？这又不是电视和网络的错！Yet this will not be the obstacle on the booming road of the tourism, on the contrary, most people cannot be easily satisfied with the only get information from them.There are two compelling reasons for this: First, this information always imparts limited things of a place, more interesting and appealing contents will be left to the audience to imagine. Thus the so-called familiarity rightly becomes the impetus to urge one’s personal visit. Second, with the improvement of living standard and change of relaxation conception, more and more people prefer going out to experience the unknown world and unfamiliar culture, such as arcane nature phenomena and exotic atmosphere这一点似乎不贴切. In short, the aim we seeking for touring is to feel and enjoy the real scenery actually.

In conclusion, tourism can not be impeded by the prevalence of television and worldwide network. Rather, the prevalence does a favor to make people more acquainted with new places they want to go and thus tourism, as a result, will continue to thrive inevitably.(625)
楼主的说理能力好强啊，全篇有好多地方就是很理论的东西，居然还能有词语和句式的变化。我要好好学习。但如果不举出具体的例子，似乎还是单薄了些。比如我看到过有人举卢浮宫的例子来说图片和实地不同，还有风土人情是需要具体体会的。所以如果POLY能把文章的论点具体化一些会更有立体感的。还有有些地方逻辑上不是很站的住脚，要小心，万一碰上个BT的ETS评分员…………..

polymathUID: 179557

谢谢plutopluto！呵呵！不好意思！看你占位了半天没动劲，想着是不是学习去了！:D
你提的意见很好啊！写的感觉具体的例子不是很多！:L加上偶又擅长分析和议论，就大部分以理服人吧！:lol

GRASP这个词好象配合网络信息这种虚拟事物不妥吧

呵呵！当时就想写的生动形象些，不过偶刚翻了词典，grasp可以来修饰抽象的名词。比如：grasp the main points of the speech.这个地方应该也可以用吧！

As a high-repayed tremendous industry什么意思？

这个短语的意思是：作为一项高回报（收益）的巨大产业，

SLOGAN就有那么大作用吗？是从各种渠道看到的中国辉煌灿烂的古代文明吧？

呵呵！这里只是用个比方说明媒体的作用，口号还是从屏幕中看到的嘛！所以说电视和网络的宣传作用对旅游业的发展是很有帮助的。

那这些人本来就不能去旅游啊？这又不是电视和网络的错！

你没看懂我的topic sentence的意思。电视和网络能够满足这些人的愿望，所以他们就有理由不去了，这实际上也造成了旅游业发展的损失 啊！因为有些人还是可以抽出时间来旅游吧！他们只是借口忙和没钱啊！实在说不通就删掉算了！本来写的时候也没想加啊！

如我看到过有人举卢浮宫的例子来说图片和实地不同，还有风土人情是需要具体体会的。所以如果POLY能把文章的论点具体化一些会更有立体感的。还有有些地方逻辑上不是很站的住脚，要小心，万一碰上个BT的ETS评分员…………..

能不能把你看的文章的连接给我发一下！偶学习一下！:)找些具体的例子完善些！你说的BT的ETS评分员怎么个评分法？不要吓我！:(

再次表示感谢！
:)

plutoplutoUID: 2116389

那个卢浮宫我也记不得在哪里看的,也可能是谁在GTER上发的提纲
我现在觉得不是ETSBT
是我看ARGU看多了有点BT了

frankskyUID: 187253

楼主的结构层次分明，句式运用之多样化也值得学习
在这里班门弄斧一下吧，
如果我写这篇的话，我会把让步的第三部分放到第一段
然后排列下来，
then conclude that tv vs internet will promote the develoment of tourism
感觉这样力量更强一些吧
just for referrence

jessietreeUID: 209464

楼主很强了~
建议在多写出一点层次
我觉得第一点和第二点关系比较相类似，有一点拉不开的感觉 能不能在一开始先说说履行核看电视有什么不同呢？比如感官上的？心灵上的？
也可以从心理学角度讨论一下人为什么需要旅行
让步段可能放到开头更合适
毕竟你的思路是逐渐深化的，survive to thrive,对吧
  一点点意见，楼主加油哦，很佩服你的语言~