Argument117 拍吧

mikechsUID: 2121753

OUTLINE
1．        调查回应者问题
2．        销量问题的原因很多,反论措施
3．        差异范围，是否全部商店都应实行

This argument taken by the manager of Valu-Mart (VM) recommends that we should increase the home offices machines and office supplies at all VM stores. To justify the recommend, evidence of a survey to the citizens about the amount of work in their home is given following some relevant assumes. However, many flaws in the process show that not enough justification has been given and the manager cannot approve his claim.

  First of all, the survey which author given to us seems to be doubtable. The fact that the data is based on the respondents of the survey weakened its credibility. Perhaps these respondents were eager to improve or at least reveal their working conditions through this survey. Or perhaps these respondents want to appeal their boss to get a improving. Without eliminate all these possibilities can hardly the manager justify the representative of the respondents.

  Second, when the reason of taking all these endeavors is providing, the manager point out that VM has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply department but fail to give any efficient causes. But the reasons may be more than this: first, the advertising of VM perhaps shows little effect on improving the sales; second, the quality of VM may not satisfies the consumers than other market, especially on the home office machines department. This disadvantage may cause the failure of sales when we admit the survey make sense that the requirement of this kind of machine indeed enlarged, and may become a vital error if we increasing the stock of those machines in stores.

  Third, the manager fail to trust me that all of our stores need to increase the stock on all the purchases he/she mentioned. There will be some difference situation in different district; at least, we need not to do this in the blocks where senior people lived. Further, what make things even worse, to increase the stock may have some bad results to the company. Since these purchases needs fee to stock, the cost of the stores may become a big obstacle to increase the profit.

  To summarize, the manager fail to illustrate the statement efficiently from the aspect above. There are more efforts shall been done to complete survey and a critical thinking about the explanation to this survey shall is needed. More shall be done to investigate the reason of sales of our stores. Besides, further factors need to be given to illustrate every store’s circumstance in order to apply this plan. Before all these achievements have been made, we cannot follow the recommendation to increase the stock.

mikechsUID: 2121753

mikechsUID: 2121753

117The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
Argument117 拍吧

OUTLINE
1．        调查回应者问题
2．        销量问题的原因很多,反论措施
3．        差异范围，是否全部商店都应实行

This argument taken by the manager of Valu-Mart (VM) recommends that we should increase the home offices machines and office supplies at all VM stores. To justify the recommend, evidence of a survey to the citizens about the amount of work in their home is given following some relevant assumes. However, many flaws in the process show that not enough justification has been given and the manager cannot approve his claim.

  First of all, the survey which author given to us seems to be doubtable. The fact that the data is based on the respondents of the survey weakened its credibility. Perhaps these respondents were eager to improve or at least reveal their working conditions through this survey. Or perhaps these respondents want to appeal their boss to get a improving. Without eliminate all these possibilities can hardly the manager justify the representative of the respondents.

  Second, when the reason of taking all these endeavors is providing, the manager point out that VM has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply department but fail to give any efficient causes. But the reasons may be more than this: first, the advertising of VM perhaps shows little effect on improving the sales; second, the quality of VM may not satisfies the consumers than other market, especially on the home office machines department. This disadvantage may cause the failure of sales when we admit the survey make sense that the requirement of this kind of machine indeed enlarged, and may become a vital error if we increasing the stock of those machines in stores.

  Third, the manager fail to trust me that all of our stores need to increase the stock on all the purchases he/she mentioned. There will be some difference situation in different district; at least, we need not to do this in the blocks where senior people lived. Further, what make things even worse, to increase the stock may have some bad results to the company. Since these purchases needs fee to stock, the cost of the stores may become a big obstacle to increase the profit.

  To summarize, the manager fail to illustrate the statement efficiently from the aspect above. There are more efforts shall been done to complete survey and a critical thinking about the explanation to this survey shall is needed. More shall be done to investigate the reason of sales of our stores. Besides, further factors need to be given to illustrate every store’s circumstance in order to apply this plan. Before all these achievements have been made, we cannot follow the recommendation to increase the stock.

AlexandraUID: 185174

占个座

echostateUID: 194935

现在就给你拍。最近突然n多人找我拍作文。实在快死了。突然发现最早联系的几个人被我忽略了，罪过。

echostateUID: 194935

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
Argument117 拍吧

OUTLINE
1．        调查回应者问题
2．        销量问题的原因很多,反论措施
3．        差异范围，是否全部商店都应实行

This argument taken by the manager of Valu-Mart (VM) recommends [我觉得，argument recommend可能不妥。我前几天找一个老外给我改论文，其中我写到“These results show that……”,他给我改成了，“It can be observed from these results that….”，嗯，不知道能不能这么类推。] that we should increase the home offices machines and office supplies at all VM stores. To justify the recommend, evidence of a survey to the citizens about the amount of work in their home is given following some relevant assumes. However, many flaws in the process show that not enough justification has been given and the manager cannot approve his claim. [建议改成further examination shows….比较好，我觉得flaw shows ….应该是说反了：“它错了说明它犯了……的错误”，是因果倒置。应该是“它犯了什么错误，所以显然它错了：P”]

  First of all, the survey which author given to us seems to be doubtable[这句话，倒是没毛病，不过鉴于survey质疑很常用，所以建议找句好点的。这句一看就是你自己写出来的：p]. The fact that the data is based on the respondents of the survey weakened its credibility [你的意思是说，如果这些回应者都是自己跑过来回应的，那这本身就意味着：他们都对工作时间爱女不满。此时，应该用这个词“self report”。而不是“based on respondents”。Respondent是回答者没错，但是可能不包含，自己主动的意思。你去问一个人，让他做答卷，他也是respondent。]. Perhaps these respondents were eager to improve or at least reveal their working conditions through this survey. Or perhaps these respondents want to appeal their boss to get [这个词，不好，换] a improving. Without eliminate [eliminateing] all these possibilities can hardly the manager justify the representative of the respondents [你既然结尾扣住了代表性，为什么开头不点一下呢？逻辑上不能有跳跃，老外很笨。你应该这样吧：这个survey不可信------因为它的样例可能没有代表性-----因为它可能是基于self report-----如果是这样的话，那么……..-----所以，没有排除这个可能性，样例就没有代表性--------调查就不可信]
[发现了吧，结构很对称，这就是所谓的老外的白痴逻辑。西方的交响乐，比如巴赫的，作品，很多都是这么对称的，惊人的很，老外逻辑很严谨。].

  Second, when the reason of taking all these endeavors is providing [这是一句什么话啊，呵呵，虽然我懂你的意思吧。但是估计老外不懂啊~~~再怎么说，常见的几种逻辑错误的开头，你怎么着也得弄个模版吧。], the manager point out that VM has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply department but fail to give any efficient causes.[这里可以说：without any solid evidence, the author assumes that 销售不好是因为对***和***的供货不足] But the reasons may be more than this [你这个this指什么？去前面那句找一找，你就会发现，你没有提供这个信息。这里的this，应该是指“作者说的那个原因”，可是你没有指出那个原因到底是什么。]: first, the advertising of VM perhaps shows little effect on improving the sales; second, the quality of VM may not satisfies the consumers than other market, especially on the home office machines department. This disadvantage may cause the failure of sales when we admit the survey make sense that the requirement of this kind of machine indeed enlarged [when后面这句很不好，又难懂由没有意义。写之前要想想，这句话是干吗用的。], and may become a vital error if we increasing the stock of those machines in stores.

  Third, the manager fail to trust me that all of our stores need to increase the stock on all the purchases he/she mentioned. There will be some difference situation in different district; at least, we need not to do this in the blocks where senior people lived. Further, what make things even worse[确定这么写没问题吗？我觉得这是明显的中国话直译过去的！], to increase the stock may have some bad results to the company. Since these purchases needs fee to stock, the cost of the stores may become a big obstacle to increase the profit. [加一句总结]

  To summarize, the manager fail to illustrate the statement efficiently from the aspect [discussed] above. There are more efforts shall been done to complete survey and a critical thinking about the explanation to this survey shall is needed [这句话，太随意了，几乎所有的范文在结尾段都会有一句类似作用的话，你挑一个用吧。]. More shall [shall了很久了，呵呵，要换个词。Should，had better 等等。或者换个角度，I suggest that …..不也是一样的意思] be done to investigate the reason of sales of our stores. Besides, further factors need to be given to illustrate every store’s circumstance in order to apply this plan. Before all these achievements [成就？] have been made, we cannot follow the recommendation to increase the stock [to increase the stock是表目的的句式，用在这里欠妥当]。