argument20 决战830拍砖组tm作业

yxepochUID: 2124411

20.The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Balmer Island Gazette.

"The population of Balmer Island increases to 100,000 duing the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds(机器脚踏车) and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by each of the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies from 50 per day to 30 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council is sure to attain the 50 percent reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year in the neighboring island of Torseau, when Torseau's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals."


In this argument, the author suggested that Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by those rental companies to some extent during the summer season. To substantiate the conclusion, the author cited the example of the neighboring island of Torseau, pointed out that the town had successfully attain the reduction of accidents by limiting on the moped rentals. Although it seems reasonable, I still find out some logical fallacies shown as follows.

First of all, it is presumptuous for the author to say that limit the number of mopeds rented by those six rental companies would suffice the result of reducing the number of accidents. It is highly possible that not those rented mopeds but private ones owned by local citizens causes the accidents. Being ignorant of the traffic rules, it is totally easy to arouse traffic accidents. Without the evidence that accidents are directly related to rented mopeds, the author’s conclusion cannot be affirmed.

Secondly, even if Torseau has taken action to enforce the limits on moped rentals, it is not necessarily to be the chief reason that determines the reduction of accidents. Maybe Torseau has executed other measures like strengthen the refinement and traffic policy, or ask people riding mopeds for more taxation to better control the problem. Without ruling out other possibilities that contribute to the reduction of Torseau’s accidents, the author’s assertion that Balmer Island should take the similar measures to reduce accidents is unconvincing.

Last but no least, those two islands are two different places with different environment, different policies and different situations that make them not indeed comparable. Given that it is the limiting on moped rentals that mainly reduces the accidents in Torseau, which may not work as well in Balmer. Totally possible, there are no other transportation machines are convenient and cheap as mopeds in Balmer, so that people won’t easily compromise to the government’s limitation. Furthermore, it will also arouse other incredible troubles if the government wants to take those measures strongly.

In summary, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make it more convincing, the author should provide the detailed information about Balmer and Torseau, including some like traffic policies, citizens’ responses, and the real conditions of these two places. (374)

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-14 at 23:21 ]

林森森UID: 163922

谢谢你帮我改  还没来得及看 先帮你改了再说
占个位子

melodyli9361UID: 2121345

"The population of Balmer Island increases to 100,000 duing the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds(机器脚踏车) and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by each of the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies from 50 per day to 30 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council is sure to attain the 50 percent reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year in the neighboring island of Torseau, when Torseau's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals."


In this argument, the author suggested 我看见的文章引用部分一般用一般现在时that Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by those rental companies to some extent during the summer season. To substantiate the conclusion, the author cited the example of the neighboring island of Torseau, pointed out that the town had successfully attained the reduction of accidents by limiting on the moped rentals. Although it seems reasonable, I still find out some logical fallacies shown as follows.

First of all, it is presumptuous for the author to say that limit the number of mopeds rented by those six rental companies would suffice the result of reducing the number of accidents. It is highly possible that not those rented mopeds but private ones owned by local citizens causes the accidents. Being ignorant of the traffic rules, it is totally easy to arouse traffic accidents. Without the evidence that accidents are directly related to rented mopeds, the author’s conclusion cannot be affirmed.

Secondly, even if Torseau has taken action to enforce the limits on moped rentals, it is not necessarily to be the chief reason that determines the reduction of accidents. Maybe Torseau has executed other measures like strengthen the refinement and traffic policy, or ask people riding mopeds for more taxation to better control the problem. Without ruling out other possibilities that contribute to the reduction of Torseau’s accidents, the author’s assertion that Balmer Island should take the similar measures to reduce accidents is unconvincing.

Last but no least, those two islands are two different places with different environment, different policies and different situations that make them not indeed comparable. Given that it is the limiting on moped rentals that mainly reduces the accidents in Torseau, which may not work as well in Balmer. Totally possible, there are no other transportation machines are convenient and cheap as mopeds in Balmer, so that people won’t easily compromise to the government’s limitation. Furthermore, it will also arouse other incredible troubles if the government wants to take those measures strongly.
我感觉你这两段主要说明两个问题1。B和T两地情况不同不可比；2.采取限制可能不会有好的效果，甚至有不良影响。但是，我感觉你把两个问题混起来说了，建议分开成明确的两段
In summary, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make it more convincing, the author should provide the detailed information about Balmer and Torseau, including some like traffic policies, citizens’ responses, and the real conditions of these two places. (374)
整体感觉还行吧

melodyli9361UID: 2121345

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

林森森UID: 163922

20.The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Balmer Island Gazette.

"The population of Balmer Island increases to 100,000 duing the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds(机器脚踏车) and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by each of the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies from 50 per day to 30 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council is sure to attain the 50 percent reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year in the neighboring island of Torseau, when Torseau's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals."


In this argument, the author suggested that Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by those rental companies to some extent during the summer season. To substantiate the conclusion, the author cited the example of the neighboring island of Torseau, pointed out that the town had successfully attain the reduction of accidents by limiting on the moped rentals. Although it seems reasonable, I still find out some logical fallacies shown as follows.

First of all, it is presumptuous for the author to say that limit the number of mopeds rented by those six rental companies would suffice the result of reducing the number of accidents. It is highly possible that not those rented mopeds but private ones owned by local citizens causes the accidents. Being ignorant of the traffic rules, (主谓不一致)it is totally easy to arouse traffic accidents. Without the evidence that accidents are directly related to rented mopeds, the author’s conclusion cannot be affirmed.(觉得展的不够开哦)

Secondly, even if Torseau has taken action to enforce the limits on moped rentals, it is not necessarily //to be 删//the chief reason that determines the reduction of accidents. Maybe Torseau has executed other measures like strengthen the refinement and traffic policy, or ask people riding //to ride// mopeds for more taxation to better control the problem. Without ruling out other possibilities that contribute to the reduction of Torseau’s accidents, the author’s assertion that Balmer Island should take the similar measures to reduce accidents is unconvincing.

Last but no least, those two islands are two different places //with of//different environment, different policies and different situations that make them //not indeed actually not //comparable. Given that it is the limiting on moped rentals that mainly reduces the accidents in Torseau, which may not work as well in Balmer. Totally possible, there are no other transportation machines are convenient and cheap as mopeds in Balmer, so that people won’t easily compromise to the government’s limitation. Furthermore, it will also arouse other incredible troubles if the government wants to take those measures strongly. // this paragraph is quite solid.Nice!//

In summary, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make it more convincing, the author should provide the detailed information about Balmer and Torseau, including some like traffic policies, citizens’ responses, and the real conditions of these two places. (374)// 个人觉得第2,3段可以再展开一些,这样字数还可以在增加一点. 至于文中的个别语言不是很通建议你模仿一下摸版中的精彩句子,就这些吧,刚才有人聊天所以慢了,不好意思啊!!在电脑前坐了一整天了,崩溃啊

caogenmanchiUID: 2127136

In this argument, the author suggested that Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by those rental companies to some extent during the summer season. To substantiate the conclusion, the author cited the example of the neighboring island of Torseau, pointed out that the town had successfully attain the reduction of accidents by limiting on the moped rentals. Although it seems reasonable, I still find out some logical fallacies shown as follows.（改写得不错，fluently and clearly ）
First of all, it is presumptuous for the author to say that limit the number of mopeds rented by those six rental companies would suffice the result of reducing(直接用Reduction会不会更简洁？) the number of accidents. It is highly possible that not those rented mopeds but private ones owned by local citizens causes the accidents（个人意见：这种情况在老美那里可能a little possible，建议了解一下实际情况，如果我的印象属实，中国人认为这个理由不错，但老美可能相反）. Being ignorant of the traffic rules, it is totally easy to arouse traffic accidents. Without the evidence that accidents are directly related to rented mopeds, the author’s conclusion cannot be affirmed.

Secondly, even if Torseau has taken action to enforce the limits on moped rentals, it is not necessarily to be the chief reason that determines the reduction of accidents（感觉不通啊）. Maybe Torseau has executed other measures like strengthen the refinement and traffic policy, or ask people riding mopeds for more taxation to better control the problem. Without ruling out other possibilities that contribute to the reduction of Torseau’s accidents, the author’s assertion that Balmer Island should take the similar measures to reduce accidents is unconvincing.

Last but no least, those two islands are two different places with different environment, different policies and different situations that make them not indeed comparable. Given that it is the limiting on moped rentals that mainly reduces the accidents in Torseau, which may not work as well in Balmer. Totally possible, there are no other transportation machines are convenient and cheap as mopeds in Balmer, so that people won’t easily compromise to the government’s limitation. Furthermore, it will also arouse other incredible troubles if the government wants to take those measures strongly. （丛这两段来看，你的思路是比较开阔的，但有待于更清晰的表达）

In summary, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make it more convincing, the author should provide the detailed information about Balmer and Torseau, including some like traffic policies, citizens’ responses, and the real conditions of these two places. (374)

整体还是不错的，加油哦

我的ARGUMENT 20

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=319503

yxepochUID: 2124411

谢谢各位指导!鞠一躬!