Issue208 0510G同主题 我的第一篇Issue 有拍必回 回拍请留链接

violayuanUID: 2125310

Issue208  Can people’s behavior and appearance reveal society’s ideas and values?
Outlines:
1, Look, Dress and Act (Behavior and Appearance) to some extent, sometimes reflect Ideas and Values 女权主义
2, Behavior and Appearance sometimes don’t reflect Attitude and Interest: e.g.: 职业装，职业行为，医生，军人
3, people’s Behavior and Appearance vary under different circumstances, therefore can’t indicate certain social ideas and values. (有点搞笑的例子)
4，即使Behavior and Appearance能反映people’s Attitude and Interest,
   也无法反映整个social的Ideas and Values：e.g.: 犯罪时有发生但被法律禁止。
5，还有其他更重要的因素影响Social Ideas and Values: 如law, culture, religion等等。

正文：
    This statement actually consist of two claims: (1) the way people look, dress and act reveals their attitudes and interests, and that (2) a society’s ideas and values can be told by observing the appearance and behavior of its people. I tend to concede that outward aspect and conduct of people reflect the opinion and principle of a society as a whole, however, sometimes appearance and manner conceals the true preference and position of people rather than shed light on it.
    To some extent, the way people dress and act does manifest the principle of their society, especially under certain circumstances. One good example is Channel’s design of trousers for women, which broke the taboo in a male power-oriented society and lead the movement of female rights in the fashion-field. Not long afterwards, there are a growing number of women who pick up smoking as an equation to men’s former privilege.
    On the other hand, the style people dress in or the manner they take do not necessarily indicate their viewpoint or concern from the bottom of their hearts, but rather for other practical purposes, such as representing their particular identity of career and so on. It is known to all that soldiers are, for example, required to wear uniforms in order to be administered properly in spite of their personal interest, for their only task is to obey. Doctors and nurses put on white clothes to give their patients a clean and professional impression in accordance with their client medical treatment. Businessmen usually wear a collar and tie to go to work in order to show their capability and determination during a negotiation. Most of the time, professional clothes are forced to be put on rather than by willfulness as well as professional skills are carried out, let alone indicate people’s interest and attitude.
    In addition, even same people’s behavior and appearance may vary enormously under various situations. Ridiculous as it may be, a president will not appear in jeans following with a dog at a government press conference, yet this might be no more ordinary when jogging along the street in the morning. Conversely, it would be crazy for a formally dressed man to make an announcement about National Security Project to a dog.
Granted that people’s appearance and behavior reflect their certain attitude and interest, it is not justifiable to assert that they represent the society’s ideas and values on account that it depends on each case. Gambling and robbery occur every day, but it was against the law.
    Finally, a society’s values are mirrored more importantly by its culture, customs, religious belief, laws and mass media and therefore could not simply defined by its peoples behavior and appearance: Catholics were not allowed to marry another women or divorce while it was no surprise for an Islamic man to have four wives; execution is still in use in China while it was abolished for years in many other countries, etc.
    In sum, without prior concerns about particular cultural elements, certain historical circumstances and religious and political factor, we cannot reach to the essence of a society’s value and ideas simply by observing the look, dress and act of its people.
523words

9.16上海

[ Last edited by violayuan on 2005-8-19 at 06:56 ]

daikeshigreUID: 200759

This statement actually consists of two claims: (1) the way people look, dress and act reveals their attitudes and interests, and that (2) a society’s ideas and values can be told by observing the appearance and behavior of its people. I tend to concede that outward aspect and conduct of people reflect the opinion and principle of a society as a whole, however, sometimes appearance and manner conceals the true preference and position of people rather than shed light on it.
    To some extent, the way people dress and act does manifest the principle of their society, especially under certain circumstances. One good example is Channel’s design of trousers for women, which broke the taboo in a male power-oriented male-dominant society and lead the movement of female rights in the fashion-field. Not long afterwards, there are a growing number of women who pick up smoking as an equation to men’s former privilege. equation 不是太合理,我才疏学浅,试着改改, as a challenge to men’s privilege 如何? 感觉说完例子后是不是还要在总结一下，回到topic sentence
    On the other hand, the style people dress in or the manner they take do not necessarily indicate their viewpoint or concern from the bottom of their hearts, but rather for other practical purposes, such as representing their particular identity of career and so on. It is known to all that soldiers are, for example, required to wear uniforms in order to be administered properly有效管理？efficiently in spite of their personal interest, for their only task is to obey. Doctors and nurses put on white clothes coveralls to give their patients a clean and professional impression in accordance with their client medical treatment看不太懂,是根据病人治疗吗?their有些指代不清,client可能不是太合理. Businessmen usually wear a collar and tie to go to work in order to show their capability and determination during a negotiation. Most of the time, professional clothes are forced to be put on rather than by willfulness as well as professional skills expertise are carried out, let alone indicate people’s interest and attitude.
    In addition, even same people’s behavior and appearance may vary enormously under various situations. Ridiculous as it may be, a president will not appear in jeans following with a dog at a government press conference,呵呵,will not还是will? will not的话就不ridiculous了 yet this might be no more ordinary when jogging along the street in the morning. Conversely, it would be crazy for a formally dressed man a man formally dressed to make an announcement about National Security Project to a dog.
Granted that people’s appearance and behavior reflect their certain attitude and interest, it is not justifiable to assert that they represent the society’s ideas and values on account that on account that?没见这种用法=because? it depends on each case. Gambling and robbery occur every day, but it was against the law.没有有什么承接，突然冒出这么一句有点突兀，呵呵
    Finally, a society’s values are mirrored more importantly by its culture, customs, religious belief, laws and mass media and therefore could not simply defined by its peoples behavior and appearance: Catholics (Catholic man) were not allowed to marry another women woman .一次只能娶一个吧，呵呵or divorce while it was no surprise for an Islamic man to have four wives; execution is still in use in China while it was abolished for years in many other countries, etc..只讲了不同的文化、法律，要是能把所表示的不同文化点一下就圣了，另外，这整一段都在一个句子中太犇了吧，呵呵
    In sum, without prior concerns about particular cultural elements, certain historical circumstances and religious and political factor, we cannot reach to the essence of a society’s value and ideas simply by observing the look, dress, and act of its people.

写得不错，赞一个！
例子挺好的，就是注意一下例子与论点之间的衔接，要不然读起来有些突兀，呵呵，一点点菜鸟不成熟之建议

[ Last edited by daikeshigre on 2005-8-19 at 21:06 ]

violayuanUID: 2125310

This statement actually consists of two claims: (1) the way people look, dress and act reveals their attitudes and interests, and that (2) a society’s ideas and values can be told by observing the appearance and behavior of its people. I tend to concede that outward aspect and conduct of people reflect the opinion and principle of a society as a whole, however, sometimes appearance and manner conceals the true preference and position of people rather than shed light on it.
    To some extent, the way people dress and act does manifest the principle of their society, especially under certain circumstances. One good example is Channel’s design of trousers for women, which broke the taboo in a male power-oriented male-dominant society and lead the movement of female rights in the fashion-field. Not long afterwards, there are a growing number of women who pick up smoking as a challenge to men’s former privilege.
   

感觉说完例子后是不是还要在总结一下，回到topic sentence
(我把段落顺序调整了一下，这样正好承接上段结尾，回到主题；而且逻辑上也更合理，变成+，-，-，-）

Granted that people’s appearance and behavior reflect their certain attitude and interest under certaim circumstances, it is not justifiable to assert that they can represent the society’s ideas and values as a whole in respect that it depends on each case. One good illustration is that  robbery occurs every day, but is due to be punished by  law since it is against the public's will.
     On the other hand, the style people dress in or the manner they take do not necessarily indicate their viewpoint or concern from the bottom of their hearts, but rather for other practical purposes, such as representing their particular identity of career and so on. It is known to all that soldiers are, for example, required to wear uniforms in order to be administered efficiently in spite of their personal interest, for their only task is to obey. Doctors and nurses put on white clothes to give their patients a clean and professional impression in accordance with their aseptic medical treatment. Businessmen usually wear a collar and tie to go to work in order to show their capability and determination during a negotiation. Most of the time, professional clothes are forced to be put on rather than by willfulness as well as expertise are carried out, let alone indicate people’s interest and attitude.
      In addition, even the very same people’s behavior and appearance may vary enormously under various situations. It is so out of place that we never have a chance to witness a president appearing in jeans, meanwhile following with a dog at a government press conference; yet this might be no more commonplace when he is jogging along the street in the morning. Conversely, it would be crazy for a man formally dressed to make an announcement about National Security Project to a dog.
      Finally, a society’s values are mirrored more importantly by its culture, customs, religious belief, laws and mass media and therefore could not simply defined by its peoples behavior and appearance: a Catholic man is not allowed to marry another  woman or divorce while it was no surprise for an Islamic man to have four wives; execution is still in use in China while it was abolished for years in many other countries, etc. By no means can we truly understand these abrupt differences between each social value except probing into each society in every aspect, especially the masterpiece of its art and literature which consist the very essence of its culture rather than observing people's behavior and appearance only.   Moreover, the most direct way to perceive the meteyard of a society is through its mass media while the most efficient way to grasp the essence of its value is by appreciating its masterpiece of art and literature.  

另外，这整一段都在一个句子中太犇了吧，呵呵(:confused:这样说到底是好还是不好？？）

  
    In sum, without prior concerns about particular cultural elements, certain historical circumstances and religious and political factor, we cannot reach to the essence of a society’s value and ideas simply by observing the look, dress, and act of its people.

[ Last edited by violayuan on 2005-8-20 at 01:21 ]

daikeshigreUID: 200759

不错, 现在是看不出来什么错了,very good!
另外,一个句子尽量不要太长, 在word中出现这样的长句,他会建议你修改的.......