[同主题写作] 0510G同主题写作第二十一期－－argument117 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-9-1 23:47:52 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

【题目】
107 The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

【翻译】
最近一次调查超过70％的回应者报告说他们被要求回家完成的工作量比以前多。由于Valu-Mart在过去并没有发现办公用品部销量的显著上升，我们应该利用这种在家办公的趋势，在所有Valu-Mart商店增加家庭办公机器比如打印机、小型复印机、碎纸机和传真机的存货。我们也将增加办公用品比如纸笔和钉书机的存货。通过这些变革，我们办公用品部将会成为我们商店中盈利最多的部门。

【出现频率】
总计频率：25
各月频率：3月：3，4月：2，7月：5，8月：15

【找关键词，梳理逻辑层次】
"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

【题目拆析】
论点：With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.

论据：
1。Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past.
2。Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers.

【攻击分析】
论据1
A.首先有一个survey，那么就条件反射式的要问：1）这项survey是谁做的？2）如何做的？3）数据如何处理的？4）权威性和可信度如何？这里的arguer没有提及
B. survey的feedback到底有多少？如果调查问卷有10000份，但是如果只有3份feedback呢？这里arguer没有提及
C.作出feedback的答卷人的职业分布没有说明。他们是否能代表绝大多数的行业和职业？如果他们仅仅来自某些特殊行业，那么他们的这些变化放到整个社会是很微小的、很难说明什么问题。

论据2
A.首先，arguer说” we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers”.他的这个结论是基于假设论据1中所提到的“越来越多的人们开始在家办公，需要很多办公用品”，但是这个假设还未被证实。
B.即使假设1被证实，那么所需要的办公用品的市场规模到底有多大？市场饱和程度如何呢？

结论
A.结论说“With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.”但是，办公用品是否有利润？利润是否最大化？这些arguer都没有给出足够证明。

【写作提示】
现在的大家的一大问题就是不知道如何利用论坛里面的资源。其实有很多好东东大家也许都不清楚。这个链接是“每日一评”https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... =type&typeid=35大家可以看看真正的高手好文到底好在哪里，里面都是些很经典的题目，都很适合练手，这些工作谁也代替不了你，做为版主我也只能告诉你：好好研究精华区里的文章，对于后期的提高是很快的。

【跟帖说明】

需要大家注意的是:请不要在这里贴自己的习作,请将习作发表在坛子里面,然后将链接贴进来.除了习作链接之外,更欢迎大家把对于题目的想法拿出来讨论,让大家分享你的独特见地。

与此同时，建议大家可以直接到这里把G友们的链接打开，进行互改，毕竟自己才写完，对题目的思考也很完整了，这个时候再互改几篇，提高程度和效率都是是最大的

谢谢

【至诚祝福】

希望大家能取得心仪的成绩，因为GOD永远都在注视着你我！――by Orange&Blue

[ Last edited by Orange&Blue on 2005-9-2 at 13:15 ]