作文互改组：西瓜和尘埃的作文！【十三组】

sldxc3010UID: 204034

虽然我们的组号不是很好，但是我们要把它变成我们的幸运数字！！！

第一期
西瓜修改后的文章：


145.Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


Ever since the first advertisement,slogans out of shops,showed up hundreds of years ago,advertising has become more and more flourished.Some people hold the opinion that advertisements notify us about new products ,whereas others view them detrimental objects to consumers,encouraging us to buy things we really do not need.In my point of view,the latter opinion is more reasonable.
In the first place ,exaggeration is one of the most important features of advertisements.The persuasive expressions are so convincing that custormers can scarcely resist the temptation to buy the product.But once it is used in daily life ,we can immediately figure out that it is not so magic and marvelous as what advertisements brag.（此处we和customers有点不顺，我觉得都用customer更好）For instance,young ladies always resort to certain kinds of shampoo to improve their hair quality,just as stars in advertisements,but turn out to be disappointed.（which turns out to...会不会更好？）第一段说夸张，举的例子还可以展开说，因为例子不足以说明广告如何使用夸张的语言使消费者上当的，只陈述说 买回去没用还不够，我认为重点应是广告本身是如何夸张的。至于买回去的没用的问题，你在接下来的段落中说了好多次了。此处就不用说了，不然重复了，看着不爽。
In the second place,discount in an advertisement is an aid （帮助？？？是不是stimulin)to drive customers crazy and zealous at products.When walking in the downtown , we are attracted by advertisements about cutting price and rush into to select cheap merchandises.Unfortunately,what we buy in these circumstances,to a large extent ,are either out-of-date or useless.Therefore they are  taken home and put deep in the cabinet.
你看，最后这句话不也是说买回去没用吗？还是少用第一人称比较好。折扣使顾客疯狂，而实际上，货品经常是过时和不用的。可是，应该说商家利用折扣使消费者买不需要的东西，虽然看起来差不多，但是逻辑上是不同的。
In the third place,advertising makes use of celebrities to expand sales.Charming stars in an advertisement draw our attention tremendously ,so that the merchandises give us deep impression and we are liable to buy them,which are sometimes useless.
第三次重复了，ets不会买帐的。
还有，还可以展开写，说商家利用名人效应使消费者相信如果他们买个这个商品就会和广告中的明星一样，可是实际上并不是如次。
这段只是阐述一件事情并不是在证明商家利用名人效用使顾客买东西，我理解你要说得话可是ets不理解啊，咱们作阅读多了，会发现ets很白痴的，所有的东西都要放在桌面上他们才能看到。所以，咱们也要白一下，来说说明白是不是？
In conclusion,advertising persuades  people to buy what they do not really need through exaggeration,discount and celebrities.Only by keeping calm in front of various advertisements can we make sensible dicisions and get what is really valuable to us.

292words,60m

sldxc3010UID: 204034

尘埃被被西瓜改后的作文：


The flourish of the mass medium does(delete) not only provide great convenience for our daily life, but also gives birth to  a new creation, advertisement, which could been noticed from every aspects of our life, including TV, newspapers, journals, and Internet. (delete) Such case leads to distinct attitudes towards advertisement, some considering advertisement a means of the companies to persuade customers to buy goods that actually they do not need, while others argue that it is advertising that makes us accessible to the novel and fashionable things that enhance our life's quality. In my opinion, the advantages of advertising overweight its disadvantages.

Nowadays, the surge of new information, to a large extent, widens our scope of knowledge. It could not be denied that advertising is a significant source for people to acquire the wondered information. Take medicine for instance. The patient's family usually turn up every stones(什么意思？没见过，是不是竭尽全力) to find proper medicine for their loved member, and from the medicine advertisement they could know the latest medicine for the certain illness, and thus offer the patient the most efficient treatment. More important, the advertisement usually offer their intricate methods to relate them which makes the flow of information more quick and easy.

However, I have to admit that there are some companies that use advertisement to aggrandize their product s 'effect or quality by unreal message, or attract customers' attention by cutting price, which makes many customers buy some goods they do not intend to buy. What I must mention is that advertising is only a means of company's to let public know their products and thus improve companies' sales volume and credit. So there may be some exaggerated rhetoric in it. But it is the customers who make the final decision whether to buy the goods.

In conclusion, while I admit that some advertisement might concludes some unreal, or even deceitful communication, the public should have the ability to keep calm and choose the products that they really need, which makes the advertisement serve our lives rather than harm it.

sldxc3010UID: 204034

The social development gives birth to the advertisement, which leads to distinct6 attitude towards it. Some consider advertisement as the companies' means to persuade customers to buy their products, regardless of their real need. However, others argue that advertising enhance our life quality by informing us novel and fashionable products. According to my own knowledge and experience, as a common consumer I an inclined to the latter viewpoint.

Firstly, I have to claim that advertisements are the signal of the improvement in our daily life. Not until there are abundant food and housewares, which finally results in the emergence of trade, does the advertisement emerge, because if the social products could not meet its customers' need, the goods would be sold out once they are put on the counters, if they exist, without resorting to the advertisement.

Meanwhile, the emergence of advertising, to a large extent, upgrade the customers' life, further. Above all, customers could acquire their wondered information from advertisements. With the specific information offered by the advertisement, such as the main characteristics, suitable groups, and, which is the most important, the methods to get the product, customers could make their best choice. But if there is no advertisement, the poor realm of choice could hardly satisfy the public. Medicine advertisement, for instance, usually involves what kind of illness this medicine could cure effectively, the superiority and side effect of this medicine, and the address of the pharmacy or the phone number, which enable the patients to get the most effective and immediate treatment.

Further more, the lower price through competition through advertisement also serves to enhance people's life. When the company in a certain realm get to know what level their opponent has get,  in order to thrive, even survive, it has to research their own products with higher quality and lower price, that not only improve the customers' life but also raise the whole social technology level.

Admittedly, sometimes customers are so attracted by the exaggerated rhetoric that they end up  confused as to which product they should choose. However, it could not be denied that the right of choice is on the customers' hands. Thus if only we keep our mind calm and insist on our original  goal could we seek out the best suitable product. Taking into account of all these factors, we may naturally reach the conclusion that the advertisement does really raise our daily life level.

                                                                               By 尘埃 12.15.2005
                                                                               Words: 403

watermelon53UID: 2159112

Ever since the first advertisement,slogans out of shops,showed up hundreds of years ago,advertising has become more and more flourished.Some people hold the opinion that advertisements notify us about new products ,whereas others view them detrimental objects to consumers,encouraging us to buy things we really do not need.In my point of view,the latter opinion is more reasonable.
In the first place ,exaggeration is one of the most important features of advertisements.The persuasive expressions are so convincing that custormers can scarcely resist the temptation to buy the product.But once it is used in daily life ,we can immediately figure out that it is not so magic and marvelous as what advertisements brag.For instance,young ladies always resort to certain kinds of shampoo to improve their hair quality,just as stars in advertisements,but turn out to be disappointed.
In the second place,discount in an advertisement is an aid to drive customers crazy and zealous at products.When walking in the downtown , we are attracted by advertisements about cutting price and rush to select cheap merchandises.Unfortunately,what we buy in these circumstances,to a large extent ,are either out-of-date or useless.Therefore they are  taken home and put deep in the cabinet.
In the third place,advertising makes use of celebrities to expand sales.Charming stars in an advertisement draw our attention tremendously ,so that the merchandises give us deep impression and we are liable to buy them,which are sometimes useless.
In conclusion,advertising persuades  people to buy what they do not really need through exaggeration,discount and celebrities.Only by keeping calm in front of various advertisements can we make sensible dicisions and get what is really valuable to us.

292words,60m

olive8310UID: 2164907

good  ```

sldxc3010UID: 204034

楼上的人不地道啊。啥叫good啊。

dodoraUID: 2166514

哈哈

watermelon53UID: 2159112

尘埃帮改文章啊

Psyche_XuUID: 2167815

Ever since the first advertisement,slogans out of shops,showed up hundreds of years ago,advertising has become more and more flourished(用词感觉不是太好).Some people hold the opinion that（很有GRE作文argument的意味哈，西瓜考过GRE？） advertisements notify us about new products ,whereas others view them detrimental objects to consumers,encouraging us to buy things we really do not need.In my point of view,the latter opinion （用同一个词太多不好吧，改成one或同义词比较好）is more reasonable
In the first place ,exaggeration is one of the most important features of advertisements.The persuasive expressions are so convincing （和前面的persuasive有重复）that custormers can scarcely resist the temptation to buy the product（resist to do something 吗？）.But once it is used in daily life(不要可能好些吧) ,we can immediately （过于绝对的词甚用哈）figure out that it is not so magic and marvelous as what advertisements brag.For instance,young ladies always resort to certain kinds of shampoo to improve their hair quality（感觉表达过于中文化）,just as stars in advertisements,but turn out to be disappointed(but省略了个主语和主句的不一致，所以应该加个it).
In the second place,discount (小鸟裸奔型单词)in an advertisement is an aid to drive customers crazy and zealous at products（感觉用语太霸气了，还是用下may缓和下比较好）.When walking in （这是语法改错中比较常见的错误，in表示静态的，已经在里面的，into表示动态的，原本不在the downtown的，不知道阁下要表达的是哪种？）the downtown , we are attracted by advertisements about cutting price and rush to select cheap merchandises.Unfortunately,what we buy in these circumstances,to a large extent ,are either out-of-date or useless.Therefore they are  taken home and put deep in the cabinet.
In the third place,advertising makes use of celebrities to expand sales.Charming stars in an advertisement draw our attention tremendously（感觉TOEFL用语不要可以追求可能更好） ,so that the merchandises give us deep impression and we are liable to buy them,which are sometimes useless
In conclusion,advertising persuades  people to buy what they do not really need through exaggeration,discount and celebrities.Only by keeping calm in front of various advertisements can we make sensible dicisions and get what is （are）really valuable to us.
s+d9{ V7R7jdbbs

sldxc3010UID: 204034

西瓜，你没收到我发的邮件吗？

watermelon53UID: 2159112

没有呢，我们以后改完发到这里吧，这样更方便一点

sldxc3010UID: 204034

好的，好吧，那最开始写的还是发对方的邮箱里吧。

watermelon53UID: 2159112

西瓜修改后：
Ever since the first advertisement,slogans out of shops,showed up hundreds of years ago,advertising has become more and more flourishing.Some people hold the opinion that advertisements notify us about new products ,whereas others view them detrimental objects to consumers,encouraging us to buy things we really do not need.In my point of view,the latter one is more reasonable.
In the first place , basic to advertisements is exaggeration.people in all the advertisements ,with various stategies such as scientific explanation,surveys,comparation,to prove their products are more effective,ecconomic,less time-consuming and easier to use.The persuasive expressions and gorgeous scene are so attractive that scarcely canmany custormers  resist the temptation to buy the product.But once it is used ,to a large extent，we may have similar experiences that it is not so magic and marvelous as what advertisements brag.For instance,young ladies always resort to certain kinds of shampoo to improve their hair ,just as stars in advertisements,but in the end，feel disappointed and frustrated.
In the second place,discount in an advertisement is an aid to drive some customers crazy and zealous at products.When walking in the downtown , we are attracted by advertisements about cutting price and rush to select cheap merchandises.UUnfortunately,the shops are so packed by  customers  pouring in that we always lack full consideration in decision making so that what we buy in these circumstances,to a large extent ,turn out to be either out-of-date or useless,which is   taken home and put deep in the cabinet.
In the third place,advertising makes use of celebrities to expand sales.Charming stars in an advertisement draw our attention tremendously ,so that the merchandises give us deep impression .This may lead to a phenomenon that some people,especially fans of certain stars,consume the product not because of its high quality or their real needs but because of the stars speaking for it .Sometimes these kinds of products are neccesaties,while others just the opposote.
In conclusion,advertising persuades  people to buy what they do not really need through exaggeration,discount and celebrities.Only by keeping calm in front of various advertisements can we make sensible dicisions and get what is really valuable to us.

watermelon53UID: 2159112

尘埃改的不错，小意见：
1be  inclined to 的to似乎不是介词吧
2第一点a little off the  topic