issue61 calsunny第一篇作业，(coffee小组)欢迎大家拍砖，哪怕一句话的建议也行！

calsunnyUID: 2163431

请多关照，共同进步！

61. "High-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition."
最高荣誉比如诺贝尔奖实际上是在损害社会，因为这种奖项在暗示只有少数人才配得上这样的荣誉。
立场：反对
提纲：一，诺贝尔奖等是用来奖励那些作出突出贡献的人才的，一方面为他们树立远大的目标另一方面也是对他们所作出工作的肯定同时还可以激励他或者其他的人作出进一步的努力和研究；
      二，只有少数人获得这些奖项是合理的，它是奖给应该得到此奖的人而不是社会福利，实际上也没有必要很多人得到这类奖。
      三，不能因为这个奖项一般得不到类似的奖就认为这个奖项对人类有害，实际上一方面每个人都可以活得这样的奖，另一方面这些奖项激励着众多的科学家为人类社会作出了重大的贡献，几乎每个人都能从中受益。
结论：应该改善激励机制，建立梯级激励，让一般人知道自己离这些高的奖项有多远


Because only a few people get the high-profile awards such as Nobel Prize, the speaker asserts that the awards are in fact damaging to the society. If every person thinks the achievement of awards as the life goal and conceives that others who got the prize hurt him while so few people deserve such recognition then I concede that the speaker is absolutely right. Otherwise, I strongly disagree with the speaker when it comes to the real purpose of high-profile awards.
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To begin with, the high-profile awards are to inspire the most eminent people who did the outstanding work. On one hand, the establishment of the high awards is to set up a target for many people to do the fundamental work which could not get the rewards right away. Some scientific work such as the fundamental research of mathematics which looks like profitless and fruitless is benefit to many research fields and is good to the human being from the long run. To researchers of such fields, the rewards are the lighthouses to inspire them go forward. On the other hand, the accord of the high-profile awards is the highest affirmation of what the person had done. Although to the person, the predominant outcome itself of the work is the best encouragement. Due to the significant work and its insightful meaning to the society and human being, the high rewards are the reciprocation to the person. And these could inspire this person or others to go further. Mary Curie, as a good example, got the Nobel Prize for twice and her daughter got the prize too. This example tells us that the high-profile awards are given to the people for what they have done and encourage them to go ahead, while do not aim to hurt the common people who could not get them.

Furthermore, that only few people get the high-profile awards is reasonable. The awards are not the social welfare which gives most people who need but the inspiration and affirmation which the person deserves. The medals of Olympic Games are given few people, so are the medals of Oscar. Some times there are no owners of the Nobel Prize. So are the first of the Technology and science of progress of China. All these have confessed that the high-profile awards are given to those who are most worth getting them and their work is highly appreciated and irrefutable. What’s more, it is no necessary for everyone to get the high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize and others although anyone could set up the ideal goal to get them. Actuary, there are so many other medals for them to get and they could gain the encouragement from those.

The reason the speaker thinks so is because so few people could get the high- awards such as Nobel Prize, it seems that these prizes are useless and meaningless to the common people. It is the people who mistake the high-profile rewards for the privileges to few people and the rewards could not inspire common person to go ahead. In fact, every person has the chance to get the awards as long as his work is conceived as meaningful to the society. On the other hand, the high- profile awards outcome is benefit to each person especially the awards of Nobel Prize of medical and chemical fields. It is unfair to say that the high-profile prize is harmful to the society only because few people could get them.

In sum, every person has his own goal to pursue and the deserved awards to get. It is not reality for an elementary student or a common farmer to get the high-profile such as the Nobel Prize. But we can not say that the Prize is damaging to them. What we should do is to establish the system of prize levels and make every person get their corresponding rewards for his work and make him know how much he should do to get the high-level prize.

Cappuccino☆UID: 2155660

Because only a few people get the high-profile awards such as Nobel Prize, the speaker asserts that the awards are in fact damaging to the society. If every person thinks the achievement of awards as the life goal and conceives that others who got the prize hurt him while so few people deserve such recognition then I concede that the speaker is absolutely right.(这里用if条件句不太妥当吧,可以试着换个表达: High-profile awards很好,因此很多人都向往,得不到将的人嫉妒少数得到奖的,in this case I concede......) Otherwise(这个词的意思应该是"从问题的反面来说",这里论述的内容没有和前面构成正反的逻辑关系,只是观点的变化,我觉得这句话写成: However, when it comes to......,I strongly disgree.....), I strongly disagree with the speaker when it comes to the real purpose of high-profile awards. (开头段应该很明确的提出自己的观点和立场,而我觉得你分析题目的篇幅过多, 而自己的观点只有最后一句话, 结构上适当调整一下~~呵呵)
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To begin with, the high-profile awards are to inspire the most eminent people who did(这个词比较口语话,最好换成achieve,acomplish,fullfil,perform....等) the outstanding work. On one hand, the establishment of the high awards is to set up a target for many people to do the fundamental work which could not get the rewards right away(which 后面这句的表达如果换成:whose benefits could not be perspect by people immediately会比较好.个人意见啊~~呵呵). Some scientific work such as the fundamental research of mathematics which looks like profitless and fruitless is benefit to many research fields and is good to the human being from(这个介词怪怪的,好像应该用in吧?) the long run. To researchers of such fields, the rewards are the lighthouses to inspire them go forward. On the other hand, the accord of the high-profile awards is the highest affirmation of what the person had done. Although to the person(这个分句是什么意思啊?感觉没有和后面构成转折关系的~~), the predominant outcome itself of the work is the best encouragement. Due to the significant work and its insightful meaning to the society and human being, the high rewards are the reciprocation(赞!!这个词用的好~~) to the person. And these could inspire this person or others to go further. Mary Curie, as a good example, got the Nobel Prize for twice and her daughter got the prize too. This example tells us that the high-profile awards are given to the people for what they have done and encourage them to go ahead, while do not aim to hurt the common people who could not get them. (这段的结构组织的不错,就是用词比较单一,应该注意同义词的积累和互换)

Furthermore, that only few people get the high-profile awards is reasonable. The awards are not the social welfare which gives most people who need but the inspiration and affirmation which the person deserves. The medals of Olympic Games are given (to) few people, so are the medals of Oscar. Some times there are no owners of the Nobel Prize. So are the first of the Technology and science of progress of China. All these have confessed that the high-profile awards are given to those who are most worth getting them and their work is highly appreciated and irrefutable. What’s more, it is no necessary for everyone to get the high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize and others although anyone could set up the ideal goal to get them. Actuary(Acturally), there are so many other medals for them to get and they could gain the encouragement from those. (句式需要更灵活一点,比如表达什么和什么一样不一定只用so啊,像as well as, not only,but also都可以连接的)

The reason the speaker thinks so is because so few people could get the high- awards such as Nobel Prize, it seems that these prizes are useless and meaningless to the common people. It is the people who mistake the high-profile rewards for the privileges to few people and the rewards could not inspire common person to go ahead. In fact, every person has the chance to get the awards as long as his work is conceived as meaningful to the society. On the other hand, the high- profile awards outcome is benefit to each person especially the awards of Nobel Prize of medical and chemical fields. It is unfair to say that the high-profile prize is harmful to the society only because few people could get them. (呵呵~~越写越少啦~~感觉这段就是在重复前面说的,几乎没有什么新的观点,如果是驳斥题目的话应该好好的再展开一下)

In sum, every person has his (or hers) own goal to pursue and the deserved awards to get. It is not reality for an elementary student or a common farmer to get the high-profile such as the Nobel Prize. But we can not say that the Prize is damaging to them. What we should do is to establish the system of prize levels and make every person get their corresponding rewards for his work and make him know how much he should do to get the high-level prize.

这篇文章的论证上还不错,思路比较清晰,逻辑上也比较紧凑.但是结构上有点头重脚轻的感觉,语言上还需要锤炼,要注意句式的多样化与同义词的表达

在句式表达上建议看看Hunson的作业~~:)

[ Last edited by Cappuccino☆ on 2005-12-21 at 15:36 ]

calsunnyUID: 2163431

黄川UID: 2168599

受益良多地说

琦谋妙计UID: 2138818

楼主你太牛了

cappuccino你也太牛了，你们都是我偶像

一点小意见：另外，有一点感觉跟cappuccino一样，就是全篇都用了inspire，可以换换，stimulate啥的，呵呵

hunsonUID: 2147580

我来提供一下inspire的同义词
shake up，encourage，invigorate，enliven，animate

hunsonUID: 2147580

calsunny的issue61写作里对常用词用得很灵活，这个我要学习。感觉首段不够简练，而且似乎也没有很明显的让步阐述，这样会显得单薄，到数第四段合并到上一段，然后全部用来做让步似乎要好一些。 Mary Curie这个例子举的不错，假如抓住 is benefit to each person especially the awards of Nobel Prize of medical and chemical fields这个观点，用多重列举简单写几个例子，比如安南对合并的努力，terasa为穷人所做的努力等等，论证也许会更扎实

taotaoQUID: 2105710

上面的同志都说得比较全面了
我就提一点吧,大家好像用的例子都是NOBLE,如果再扩展一个其他的奖来举例,感觉会更新颖!

calsunnyUID: 2163431

Because only a few people get the high-profile awards such as Nobel Prize, the speaker asserts that the awards are in fact damaging to the society. If every person thinks the achievement of awards as the life goal and conceives that others who got the prize hurt him while so few people deserve such recognition then I concede that the speaker is absolutely right.(If evry person thinks the achivement of the awards as the lifelong goal and will be frustrated  or envy at others without getting the awards,then I concede that the speaker is absolutely right.稍微改了一下，不知道从哪看得开头，先作一个极端的让步然后说出自己的看法，呵呵！) Otherwise(否则的意思，是否有点中国化了？不过用 However挺好的！, when it comes to......,I strongly disgree.....), I strongly disagree with the speaker when it comes to the real purpose of high-profile awards. (However, when it comes to the real purpose of high-profile awards, I strongly disagree with the speaker.)
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To begin with, the high-profile awards are to inspire the most eminent people who did(fufilled) the outstanding work but not to engender the compition or humilate others who can not get the awards. On one hand, the establishment of the high awards is to set up a target for many people to conform the fundamental work which could not get the rewards right away.(whose benefits could not be perspect by people immediately---这个建议好！). Some scientific work such as the fundamental research of mathematics which looks like profitless and fruitless is benefit to many research fields and is good to the human being from(改成in) the long run. To researchers of such fields, the rewards are the lighthouses to inspire them go forward. On the other hand, the accord of the high-profile awards is the highest affirmation of what the person had done. Although(改为Acturally) to the person, the predominant outcome itself of the work is the best encouragement. Due to the significant work and its insightful meaning to the society and human being, the high rewards are the reciprocation to the person. And these could inspire this person or others to go further. Mary Curie, as a good example, got the Nobel Prize for twice and her daughter got the prize too. This example tells us that the high-profile awards are given to the people for what they have done and encourage them to go ahead, while do not aim to hurt the common people who could not get them.

Furthermore, that only few people get the high-profile awards is reasonable. The awards are not the social welfare which gives most (of the)people who need but the inspiration and affirmation which the person deserves. The medals of Olympic Games are given (to) few people, so are the medals of Oscar. Some times there are no owners of the Nobel Prize, the same as the first Technology and science of Progress of China(想表达中国科技进步一等奖的缺失，但没表达好，需要帮忙！). All these have confessed that the high-profile awards are given to those who are most worth getting them and their work is highly appreciated and irrefutable. What’s more, it is no necessary for everyone to get the high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize and others although anyone could set upH the ideal goal to get them. Actuary(Acturally), there are so many other medals for them to get and they could gain the encouragement from those. [color=Red](句式需要更灵活一点,比如表达什么和什么一样不一定只用so啊,像as well as, not only,but also都可以连接的-----谢谢，自己也很痛苦的，得找相关的范文研究一下句式问题)
The reason the speaker thinks so is because so few people could get the high- awards such as Nobel Prize, it seems that these prizes are useless and meaningless to the common people. However, it is the people who mistake the high-profile rewards for the privileges to few people and the rewards could not inspire common person to go ahead. In fact, every person has the chance to get the awards as long as his work is conceived as meaningful to the society.Teresa ,the owner of the Nobel Prize,is a common person while she has helped so many people.Only the people considering to serve the socety selfishlessly can get the awards and to them the awards are the addendum.(加了一些内容，可能又产生新的语法错误了，呵呵！) On the other hand, the high- profile awards outcome(The outcome of high-profile awards) is benefit to each person especially the awards of Nobel Prize of medical and chemical fields. It is unfair to say that the high-profile prize is harmful to the society only because few people could get them. (改过之后不知道感觉是否好些？).

In sum, every person has his (or hers) own goal to pursue and the deserved awards to get. It is not reality for an elementary student or a common farmer to get the high-profile such as the Nobel Prize. But we can not say that the Prize is damaging to them. What we should do is to establish the system of prize levels and make every person get their corresponding rewards for his work and make him know how much he should do to get the high-level prize.

改自己的作业真痛苦，什么也舍不得去掉。建议我们改过之后放一放，一个月之后拿出一个星期对已经写过的文章再进行自改和互改，这样可以看到自己的进步，也看到别人的进步----------不知这个建议是否可行！这样觉得比较扎实，同意的举手啊！(就是觉得写过的文章不能浪费了！)

[ Last edited by calsunny on 2005-12-22 at 14:51 ]

shielUID: 2140229

我是刚开始写，还没摸出什么路子，先多练练。
总结思考更加有助进步，呵，

Cappuccino☆UID: 2155660

呵呵~~我也有这个感觉......
就按照你说的好了,一个月之后拿出一个星期对已经写过的文章再进行自改和互改

calsunnyUID: 2163431

好吧！我们就这么干！