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[a习作temp] argument145 (GOGOGO) [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-12-26 19:00:26 |显示全部楼层
145 A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
一项新的调查所收集的数据显示打呼噜的人比不打呼噜的人更容易长胖。我们知道很多打呼噜的人夜间也经常有数秒钟的呼吸停顿,这种现象被称为睡眠呼吸中断。这种呼吸的停顿导致本人醒来--通常十分短暂以至于不被察觉--并且会使本人在白天很累而无力锻炼。因此,所有打呼噜的人都应该比正常人少吃多锻炼。

Outline:
1.这个调查没有提到调查的人数,以及年龄的分布。如果调查的人以孩子为主或以老人为主,那么结果是很不科学的。
2.我们知道锻炼有很多种,如果因为睡眠质量不高而没有精神运动的话,可以选择运动量比较小的运动方式
3.打呼噜只是很多疾病中的一种,人们很可能患有包括打呼噜在内的多种疾病。如果所有打呼噜的人都要少吃对锻炼的话,将会影响到其他病的治疗


In this argument the author makes a proposal that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore because snore makes people too tired to exercise during the day.  So anyone who snores should try to eat less than average person and to exercise more. The claim seems to be reasonable at the first glance, but with further analysis, it appears to suffer from several logical fallacies as follows.

To begin with, the conclusion of the argument is base on a survey. But the author does not mention any details about it such as how many people and how many kinds of people were investigated in the survey. If they do the research in colleges or sanatorium, the results of survey should be convinced.

Moreover, the author claims that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds; it can make people too tired during the day to exercise. That could not be powerful evidence as well. As we know, there are many types of sports such as soccer, swimming, jogging and fishing. Although they are tired to do the fiercely sports because of the low quality of sleeping, I think they could do some lightly exercise like jogging. Some people could be full of energy when they sleep only a short time, because they always have a lot of work to do. So I think snore do not influence them very much.

Last but not least, I think the conclusion of the argument should be questioned. For one thing, we should know that snore is only one kind of illness in the world; many people who snore may also suffer from other illness. Before knowing the information of patient, it is dangerous to give advice to them. If the patients eat less than the average person and to exercise more, that may make them worse. For another thing, we should notice that there is a kind of person snore only when they are tired. Maybe they just snore once during a month. I think they do not need to eat less and exercise because their relaxations are normally good.

In sum, the arguer does not consider these and other more possibilities that may influence the treatment of snore. We can safely draw the conclusion that the author need to conduct a detailed survey on patients who snore before any real conclusion is made.

[ Last edited by 加一 on 2005-12-26 at 19:03 ]

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发表于 2005-12-27 13:22:31 |显示全部楼层
145 A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
一项新的调查所收集的数据显示打呼噜的人比不打呼噜的人更容易长胖。我们知道很多打呼噜的人夜间也经常有数秒钟的呼吸停顿,这种现象被称为睡眠呼吸中断。这种呼吸的停顿导致本人醒来--通常十分短暂以至于不被察觉--并且会使本人在白天很累而无力锻炼。因此,所有打呼噜的人都应该比正常人少吃多锻炼。

Outline:
1.这个调查没有提到调查的人数,以及年龄的分布。如果调查的人以孩子为主或以老人为主,那么结果是很不科学的。
2.我们知道锻炼有很多种,如果因为睡眠质量不高而没有精神运动的话,可以选择运动量比较小的运动方式
3.打呼噜只是很多疾病中的一种,人们很可能患有包括打呼噜在内的多种疾病。如果所有打呼噜的人都要少吃对锻炼的话,将会影响到其他病的治疗


In this argument the author makes a proposal that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore because snore makes people too tired to exercise during the day.  So anyone who snores should try to eat less (and excise more)than average person and to exercise more.   (省掉)  The claim seems to be reasonable at the first glance, but with further analysis, it appears to suffer from several logical fallacies as follows.

To begin with, the conclusion of the argument is base on a survey. But the author does not mention any details about it such as how many people and how many (whta)kinds of people were investigated in the survey. If they do the research in colleges or sanatorium, the results of survey should be convinced. (应该是不可信吧?还有是不是只要不是在这两个地方做的调查就可信了呢?)

Moreover, the author claims that many people who snore also (前面又moreover了,这里就不用了吧) stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds; it can make people too tired during the day to exercise. That could not be powerful evidence as well. As we know, there are many types of sports such as soccer, swimming, jogging and fishing. Although they are tired to do the fiercely sports because of the low quality of sleeping, I think they could do some lightly exercise like jogging. Some people could be full of energy when they sleep only a short time, because they always have a lot of work to do. (这前后有因果关系吗?)So I think snore do not influence them very much.

Last but not least, I think the conclusion of the argument should be questioned. For one thing, we should know that snore is only one kind of illness in the world; many people who snore may also suffer from other illness. Before knowing the information of patient, it is dangerous to give advice to them. If the patients eat less than the average person and to exercise more, that may make them worse.(chenglish.句式应该在调整一下) For another thing, we should notice that there is a kind of person snore only when they are tired. Maybe they just snore once during a month. I think they do not need to eat less and exercise (more) because their relaxations are normally good.

In sum, the arguer does not consider these and other more possibilities that may influence the treatment of snore. (影响到对打鼾的治疗?没看懂)We can safely draw the conclusion that the author need to conduct a detailed survey on patients who snore before any real conclusion is made.

楼主的这篇模版我看过,也借鉴了一下的,我想楼主可能也是跟我一样刚接触AW,很多东西都不是很适应,参考一下别人的也当然是正常的,可是参考的目的是启发思路,而不是照搬,看了魔板后应该学会的是自己如何去找错误,一片argu里一般不会只有三个错误,楼主可以多想想多找找,一些魔板可能只是很牵强的找出三个来,比方说这题里面的第二个,我就觉得很勉强,也许魔板想攻击的是打鼾者不可能太累而不做任何运动, 那么如果他们可以做比较缓和一点的运动就不用“不平常人多运动了”,这样说可能说服力就更强一点
只是一点个人看法,楼主参考下就行了哈    不当之处希望能指出继续讨论!

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