[i习作temp] Issue141 (gogogo) [复制链接]

azalea
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发表于 2006-1-22 21:54:01 |只看该作者

中文提纲：1. 提出观点，若想经济成功，个性与一致同样重要
2. 个性在成功的路上必不可少，举例，Bill Gates
3. 有时成功并不一定需要向bill gates 一样那么不同寻常，有识之士需要换个思维
3. 若想经济成功，同样需要一致
4. 总结，个性的观点是方法是指引需要以团队合作精神为途径来实现
正文：
One hundred people may hold one hundred different ideas and methods[hold methods不搭配的。。不如说hold ideas about how to be..] to be economically successful. Some may emphasize on individuality, and[while] some may give precedence to conformity. However, numerous examples inform me to cherish the conviction that to realize personal economic success, individuality and conformity should be joined together.

To begin with, individuality is an indispensable factor on the way to the terminus of success[我觉得on the way to success就好了什么成功算是终极的呢？]. Any innovation or creativity makes one differentiated, so[thus] outstanding from others. Consider in a supermarket, what attracts your attention most[first比较常用吧一般都说最先吸引你的而不是最多吸引你的]? It always be[It is always] the products that are distinguished from other similar ones. The analogue can be drawn with economic success. An illuminating example is Bill Gates, a world-famous businessman. After entering Howard University, he made an astonishing determination to go on with his study[drop off], and[but] opened a company[具体说一下是Microsoft就好了] by himself instead. His choice is proved to be correct by his great success today. Imagine if he continued with his study just as his peers did, the name of personal computers’ father might not be [ granted to] Bill Gates.

Of course, sometimes to achieve success is not as difficult as it seems superficially[ostensibly表面上 superficially是浅薄地有点区别], and do not need such whimsical[这个怎么觉得不是褒义词啊] ideas as Bill Gates has. I once heard an interesting story of two young men’s success. It happened when numerous people rushed to California to seek for gold. The two young men went together with other people bearing the same dream of[for] gold. However, a wild river stopped them on the half way. Everyone was in desperation except the two. They made a boat as transportation for crossing the river. At last, most people returned in disappointment while the young men went home with money from the people who wanted to cross the river. This story tells us that even in desperation you can find hope to be successful by your own individuality.

Nonetheless, only individuality can not surely bring you success. Conformity is equally paramount as individuality. We live in a[the] current society that[where] no one can be isolated from others. Therefore, no success can be accomplished by an individual without any cooperation with others. If no conformity exists in Bill Gates’ company[Microsoft 简练些], there is no doubt that he is unable to construct his computer realm. Not only Bill Gates’ company, achievement and progress of any company demands orderly management and conformity of all the stuff.

In closing, both individuality and conformity are necessities to reach personal economic achievement. Individuality acts as a beacon while conformity can be used as a stick. With the help [of]the two, you will understand[觉得意思不大恰当换成什么好呢？:(] that every road can reach[lead to，reach的主语应该是人而不是路！] success.

觉得写得相当好啊例子满恰当的字数少是因为你对论据的分析太少了不要一句话完成任务啊至少正面反面都说一句然后做下对比比如那个渡河的例子 2种人为何结果不同深入分析下就更好了

另外开头结尾都看出来很用心的注意下用词就完美了

[i习作temp] Issue141 (gogogo) [复制链接]

cow~不客气哈

问下加一 例子小没什么不好吧。。

赞！

那不如开个聊天帖吧。。

水版是哪个？

问下加一例子小没什么不好吧。。