argument117 V-march作业

woodygtUID: 2136751

TOPIC：ARGUMENT 117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS：467          TIME：1:22:37          DATE：2006-2-5

The manager of Valu-Mart(VM) stores concludes that the office-supply deparments of the store should increase stock of office supplies and home office machines in order to raise the sales. To support the conclusion, the author cites a survey that over 70 percent of the respondents are required to take more work home than in the past. However, I find the evidences offered provide little credible support for the conclusion.

First, the survey result is unreliable as the author dose not give enough informations. We do not know the number and the background of the respondents, which may be lead to different survey result. As it is known to all, a successful survey is based on a great amount of random selected respondents, without which it is hard to get a reliable result. If all the respondents are in companies that are trying to give employees more work at home while most people are taking more work to the workplace, then maybe the trend of work place is opposite to the survey result.

Even if there is a work-at-home trend, home office machines or office supplies may be not required by the people working at home. On one hand, no sign shows that the work being taken home need a lot of home office machines. Maybe all the things the employees need to do at home is collecting informations, making designs which are not necessary to use the expensive machines. On the other hand, as a result of the development of Internet, personal computers have taken the place of some old home office machines such as fax machines and so forth. People can send their ideas by Email and even do not need to print them out. There are fewer and fewer files in paper which is the greatest comsumer of printers, copy machines and paper shredders.

The last but not the least problem in the conclusion is that increasing the stock dose not mean the increasing of gain. Even the requirement of home office machines is going up as a result of the work-at-home trend, VM sotres may still have many competiters who also have noticed the raise of requirement, which means VM stores must pay more attentain to advertising or other methods to gain customers in order to raise profits. Only increasing the stock without a good market plan cannot lead to great profits but a failure.

To sum up, the conclusion is not well supported by the evidence cited in the argument. To bolster the conclusion, the author should provide more information about the respondents' background and number to make the survey reliable. And it is also necessary to make sure what is the real requirement of the new work trend. And other relative functions which lead to high profits should not be ignored.

[ 本帖最后由 woodygt 于 2006-2-10 18:29 编辑 ]

爱格UID: 2103778

The manager of Valu-Mart(VM) stores concludes that the office-supply deparments departments of the store should increase stock of office supplies and home office machines in order to raise the sales. To support the conclusion, the author cites a survey that over 70 percent of the respondents are required to take more work home than in the past. However, I find the evidences offered provide little credible support for the conclusion.

First, the survey result is unreliable as the author dose not give enough informations.不可数名词 We do not know the number and the background of the respondents, which may be去掉 lead to different survey result. As it is known to all, a successful survey is based on a great amount of random selected respondents, without which it is hard to get a reliable result重复使用了好几次可以换成outcome等. If all the respondents are in companies that are trying to give employees more work at home while most people 最后在这里加一个限定范围的词以免引起歧异are taking more work to the workplace, then maybe the trend of work place is opposite to the survey result.第一个批驳点，利用调查的缺陷否定××trend,很好

Even if there is a work-at-home trend, home office machines or office supplies may be not required by the people working at home. On one hand, no sign shows that the work being taken home是否可改成taking work home更通顺一些？ need needs a lot of home office machines. Maybe all the things the employees need to do at home is collecting informations, making designs which are not necessary to use the expensive machines. On the other hand, as a result of the development of Internet, personal computers have taken the place of some old home office machines such as fax machines and so forth. People can send their ideas by Email and even do not need to print them out. There are fewer and fewer files in paper which is the greatest comsumer consumer of printers, copy machines and paper shredders.我觉得这个take place的例子举的很好，我就没想到，赞！
The last but not the least problem in the conclusion is that increasing the stock dose not mean the increasing of gain. Even the requirement of home office machines is going up as a result of the work-at-home trend, VM sotres may still have many competiters competitors who also have noticed the raise of requirement, which means VM stores must pay more attentain attention to advertising or other methods to gain customers in order to raise profits. Only increasing the stock without a good market plan cannot lead to great profits but a failure.竞争者的批驳点举的好！

To sum up, the conclusion is not well supported by the evidence cited in the argument. To bolster the conclusion, the author should provide more information about the respondents' background and number to make the survey reliable. And it is also necessary to make sure what is the real requirement of the new work trend. And other relative functions which lead to high profits should not be ignored.
这篇argument写的看来很娴熟，言简意赅，批驳恰到好处，我昨天刚写的这篇，是我一个月后的第二篇arg,生硬的很！以后要多来欣赏你的大作！不足之处是错字也太多了点吧～

woodygtUID: 2136751

估计我把改语法之前的那一份发上来了:L