issue64

meilinUID: 2169936

Issue64 Many people know how to attain success, but few know how to make the best use of it
Outline
1.        成功带来的物质收益让人们不知道怎么利用成功
2.        成功的内涵
In this technological advanced and profit-oriented society, the way to attain success has become an issue of wide public concern. However, as the author asserts, a great many people are fully aware of how to acquire success but quite a few knows how to take advantage of it.

Success is tantamount to far more than the attainment of social status, wealth, and reputation. Nowadays, many people simply equate the afore-mentioned by-products of success to success itself. This superficial viewpoint results in a social phenomenon that a lot of people abandon them in the so-called success and miss the real point of success. Admittedly, in the pursuit of the so-called success, they do make great endeavors and sacrifice themselves for the general interests of the public. In this sense, they achieved the real success. However, the false and superficial understanding of success as material gains make them unable to make the best use of it , since what they care is the aggrandizing of social status, the maximization of profits, the enhancement of reputation. An apt illustration can be found in China, the former Beijing Mayor, with his great efforts and dedication to social well-being, won great public support and assumed the post of Mayor. After he got the post, he lost the true meaning of success and how to make best use of it, acceptance of bribes and appropriation of public funds for personal purposes sent him into prison. Therefore, success amounts to far more that the material gains, only the acquirement of its essence, can we take advantage of it.

Success means the attainments of both material rewards and mental satisfaction. The two aspects of success deserve our equal attention. Over-emphasis on the former aspect will eclipse our success and befuddle us as to how make advantage of it. Even worse, overrating the material gains will lead people to selfishness and complacency .The latter part of success derives primarily from recognition from colleagues, family members and other public members. Only through unremitting struggle to devote ourselves to the public, can we harvest the latter aspect of success through public acknowledgement. Through the mental satisfaction, we come to the awareness of the essence success and will be more likely to get our success through devoting instead of getting only the material rewards. For example, the scientists, through their ceaseless efforts on scientific experiments and study, they bring us with innovations and discoveries in realms of inquiry. If they concerns only what the material rewards they will get, perhaps the study in some theory realms will remain stagnant. It is the recognition of the public, through which the latter part of success is achieved, serves as the impetus for their future devotion. In this sense, the latter part of success makes us clearer about the essence of success and thus able to make the best use of if for public efforts.

In my final analysis, the mental rewards of success, stemming from public recognition, deserve our equal attention. Only through this, can we understand the true meaning of success and thus be able to make the best use of it.

greenlemonUID: 2169154

1.        成功带来的物质收益让人们不知道怎么利用成功
2.        成功的内涵
In this technological advanced and profit-oriented society, the way to attain success has become an issue of wide public concern. However, as the author asserts, a great many people are fully aware of how to acquire success but quite a few knows how to take advantage of it.

Success is tantamount to far more than the attainment of social status, wealth, and reputation. Nowadays, many people simply equate the afore-mentioned by-products of success to success itself. This superficial viewpoint results in a social phenomenon that a lot of people abandon them in the so-called success and miss the real point of success(it). Admittedly, in the pursuit of the so-called success, they do make great endeavors and sacrifice themselves for the general interests of the public. In this sense, they achieved the real success. However, the false and superficial understanding of success as material gains make them unable to （utilize it effectively）make the best use of it , since what they care is the aggrandizing of social status, the maximization of profits,(and) the enhancement of reputation. An apt illustration can be found in China, the former Beijing Mayor, with his great efforts and dedication to social well-being, won great public support and assumed the post of Mayor. After he got the post, he lost the true meaning of success and how to make best use of it, (and) acceptance of bribes and appropriation of public funds for personal purposes sent him into prison. Therefore, success amounts to far more that (than) the material gains, only the acquirement of its essence, can we take advantage of it.     结句可不可以这么说, Success amounts to far more than the material gains, and the pursuit of profits only would result to not only the improper use of success, but also the departure of moral rules and even the offence against laws.

Success means the attainments of both material rewards and mental satisfaction. The two aspects of success deserve our equal attention. Over-emphasis on the former aspect will eclipse our success and befuddle us as to how make advantage of it. Even worse, overrating the material gains will lead people to selfishness and complacency .The latter part of success derives primarily from recognition from colleagues, family members and other public members. Only through unremitting struggle to devote ourselves to the public, can we harvest the latter aspect of success through public acknowledgement. Through the mental satisfaction, we come to the awareness of the essence success and will be more likely to get our success through devoting instead of getting only the material rewards. For example, the scientists, through their ceaseless efforts on scientific experiments and study, they bring us with innovations and discoveries in realms of inquiry(在调查的领域？). If they concerns only what the material rewards they will get, perhaps the study in some theory realms will remain stagnant. It is the recognition of the public, through which the latter part of success is achieved, serves as the impetus for their future devotion. In this sense, the latter part of success makes us clearer about the essence of success and thus able to make the best use of if for public efforts.这段说的是成功的另外一个方面，也就是精神上的满足对于继续努力的推动作用，但是和题目中说如何最好的利用成功的成果还是有点差别，这部分的思路我觉得要调整一下。

In my final analysis, the mental rewards of success, stemming from public recognition, deserve our equal attention. Only through this, can we understand the true meaning of success and thus be able to make the best use of it.

这篇比起以前，显得单调了些。我觉得你想的东西可能太多，自己建立了逻辑关系，然后默认这种关系，但是在文章中没有很好的阐述，没把你自己思维中的逻辑建立过程体现出来。然后语言比起以前有点生硬了，不知道为什么有这种感觉………………

collins_liuUID: 190687

In this technological advanced and profit-oriented society, the way to attain success has become an issue of wide public concern. However, as the author asserts, a great many people are fully aware of how to acquire success but quite a few knows how to take advantage of it.

Success is tantamount to far more than the attainment of social status, wealth, and reputation.(unclear sentence structure) Nowadays, many people simply equate the afore-mentioned by-products of success to success itself. This superficial viewpoint results in a social phenomenon that a lot of people abandon them in the so-called success and miss the real point of success. Admittedly, in the pursuit of the so-called success, they do make great endeavors and sacrifice themselves for the general interests of the public. In this sense, they achieved the real success. However, the false and superficial understanding of success as material gains make them unable to make the best use of it , since what they care is the aggrandizing of social status, the maximization of profits, the enhancement of reputation. An apt illustration can be found in China, the former Beijing Mayor, with his great efforts and dedication to social well-being, won great public support and assumed the post of Mayor. After he got the post, he lost the true meaning of success and how to make best use of it,(.) acceptance of bribes and appropriation of public funds for personal purposes sent him into prison.(such an example fails to lend a strong support to what you claim) Therefore, success amounts to far more that the material gains, (and) only the acquirement of its essence, can we take advantage of it.

Success means the attainments of both material rewards and mental satisfaction. The two aspects of success deserve our equal attention. Over-emphasis on the former aspect will eclipse our success and befuddle us as to how (to)make advantage of it. Even worse, overrating the material gains will lead people to selfishness and complacency .(negative side is not a strong enough support) The latter part of success derives primarily from recognition from colleagues, family members and other public members. Only through unremitting struggle to devote ourselves to the public, can we harvest the latter aspect of success through public acknowledgement.(groundless claim)  Through the mental satisfaction, we come to the awareness of the essence success and will be more likely to get our success through devoting instead of getting only the material rewards. For example, (the) scientists, through their ceaseless efforts on scientific experiments and study, (they) bring us with innovations and discoveries in realms of inquiry. If they concerns only what the material rewards they will get, perhaps the study in some theory realms will remain stagnant. It is the recognition of the public, through which the latter part of success is achieved, (that)serves as the impetus for their future devotion. In this sense, the latter part of success makes us clearer about the essence of success and thus able to make the best use of if for public efforts.(little about the use of success, not on topic)

In my final analysis, the mental rewards of success, stemming from public recognition, deserve our equal attention. Only through this(that), can we understand the true meaning of success and thus be able to make the best use of it.

尝试一下用英文批注的感觉，呵呵。第二段有些跑题，整体的观点似乎也不鲜明。组长这篇没写好。

rabbitvvUID: 2115592

1.        成功带来的物质收益让人们不知道怎么利用成功
2.        成功的内涵
In this technological advanced and profit-oriented society, the way to attain success has become an issue of wide public concern. However, as the author asserts, a great many people are fully aware of how to acquire success but quite a few knows how to take advantage of it.

Success is tantamount to far more than the attainment of social status, wealth, and reputation.为什么成功就不能等于这些呢？每个人对于成功的定义不同的。你不能武断得说，社会地位，财富等的获得就不是一种成功。 Nowadays, many people simply equate the afore-mentioned by-products of success to success itself. This superficial viewpoint results in a social phenomenon that a lot of people abandon them in the so-called success and miss the real point of success那么真正的成功又是什么呢？我看到这里还是不晓得.如果你想告诉别人什么是真正的成功，那么就应该放在前面就告诉别人，不要含蓄得放在后面. Admittedly, in the pursuit of the so-called success, they do make great endeavors and (sacrifice themselves for the general interests of the public)在追求成功的过程中这些人都为了大众利益牺牲个人利益了吗？你在这个句子中表述了这个意思，但事实不是这样的吧。不是每个人都会这样做呀，你起码也要把they限定一下吧. In this sense, they achieved the real success.看到这里才知道了你定义的真正的成功是要考虑社会大众利益。但是到这里还是没有点到如何利用成功。 However, the false and superficial understanding of success as material gains make them unable to make the best use of it , since what they care is the aggrandizing of social status, the maximization of profits, the enhancement of reputation.这句话怎么又把意思说回去了。 An apt illustration can be found in China, the former Beijing Mayor, with his great efforts and dedication to social well-being, won great public support and assumed the post of Mayor. After he got the post, he lost the true meaning of success and how to make best use of it, acceptance of bribes and appropriation of public funds for personal purposes sent him into prison. Therefore, success amounts to far more that the material gains, only the acquirement of its essence, can we take advantage of it.
这一段好像一直在什么是人们表面理解的成功和什么是真正的成功在绕圈子。但是没有怎么提到“如何利用成功”呀。只是在最后的例子中提到“make best use of it”这个词。是否实现真正的成功就是等同于懂得了“如何利用成功”呢？如果你是这么认为的，那么你就要把这一点在段首要指出来
Success means the attainments of both material rewards and mental satisfaction. The two aspects of success deserve our equal attention. Over-emphasis on the former aspect will eclipse our success and befuddle us as to how make advantage of it. Even worse, overrating the material gains will lead people to selfishness and complacency .The latter part of success derives primarily from recognition from colleagues, family members and other public members. Only through unremitting struggle to devote ourselves to the public, can we harvest the latter aspect of success through public acknowledgement. Through the mental satisfaction, we come to the awareness of the essence success and will be more likely to get our success through devoting instead of getting only the material rewards. For example, the scientists, through their ceaseless efforts on scientific experiments and study, they bring us with innovations and discoveries in realms of inquiry. If they concerns only what the material rewards they will get, perhaps the study in some theory realms will remain stagnant. It is the recognition of the public, through which the latter part of success is achieved, serves as the impetus for their future devotion. In this sense, the latter part of success makes us clearer about the essence of success and thus able to make the best use of if for public efforts.
这一段看了TS我就没有看下去了。我觉得你偏题了。没有必要去把成功按你的理解在这里定义一遍的。
In my final analysis, the mental rewards of success, stemming from public recognition, deserve our equal attention. Only through this, can we understand the true meaning of success and thus be able to make the best use of it.
再看一遍题目。其中有好几个关键词你都没怎么在文章中提到。”make the best use of” 还有“few”。你需要回应什么叫充分利用成功？是否人们懂得如何利用成功？懂得的人多吗？