argument145 (同主题写作&friends小组作业) 敬请指点！

夏花秋叶UID: 2180544

第一篇argu，未限时，提纲+写作+自改约2h
请各位牛牛拍砖，bow~~
欢迎留链接互拍。

145
“A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.”

参考nand,forevercoco还有其他同学的意见，2.21大幅度修改了一下这篇argu，如下。敬请指点！（之前写的附在后面）

The arguer asserts that people who snore should eat less and exercise more than the average, base on a recent survey that those people are more likely to gain weight. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer also provides conventional knowledge that snores are usually accompanied by so-called "sleep apnea" which brings fatigue to physical exercise. This argument appears logically acceptable at first glance, but further examination reveals some critical flaws, which would be discussed in turn.

To begin with, the above data is not statistically reliable. According to the argument, neither the size nor randomness of the sampling is presented. If the study is limited to only 50 people from Florida, and among them only 10 are snorers, then it is not convincing to draw a general conclusion merely from such a small group in a specific region. One may also ask, how does the study conducted and used for?　Perhaps it is based on onymous questionnaires, and then some respondents may tell lies in order to boast their physical fitness. It is also possible that this study is conducted by an aerobics center and used for advertising. Further, lacking the age, basic weight, physical conditions, diet pattern, life styles and other significant factors of people involved, the study is too vague to be informative.  

Even if one accepts the study result, the argument remains questionable. For one thing, the arguer unfairly assumes an amount correlation to a causal relationship: people who snore have a higher possibility to gain weight, and then it is snore that necessarily causes weight gain. It is possible that other factors not caused by snore contribute substantially to weight. For instance, people advanced in ages are more likely to gain weight, and they have more chances to snore as well, but it is logically incorrect to establish a causal relationship between the two. The same is true of genetic factors. Although the arguer provides common knowledge that in many cases snores, accompanied by interruption of breathing, leave one too tired to exercise, lacking solid evidence concerning that the fatigue of exercise inevitably leads to weight increment, the causal relationship between snore and weight is still dubious.

Moreover, even if the assumption is proved that snores necessarily adds to weight, conclusions that people who snore should eat less and exercise more is improper. Admittedly, this conclusion conforms to people's daily experience that over-weight people should do their utmost to go on a diet and do exercise. However, whether it applies to people who snore is doubtful. As presented in the argument, snore indirectly makes people too tired during the day to exercise, thus it is theoretically possible that significantly large amount of exercise may burden themselves and do harm to their health. On the other hand, there lies the possibility that to eat less and to exercise more may lead to more heavily snore, which is detrimental. Consequently, based on the assumption that snore causes weight, the logically proper way for snorers toward physical fitness should be taking measures to prevent them from snoring, rather than simply go on a diet and do exercise.

In summary, this argument is not so convincing as it appears, by reason of the doubtful reliability of the data, the questionable causal relationship between snores and weight increment, and the problematic logic in drawing the conclusion.


附：2.10的习作（第一篇argu）

The arguer asserts that people who snore should eat less and exercise more than the average, base on a recent survey that those people are more likely to gain weight. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer also provides conventional knowledge that snore is usually accompanied by so-called "sleep apnea" which brings tiresome to physical exercise. This argument appears logically acceptable at first glance. However, further examination reveals some critical flaws, as discussed below.

To begin with, the statistical reliability of the study collected data on which the arguer relies is open to question. How many people are observed in the study? Among those, how many snore? Are they representatives of all the people in different physical conditions and with distinctive life style? What about the distribution of age, sex, weight, and so forth? Without relevant information, it is impossible to assess the credibility of the survey.

Even if one accepts the study result, the argument remains questionable. For one thing, the arguer unfairly assumes an amount correlation to a causal relationship: people who snore have a higher possibility to gain weight, then it is snore that necessarily causes weight. It is possible that other factors not caused by snore contribute substantially to weight. For instance, people advanced in ages are more likely to gain weight, and they have more chances to snore as well, but it is logically incorrect to establish a causal relationship between the two. One similar example may be genetic determination. Although the arguer provides common knowledge that snore, because of accompanied interruption of breathing, leaves one too tired to exercise, lacking solid evidence concerning that the fatigue of exercise inevitably leads to weight, the causal relationship between snore and weight is still dubious.

More over, even if the assumption that snore necessarily causes weight is proved, conclusions that people who snore should eat less and exercise more is improper. Admittedly, this conclusion conforms to people's daily experience that over-weight people should do their utmost to go on a diet and do exercise. However, whether it applies to people who snore is doubtful. As presented in the argument, snore indirectly makes people too tired during the day to exercise, thus it is theoretically possible that significantly large amount of exercise may burden themselves and do harm to their health. On the other hand, there lies the possibility that to eat less and to exercise more may lead to more heavily snore, which is detrimental. Consequently, based on the assumption that snore causes weight, the logically proper way for people who snore toward physical fitness should be taking measures to prevent themselves from snore, rather than simply to go on a diet and to do exercise.

In summary, this argument is not so convincing as it appears, because of the doubtful reliability of the data, the questionable causal relationship between snore and weight, and the problematic logic in drawing the conclusion.

[ 本帖最后由 夏花秋叶 于 2006-2-21 17:34 编辑 ]

夏花秋叶UID: 2180544

自己顶一个
请大家帮帮忙，有拍必回，留链接互拍

nandUID: 2179356

The arguer asserts that people who snore should eat less and exercise more than the average, base on a recent survey that those people are more likely to gain weight. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer also provides conventional knowledge that snore is usually accompanied by so-called "sleep apnea" which brings tiresome to physical exercise. This argument appears logically acceptable at first glance. However, further examination reveals some critical flaws, as discussed below.

To begin with, the statistical reliability of the [study collected data] [data collected in the study]on which the arguer relies is open to question. How many people are observed in the study? Among those, how many snore? Are they representatives of all the people in different physical conditions and with distinctive life style? What about the distribution of age, sex, weight, and so forth? Without relevant information, it is impossible to assess the credibility of the survey.

Even if one accepts the study result, the argument remains questionable. For one thing, the arguer unfairly assumes an amount correlation to a causal relationship: people who snore have a higher possibility to gain weight, then it is snore that necessarily causes weight. It is possible that other factors not caused by snore contribute substantially to weight. For instance, people advanced in ages are more likely to gain weight, and they have more chances to snore as well, but it is logically incorrect to establish a causal relationship between the two. One similar example may be genetic determination. Although the arguer provides common knowledge that snore, because of accompanied interruption of breathing, leaves one too tired to exercise, lacking solid evidence concerning that the fatigue of exercise inevitably leads to weight, the causal relationship between snore and weight is still dubious.

More over, even if the assumption that snore necessarily causes weight is proved, conclusions that people who snore should eat less and exercise more is improper. Admittedly, this conclusion conforms to people's daily experience that over-weight people should do their utmost to go on a diet and do exercise. However, whether it applies to people who snore is doubtful. As presented in the argument, snore indirectly makes people too tired during the day to exercise, thus it is theoretically possible that significantly large amount of exercise may burden themselves and do harm to their health. On the other hand, there lies the possibility that to eat less and to exercise more may lead to more heavily snore, which is detrimental. Consequently, based on the assumption that snore causes weight, the logically proper way for people who snore toward physical fitness should be taking measures to prevent themselves from snore, rather than simply to go on a diet and to do exercise.

In summary, this argument is not so convincing as it appears, because of the doubtful reliability of the data, the questionable causal relationship between snore and weight, and the problematic logic in drawing the conclusion.

写的很不错哦~~语言也很好滴，楼主谦虚了~~~

夏花秋叶UID: 2180544

多谢鼓励:)
excuse me, 你的修改我不太明白，是说不和题目中的"study collected data"重复吗？

forevercocoUID: 149574

The arguer asserts that people who snore should eat less and exercise more than the average, base on a recent survey that those people are more likely to gain weight. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer also provides conventional knowledge that snore[snorers] is[are,这里最好用复数] usually accompanied by so-called "sleep apnea" which brings tiresome to[bring..too..好像不恰当] physical exercise. This argument appears logically acceptable at first glance. However, further examination reveals some critical flaws, as discussed below.
[第一段其实可以简练一点的，最好一句话总结然后指出他这个论证是有逻辑错误的，就ok了]

To begin with, the statistical reliability of the study collected data on which the arguer relies is open to question.[data collection of the study is not quite statistical reliable, 这样一句应该就可以了，TS最好简单一些，不要用太复杂的从句什么的，容易显得混乱，或者把collected data去掉] How many people are observed in the study? Among those, how many snore[are snorers]? Are they representatives of all the people in different physical conditions and with distinctive life style? What about the distribution of age, sex, weight, and so forth? Without relevant information, it is impossible to assess the credibility of the survey.
[这一段可以挑出一点详细的论证一下，比如果体重，在实验组或者对照组是否一致]

Even if one accepts the study result, the argument remains questionable. For one thing, the arguer unfairly assumes an amount correlation to a causal relationship: people who snore have a higher possibility to gain weight, then it is snore that necessarily causes weight. It is possible that other factors not caused by[not caused by改称other than] snore contribute substantially to weight. For instance, people advanced in[advanced in是进步的意思-_-!] ages are more likely to gain weight, and they have more chances to snore as well, but it is logically incorrect to establish a causal relationship between the two. One similar example may be genetic determination. Although the arguer provides common knowledge that snore, because of accompanied interruption of breathing, leaves one too tired to exercise, lacking solid evidence concerning that the fatigue of exercise inevitably leads to weight, the causal relationship between snore and weight is still dubious.
[这一段写得很好！]

More over, even if the assumption that snore necessarily causes weight is proved, conclusions that people who snore should eat less and exercise more is improper. Admittedly, this conclusion conforms to people's daily experience that over-weight people should do their utmost to go on a diet and do exercise. However, whether it applies to people who snore is doubtful. As presented in the argument, snore indirectly makes people too tired during the day to exercise, thus it is theoretically possible that significantly large amount of exercise may burden themselves and do harm to their health. On the other hand, there lies the possibility that to eat less and to exercise more may lead to more heavily snore, which is detrimental. Consequently, based on the assumption that snore causes weight, the logically proper way for people who snore toward physical fitness should be taking measures to prevent themselves from snore, rather than simply to go on a diet and to do exercise.
[这一点我也写到了，就是文章的结论和前面是自相矛盾的，不过写不了这么长，嘿嘿]

In summary, this argument is not so convincing as it appears, because of the doubtful reliability of the data, the questionable causal relationship between snore and weight, and the problematic logic in drawing the conclusion.

[总体来说不错，递进的写法用在这篇文章里很合适，唯一的不足之处就是语言方面，希望语言可以简洁明了一些，那就更好啦，加油哦！]

夏花秋叶UID: 2180544

非常感谢forevercoco:)学到了不少

btw:我在金山词霸上查了一下advanced in的用法：
advanced in years [life]
上了年纪

夏花秋叶UID: 2180544

自己顶一下，重新修改了10天以前的第一篇argu，欢迎指点:)
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