Argument38 Baxia小组8次作业-michelle

michelle1021UID: 195011

Argument38
提纲：
1，        这种新的疗法只是承诺会有作用，但不能确定
2，        East Meria的居民买了鱼不一定都吃了，而且不看医生不代表他们很健康
3，        就算不感冒也不一定去学校或工作的地方，有时感冒只是个借口
4，        吃Ichthaid不见得就能保持健康和减少缺勤，这个药物的安全性也值得怀疑

The short memo concludes that a daily use of Ichthaid, nutritional supplement derived form fish oil, is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To justify this conclusion the author justify the following reasons that people in East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, visit doctor rarely a year, and not getting colds can reduce absenteeism of school. However, careful consideration of these facts reveals that they fail to justify the author's conclusion.

In the first place, the innovative treatment just promise to significantly reduce absenteeism of schools and work places, but it cannot guarantee this result. And it is obvious that people who absent from schools and work places may not be fitted to this innovative treatment, even if they fit, they are also not likely to go to schools and work places if schools are not interested them or their boss cannot pay them normally.

In the second place, in East Meria, the author unfairly assumes that people seldom visit doctors is totally because the fish consumption is very high there. Perhaps people in East Meria who bought fish may not eat themselves but sale fish to other places. Perhaps they only visit doctor once or twice a year is because they do not have enough money to spend on medication, or some people get cold may not so serious to see a doctor, they kept pills for emergency. Since, the author has failed to rule out other possible explanations for this reducing absenteeim thing, I remain uncomvience based on the evidence that poeple who eat fish are healthy.

In the third place, the author said eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds and colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from schools and workplaces. Common sense informs me that people give colds as the reason for absences are just choose a alibi to explain their lazy mood. Although some people are really too sick to go to work, if they really want to work, then nothing can stop them. Hence, the author failed to establish the reasonable relationship between colds and the absences.

Finally, the mere fact that eat more fish can get healthy and less absence from schools and work places proves nothing about the daily use of Ichthaid. It is not clearly mentioned that the Health center and the fitted group of this medicien already checked Ichthaid. Even if it is proved to be good, people who are healthy will not certainly go to schools or work places.

In sum, the author fails to convince me to use Ichthaid as a way to be healthy and encourage people to go to work. To strengthen the argument, the author must provide clear evidence that in East Meria people who indeed eat fish to be health, and they do not visit doctor frequently is because they are healthy but not they are too poor or just do not want to visit. To better assess this argument, I need to know that whether people do not go to schools or work places just because they get colds, and at the time when they recovered their illness, they will absolutely go to schools and work places. Also, I would need more information about the security of eating Ichthaid and whether it has its effective medical power to let people be health.

[ 本帖最后由 staralways 于 2006-2-13 19:38 编辑 ]

freud5027UID: 2165870

The short memo concludes that a daily use of Ichthaid, nutritional supplement derived form fish oil, is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To justify this conclusion the author justify(用一样的词不好吧provides) the following reasons<感觉你that后面用一句话把几个fact连起来了，是不是用单数合适点？> that people in East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, visit doctor rarely a(every/each) year, and not getting colds can reduce absenteeism of school. However, careful consideration of these facts reveals that they fail to justify the author's conclusion.

In the first place, the innovative treatment just promise to significantly reduce absenteeism of schools and work places, but it cannot guarantee this result. And it is obvious that people who absent from schools and work places may not be fitted to this innovative treatment, even if they fit, they are also not likely to go to schools and work places if schools are not interested them or their boss cannot pay them normally.<一上来就攻击最终结论感觉思路不是很顺畅，也可能是我不习惯这种方式；另外，这段的表达意思不够清晰>

In the second place, in East Meria, the author unfairly assumes that people seldom visit doctors is totally because the fish consumption is very high there. Perhaps people in East Meria who bought fish may not eat themselves but sale fish to other places. Perhaps they only visit(their visiting) doctor once or twice a year is because they do not have enough money to spend on medication, or some people get cold may not so serious (serious enough) to see a doctor, they kept pills for emergency<这句表述是不是有点怪？>. Since, the author has failed to rule out other possible explanations for this reducing absenteeim thing, I remain uncomvience<用adj.？> based on the evidence that poeple who eat fish are healthy.

In the third place, the author said eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds and colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from schools and workplaces. Common sense informs me that people give colds as the reason for absences are just choose a alibi to explain their lazy mood. Although some people are really too sick to go to work, if they really want to work, then nothing can stop them.<这句好像比较符合中国人的做法，我记得我德国的同学好像说过，外国人特别怕感冒，他们绝对不会希望你生病了还坚持上班，怕被传染的说> Hence, the author failed to establish the reasonable relationship between colds and the absences.

Finally, the mere fact that eat more fish can get healthy and less absence from schools and work places proves nothing about the daily use of Ichthaid. It is not clearly mentioned that the Health center and the fitted group of this medicien(medicine) already checked(是不是该用审核通过之类的词) Ichthaid. Even if it is proved to be good, people who are healthy will not certainly go to schools or work places.<把攻击的第一段跟这段合起来比较好>

In sum, the author fails to convince me to use Ichthaid as a way to be healthy and encourage people to go to work. To strengthen the argument, the author must provide clear evidence that in East Meria people who indeed eat fish to be health, and they do not visit doctor frequently is because they are healthy but not they are too poor or just do not want to visit. To better assess this argument, I need to know that whether people do not go to schools or work places just because they get colds, and at the time when they recovered their illness, they will absolutely go to schools and work places. Also, I would need more information about the security of eating Ichthaid and whether it has its effective medical power to let people be health.<觉得总结得比上面攻击得有力得多。。。>

forevercocoUID: 149574

Argument38
提纲：
1，        这种新的疗法只是承诺会有作用，但不能确定
2，        East Meria的居民买了鱼不一定都吃了，而且不看医生不代表他们很健康
3，        就算不感冒也不一定去学校或工作的地方，有时感冒只是个借口
4，        吃Ichthaid不见得就能保持健康和减少缺勤，这个药物的安全性也值得怀疑
The short memo concludes that a daily use of Ichthaid, nutritional supplement derived form fish oil, is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To justify this conclusion the author justify the following reasons that people in East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, visit doctor rarely a year, and not getting colds can reduce absenteeism of school. However, careful consideration of these facts reveals that they fail to justify the author's conclusion.

In the first place, the innovative treatment just promise to significantly reduce absenteeism of schools and work places, but it cannot guarantee this result. And it is obvious that people who absent from schools and work places may not be fitted to this innovative treatment, even if they fit, they are also not likely to go to schools and work places if schools are not interested them or their boss cannot pay them normally.
[obvious的原因并没有说明。这一段其实分析了两个错误：1.这种营养品不一定可以起到他所承诺的效果；2.人们旷工/旷课的原因不一定是感冒。感觉这两个分开写好一些，这样子看起来有些乱]

In the second place, in East Meria, the author unfairly assumes that people seldom visit doctors is totally because the fish consumption is very high there. Perhaps people in East Meria who bought fish may not eat themselves but sale fish to other places. Perhaps they only visit doctor once or twice a year is because they do not have enough money to spend on medication, or some people get cold may not so serious to see a doctor, they kept pills for emergency. Since, the author has failed to rule out other possible explanations for this reducing absenteeim[absenteesim] thing, I remain uncomvience[unconvinced,这个注意一下拼写和用法] based on the evidence that poeple who eat fish are healthy.
[这一段对了EM的三个假设都很好，整个段落的层次也很好，学习中……~]

In the third place, the author said eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds and colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from schools and workplaces. Common sense informs me that people give colds as the reason for absences are just choose a alibi to explain their lazy mood. Although some people are really too sick to go to work, if they really want to work, then nothing can stop them. Hence, the author failed to establish the reasonable relationship between colds and the absences.
[eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds应该归到前面那段去更好些，colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from schools and workplaces这个的内容和B1有所重复了。
alibi这一点不够客观，不如就写 cold is the main reason for absence这点是没有根据的]

Finally, the mere fact that eat more fish can get healthy and less absence from schools and work places proves nothing about the daily use of Ichthaid. It is not clearly mentioned that the Health center and the fitted group of this medicien[medicine] already checked Ichthaid. Even if it is proved to be good, people who are healthy will not certainly go to schools or work places.
[这一段的说理不太明白]

In sum, the author fails to convince me to use Ichthaid as a way to be healthy and encourage people to go to work. To strengthen the argument, the author must provide clear evidence that in East Meria people who indeed eat fish to be health, and they do not visit doctor frequently is because they are healthy but not they are too poor or just do not want to visit.

To better assess this argument, I need to know that whether people do not go to schools or work places just because they get colds, and at the time when they recovered their illness, they will absolutely go to schools and work places. Also, I would need more information about the security of eating Ichthaid and whether it has its effective medical power to let people be health.
[最后两段的内容合并一下就可以，这样太罗嗦了]

[btw:感觉论述的过程思路不是很清晰，可能是因为提纲的关系。提纲完全是按照材料内容的顺序写得，但是忽略了其中的因果关系。这个文章的因果关系大概是这样的。
吃鱼----防止感冒----减少旷工/旷课   ---〉 吃鱼油也有一样的效果
可以反驳的地方有：
1.吃鱼不一定能防止感冒
2.假设1成立，防止感冒不一定能减少旷工/旷课，
3.假设2成立，鱼油可否可以达到同样的效果
这样子顺序就清楚一些了，写得时候也可以避免内容的重复]

[ 本帖最后由 forevercoco 于 2006-2-15 14:36 编辑 ]