ISSUE130 K战队作业2.14 by thumit

thumitUID: 2131186

TOPIC：ISSUE 130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

这题怎么这么难写啊！怎么写都觉得有点离题！看孙远的提纲，似乎就顾着谈education而忘了socialization了。大家怎么看？

提纲：
1、How children are socialized today 部分determines the destiny of society
2、也有其它因素决定着一个社会的未来
3、我们还是在如何培养能够带来更好社会的人上做的比较好的

The speaker asserts that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, and we don't know how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. I agree with the speaker in the point that children's socialization partly influences the future of society. However, there're also other important factors determining the destiny of society. Also I think that, to some extent, we have learned how to raise children leading to a better society.

Firstly, I concede that well-socialized children will help lead to a good society in the future. Children are the future of our society: one day they will be the main part of this society. Thus how children are developing today, socialization included, would influence the future of our society. Without sufficient opportunities for interaction with others, a child may probably turn passive, or even anti-society. Take a university student Ma Jiajue for example. He killed his roommates only because that they were not concerned with him, and even sometimes hurt his heart. How can we think that they would be the main part of future society?  On condition that they were well-socialized, that is, they knew the necessity of interaction with others, this tragedy would not have happened. From the example, we know that how children are socialized today is very important to the future of society.

Yet many factors, not only socialization, also influence the development of our society effectively. And of these factors, socialization may be not the most important. For example, Gandi's contribution to the independence of India lies in not his socialization with the India governor or the British officials, but his sticking to the conviction of his own heart.

As to the question that how to raise children who can bring about a better society, I think that nowadays people are performing very well. What is a better society? An informal answer may be, "All people lives better." Concretely, as I think, equality, individual rights, liberty, cooperation, peace are the most important criterions. As we all know, our society do developed well in these aspects: the public are much more conscious of the rights of Negroes and women than before; number of multinational companies, which may stand for the cooperation of countries, increased much; problems among countries are more likely to be solved in a peaceful way. All these show that our society does develop well. Much of these can be attributed to education.

In conclusion, it is true that the future of our society is partly determined by how children are socialized. Yet we do how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
(440 words)

[ 本帖最后由 thumit 于 2006-2-16 01:33 编辑 ]

于飞UID: 182859

迟到的修改，抱歉

The speaker asserts that how children are socialized today determines the destiny of society, and we don't know how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. I agree with the speaker in the point that children's socialization partly influences the future of society. However, there're also other important factors determining the destiny of society. Also I think that,改成 To some extent, I think we have learned how to raise children leading to a better society.

Firstly, I concede that well-socialized children will help lead to a good society in the future. Children are the future of our society: one day they will be the main part of this society. Thus how children are developing today, socialization included, would influence the future of our society. Without sufficient opportunities for interaction with others, a child may probably turn passive, or even anti-society. Take a university student Ma jiajue for example. He killed his roommates only because that they were not concerned with him, and even sometimes hurt his heart改成feeling. How can we think that they前面一直是单数包括举例时，我觉得改成this kind of children would be the main part of future society?  On condition that they were well-socialized, that is, they knew the necessity of interaction with others, this tragedy would not have happened. From the example, we know that how children are socialized today is very important to the future of society.这里你的例子只是针对各人品性的论断，我觉得要有你这个结论，你补充说社会上社交和与人沟通是很重要的这样一种论述会贴切一点

Yet many factors, not only socialization名词, also influence动词，平行结构这样不对吧 the development of our society effectively. And of these factors, socialization may be not the most important. For example, Gandi's contribution to the independence of India lies in not his socialization with the India governor or the British officials, but his sticking to the conviction of his own heart改成mind.
上面改了两处heart，我觉得换下表达好些
As to the question that how to raise children who can bring about a better society, I think that nowadays people are performing very well. What is a better society? An informal answer may be, "All people lives单复数 better." Concretely, as I think, equality, individual rights, liberty, cooperation, peace are the most important criterions. As we all know改成It’s known to us that, our society do developed这样表强调好象不对 well in these aspects: the public are much more conscious of the rights of Negroes and women than before; number of multinational companies, which may stand for the cooperation of countries, increased much; problems among countries are more likely to be solved in a peaceful way.既然采用排比，那么就要力求他们在句式上保持一致，否则就没有排比的气势了 All these show that our society does develop well. Much of these can be attributed to education.
这一段老是As…，这样会让阅卷人绝的你表达的匮乏，尽量换个说法
In conclusion, it is true that the future of our society is partly determined by how children are socialized. Yet we do是不是掉了个单词 how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
这篇文章我一直没写，因为觉得题目的复杂性太强，首先是社会化，那什么是社会化？家长，社会，媒体在这个过程中充当什么角色？为什么孩子社会化就会决定社会的命运？
第二点是家长的教育。家长不知道如何教育，那什么才是正确的教育？正确的教育又是为了发展孩子怎样的能力？有了这些能力孩子会怎样？
我们现在教育的弊端又是什么？（传统的礼教式教育，过分的提前培养，智力素质等同于全面素质的培养）
那么解决知道又是什么呢？
我一直不能把这些很有机的调节好，所以没动笔，也一并写给你，给你些新思路：）
另外，感觉你的文字突然错误多了些，估计是这篇文章的晦涩造成的吧

[ 本帖最后由 于飞 于 2006-2-16 21:50 编辑 ]

thumitUID: 2131186

嗯，谢谢于飞
这篇文章的问题太大了，实在是厚着脸皮把它贴上来的。还是发现了不少问题的：）谢谢于飞，我再考虑一下这些问题。这篇文章有必要好好想一想：）