argument145 hold-on 小组！！！欢迎光临

hepengmcUID: 203123

The notion shows that a study collected data indicates people who snore are more easily to gain weight, and also from a scientific perspective the author explains that a phenomenon among the snores called sleep apnea is the reason for their tire to do any exercise at daytime. Based on the evidence mentioned, the author recommends that the snores should eat less and do more exercise than normal people do. However, the conclusion masks other possible causes for exhaustion of the snores and the necessity for them to eat less. Moreover it may mislead some people to behave the way in which they are not appropriate to behave.

To begin with, the author recommends that all the people who snare should eat less because a data show that they are more easily to gain weight. However, the data itself is problematic for it can provide no more evidence to show that there is a real possibility existing among the snores. It quite possible that people who snore are easily to get weight just because they have a irregular eating habit, or their family are taking the gene of fat. If so, these people are absolutely easier to gain weight than normal ones even if they were not snoring. Moreover, if the data, to some extent, can show that people who snore are more easily to gain weight, it also inappropriate to recommend all the snores to decrease their food supply. Suppose a person who snores has anorexia. if the person, as the author advised, eat less food as he usually does, may not get enough nutrition and energy sustained for his life from his eating veryday.

The author also considers snore is the reason for these people who are too tired to exercise at daytime. In fact, in today’s society, people are suffering more and more pressures, which, as a result, are easily to cause people some sleeping problems such as wake at night. And it quite possible that many people who snore do little exercise at daytime just because they are not attracted to sports and exercise, instead they’d rather stay at home watching tv shows or read some books. Without considering all these possibilities, the author’s evidence greatly weakens his recommendation.

As  the similar situation mentioned in the second paragraph, the author recommends that all the snores should do more exercise. even if there is a relationship between snoring and physical tire, it is not necessary for all people who snore to do so. Taken a person who snore is a handicapped for example, to ask the person to add his exercise at daytime is undoubtedly a unwanted burden on his body. moreover, when it comes to a person who has heart disease, doing more exercise is equal to risking his own life.

In general, the argumentation for all people who snore to eat less and do more exercise is not justified. To better strengthen the recommendation the author should provide clear evidence that all the all the snores have the necessity to decrease the eating and exercise more at daytime, and also should the author find more information to show there is a casual relationship between snore and physical exhaust. To better assess the author ‘s recommendation, we need still need more information about the data.

[ 本帖最后由 staralways 于 2006-2-21 23:48 编辑 ]

yun520cnUID: 2116603

加油

whitemummyUID: 2166380

The notion shows that (a study collected data indicates,去掉是否会好一点，读起来不顺) people who snore are more easily to gain weight, and also from a scientific perspective the author explains that a phenomenon (among the snores->during snoring) called sleep apnea is the reason for their tire to do any exercise at daytime. （这句话总体上读起来有点怪怪的味道，不太自然！是否应该改一下？）Based on the evidence mentioned, the author recommends that （the snores，是否可以表示打鼾者？->snorers） should eat less and (do more exercise->exercise more,虽然重复原话，不过始终要简练一些) than normal people do. However, the conclusion masks other possible causes for exhaustion of the (snores->snorers) and the necessity for them to eat less(遮掩了他们少吃的必要性？？这里需要一个动词，否则就只能是前面的mask了，意思上不对). Moreover it may mislead some people to behave the way in which they are not appropriate to behave.

To begin with, the author recommends that all the people who (snare->snore) should eat less because a data show that they are more easily to gain weight. However, the data itself is problematic for it (can provide->provides) no more evidence to show that there is a real possibility existing among the (snores->snorers). It (is) quite possible that people who snore are easily to get weight just because they have (a->an) irregular eating habit, or their family are taking the gene of fat. If so, these people are absolutely easier to gain weight than normal ones even if they (were not snoring->never snore). Moreover, if the data, to some extent, can show that people who snore are more easily to gain weight, it (is,为什么每次丢了这个词？) also inappropriate to recommend all the (snores->snorers) to decrease their food supply. Suppose a person who snores has anorexia. If the person, as the author advised, (eat->eats) less food as he usually does, (he) may not get enough nutrition and energy sustained for his life from (his eating->what he eats everyday).

The author also considers snore is the reason (for these people who are too tired to exercise at daytime->for people’s weight gaining, as they are too tired to exercise at daytime??好像这样改也不对，是否应该为consider snore as the main reason which results in the tire of people??). In fact, in today’s society, people are suffering more and more pressures, which, as a result, are easily to cause people （some去掉） sleeping problems such as (wake->waking) at night. And it (is) quite possible that many people who snore do little exercise at daytime just because they are not attracted to sports and exercise, instead they’d rather stay at home watching tv shows or read some books. Without considering all these possibilities, the author’s evidence greatly weakens his recommendation.

As the similar situation mentioned in the second paragraph, the author recommends that all the (snores->snorers) should do more exercise. Even if there is a relationship between snoring and physical tire, it is not necessary for all people who snore to do so. Taken (a person who snore is a handicapped确认一下这里，我觉得只能是一个名词，或名词短语，不知道句子是否合适) for example, to ask the person to （add his exercise，太汉语化了吧？） at daytime is undoubtedly a unwanted burden on his body. （Moreover，开头大写）, when it comes to a person who has heart disease, doing more exercise is equal to risking his own life.

In general, the argumentation for all people who snore to eat less and do more exercise is not justified. To better strengthen the recommendation the author should provide clear evidence that （all the去掉） all the (snores->snorers) have the necessity to (decrease the eating??) and exercise more at daytime, and also should the author find more information to show there is a casual relationship between snore and physical exhaust. To better assess the author‘s recommendation, we （need去掉） still need more information about the data.

写的挺好的，就是语法上有点大意，出现了一些拼写错误，另外有些句子太费解，还有一些用词有点中国式英语。
总体上还是不错的，特别是如果你已经限时了的话！加油加油啊~~

[ 本帖最后由 whitemummy 于 2006-2-22 19:53 编辑 ]

passionUID: 2115168

argument145我也发一篇
WORDS: 365          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-2-23

In this memo, the arguer recommends that anyone who snores should try to eat less than average person and exercise more in order to get rid of overweight. To justify it, the arguer cites the study showing the relationship between snoring and getting weight. There is also other evidence being used to convince us that getting weight is due to snoring. However, the recommendation relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it as it stands.

Firstly, the reliability of the study rests on its statistical integrity. The argument fails to indicate what proportion of people who snore and are overweight surveyed actually responded; the smaller the proportion is, the less reliable the results. Nor does the argument indicate how many people were studied, or whether the sample was representative. Lacking evidence of an available sample, the author can't justifiably rely on the study to draw any conclusion whatsoever.

Secondly, the argument also assumes unfairly that snoring will lead gaining weight because the sleep apnea makes them feel so tired that they have little energy to do exercise. However, the actual reason of gaining weight may have little to do with less exercise. As we known, getting weight may involve in many factors, such as genetics, working press, living style, or dietary, and less exercise may merely effect some overweighters while other reasons are more significant for the other people. Even if the less exercise does lead to gaining weight, the phenomenon of sleep apnea can't convincingly dedicate that it will has something to do with less exercise.

Finally, there may be an overturn between snoring and gaining weight. The arguer points out the people who snore are most likely to gain weight and consequently, snoring is put up to be the most possible reason. Newly developed scientific investigation and the common recognize tell us reverse cause-and-effect relationships between them---the people who gain weight are more likely to snore.

To sum up, that scant evidence and the unfairly assumptions the arguer cites for explaining the phenomenon lead to its unreliability. To booster the argument, more convincing evidence that shows us the full-scale reasons of gaining weight and the role of snoring in gaining weight should be provided.