argument117 【kito临考限时之作】求拍~~

kito9695UID: 209685

TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS: 512        TIME: 上午 12:30:00          DATE: 2006-2-24

Having unduly relied on a series of fallacious reasoning without considering other possible alternatives, the arguer unfairly believes that, however, a careful scrutiny reveals several illogical points as follow, which, to my viewpoints, make the argument unfounded and dubious.

First and foremost, the arguer takes it for granted that there will be a surely tend that people are more likely to work at home, which could not absolutely convince me. No evidence about the sample of the survey is provided. What is the total number of people who took the survey? Are they representative enough-that is to say, are they at various ages and different sex or working place? Given, for example, they are all writers whose work is just writhing something, they of course are required to take there work home. The scenario mentioned above, if true, would consequently serve to distract the validity from the survey, and there fore lends little support to what the arguer claims.

Second, even if I concede that there will be a trend of work-at-home, it is presumptuous to believe that the demand of office machines will follow to rise. So do working supplies. A probable possibility is that people only need computers when they are working at home. No evidence indicates, they need a copy machine, paper shredders, and fax machines or there is a lack of paper, pens, and staplers. Even they may in fact have already holds these things in there home. In this sense, it is natural that the home workers will still not buy and things related to office work from Valu-Mart. Accordingly, to substantiate the argument, the arguer should provide more evidence showing that the survey is valid and thorough.

In addition, the argument is weaken for the arguer treat the correlative relationship between the demand of office machines or supplies and an increasing profit, which is actually not the case. Many factors may contribute to the Valu-Mart office-supply department, such as the cost, competitions and the like. In fact, it is entirely possible that there have already been many the same stores selling office machines or office supplies, so people may not only go to Valu-Mart; it may even, for example be a A-Mart which is famous for selling such things with a big discount, so that Valu-Mart could not attract customers any more. Under this circumstance, the assertion that Valu-Mart would earn a big profit will not convince me very much.

We may also ask, will the large amount of stores take up too much money so that increase the cost of offices things to sell? Or will this trend of increasing work-at-home continue for a long time, or just one or two years? We just don’t know. Unless ruling out such possibilities, the consideration of investing to increase stock of home office things does not mean be a wise practice.

In conclusion, a more complete understanding about demand, cost and market of home office things must be provided. The arguer fails to do that, and thus make the argument no cogent and well- articulated as it stands.

jingjingtousUID: 2164820

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS: 512        TIME: 上午 12:30:00          DATE: 2006-2-24

Having unduly relied on a series of fallacious reasoning without considering other possible alternatives, the arguer unfairly believes that后面应该概括一下作者的结论对吗？, however, a careful scrutiny reveals several illogical points as follow, which, to my viewpoints,去掉，这不是issue老大，是驳论不是立论 make the argument unfounded and dubious.开头写的不好，这是你固定的模板了吗？建议改一下，不要用太多的插入语这样只能使你的论点更加模糊

First and foremost, the arguer takes it for granted that there will be a surely tend that people are more likely to work at home, which could not absolutely convince me.按我的理解这句好像与原文有些冲突，be required to take more work at home 和more likely to work at home好像不一样吧？ No detailed evidence about the sample of the survey is provided. What is the total number of people who took the survey? Are they representative enough-that is to say, are they at various ages and different sex or working place?are they representative the overall population of distinct occupations? Given, for example, they are all writers whose work is are just writhing writing something, they are of course required to take there more work home. The scenario mentioned above, if true, would consequently serve to distractundermine the validity fromof the survey, and therefore lends little support to what the arguer claims.

Second, even if I concede that去掉 there will be is a trend of work-at-home, it is presumptuous to believeconclude that the demand of office machines and other supplies will follow to rise. So do working supplies.可以不要了 A probable 去掉，怎么能犯这种错误？ possibility is that people only need computers when they are working at home. No evidence indicates, they need a copy machine, paper shredders, and fax machines or there is a lack of paper, pens, and staplers.从论证角度看，没有必要去假设他们只需要电脑，应该直接说他们可能已经具有copy machine, paper,pens等常用的物品 Even they may in fact have already holds these things in there home. In this sense, it is natural that the home workers will still not buy and things 改成products related to office work from Valu-Mart. Accordingly, to substantiate the argument, the arguer should provide more evidence showing that the survey is valid and thorough.这段的结尾句明显错误，因为你在上面一段已经攻击了survey 的可信度，这里说的应该是作者对家用办公产品增加的需求的假设groundless，你在斟酌一下

In addition, the argument is weaken for the arguer treat the correlative relationship between the demand of office machines or supplies去掉 and an increasing profit, which is actually not the case.不要用定从，另起一句 Many factors may contribute to the Valu-Mart office-supply department,用affect,如果你非要用contribute请说明对象－the unimpressive sales in the past such as the cost, competitionsuncompetitive price, poor quality of products and management, ineffective adertisement campaign等等，这里应该说的具体些 and the like. In fact, it is entirely possible that there have already been many the same storescompetitors selling office machines or office supplies which are better and cheaper than those of M, so people may not only go to choose Valu-Mart; it may even, for example be a A-Mart which is famous for selling such things with a big discount, so that Valu-Mart could not attract customers any more. Under this circumstance, the assertion that Valu-Mart would earn a big profit will not convince me very much.这段论证角度很好，alternative explanations 也不错，只是有些地方的论证应该再具体些

We may also ask, will the large amount of stores take up too much money so that increase the cost of offices things to sell?意思表达的不对，We also suspect that whether the increasing costs for stocking would offset the additional revenue earned the Valu-Mart Or will this trend of increasing work-at-home continue for a long time, or just one or two years? We just don’t know.The author fails to inform us Unless ruling out such possibilities, the consideration of investing to increase stock of home office things does not mean be a wise practice.wise and effective strategy

In conclusion, a more complete understanding about demand, cost and market of home office things must be provided. The arguer fails to doconsider that, and thus make the argument nonot cogent and well- articulated as it stands.

kito要加油了，不过限时写的，难免有些小错误，我当时比你错误还多呢。基本的论证思路很好也很有条理，只是在语言的表达上有一些问题，还有避免太多的断句，不要盲从老外（他们的断句不是随意更不是把文章复杂化而用的，总之，继续努力，相信你一定行的，呵呵^_^

[ 本帖最后由 jingjingtous 于 2006-2-24 16:33 编辑 ]

kito9695UID: 209685

哇，伤痕累累~~我要好好研究啦~~谢谢jingjing

kito9695UID: 209685

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS: 609        TIME: 上午 12:30:00          DATE: 2006-2-24

Having unduly relied on a series of fallacious reasoning without considering other possible alternatives, the arguer unfairly believes that the office-supply departments of Valu-Mart will become most profitable due to only one possible trend. A careful scrutiny reveals several illogical points as follows, which lead his conclusion actually unfounded.

First and foremost, the arguer takes it for granted that there will surely be a tend that people are more required to work at home, which could not absolutely convince me. The survey provided in the argument could not thoroughly demonstrate the point. Primarily, no detailed evidence about survey is provided. For example, who conducted the survey? When and how it was conducted? Can the respondents be representative of the whole population who are required to take more work home-that is to say, are they at various ages and different gender or working place? Do they represent the overall population of distinct occupations? Given, for example, they are all writers whose work is just writing something, they are of course required to take more work home. As a consequence, to substantiate the assumption, the arguer should provide more evidence showing that the survey is valid and thorough.

Second, even if I concede that there will be is a trend of work-at-home, it is presumptuous to conclude that the demand of office machines and other supplies will follow to rise. No evidence indicates they need a copy machine, paper shredders, and fax machines or there is a lack of paper, pens, and staplers. They may only need a computer, or even worse, they may in fact have already holds these things in their home. In this sense, it is natural that the home workers will still not buy products related to office work from any such stores including Valu-Mart. Accordingly, before a further investigation about the exact demand of office machines and supplies, any of these scenarios, if true, would lend little support to what the arguer supports.

In addition, the argument is weakened for the arguer treat the correlative relationship between the demand of office machines and an increasing profit as causation. However, it is not necessarily the case. A of factors may contribute to the profit of Valu-Mart office-supply department, such as low-cost, high-quality, effective advertising campaign and so forth.  In fact, it is entirely possible that there have already been many competitors selling office machines or supplies which are better and cheaper than those of M, so people may not only go to choose Valu-Mart; There may even, for example be a A-Mart which is famous for selling such things with a big discount, so that Valu-Mart could not attract customers any more. Under this circumstance, the assertion that Valu-Mart would earn a big profit will not convince me very much.

We may also ask, will the additional revenue be enough to offset the large amount of cost used for stocking? As we know stocking fee accounts for a large ration of total costs, which, if increased, would affect the profit to a large extent. [想表达很大程度上，能这么说么？] Or will this trend of increasing work-at-home last for a long time, or just one or two years? The author fails to inform us. Unless ruling out such possibilities, the consideration of investing to increase stock of home office things does not mean be a wise and effective strategy.

In conclusion, a more complete understanding about demand, cost and market of home office things must be provided. The arguer fails to do that, and thus make the argument not cogent and well- articulated as it stands.

kito9695UID: 209685

发现A要想写好些细得用很多字啊，可是这样限时完不成呢，怎么办阿？现在I限时成功了，A反而不行了~~

yogurt4UID: 198389

努力写完
实在不行,结尾就用To sum up, this argument is ....就一句话结尾
常使用的攻击句型要非常熟悉

kito9695UID: 209685

还有I剩三天了，更觉得无法提高了~~语言句子都平平阿~~呜呜怎么办那

我现在都不怎么管I了，除了高频提纲和例子记一记，保证限时之外，就把时间都用在A上了。实在不知道怎么折腾I了，请教斑斑？

[ 本帖最后由 kito9695 于 2006-2-24 23:40 编辑 ]