argument48 sally 小组 Corpora居民身体健康问题2 月26的作业

weiweizhuUID: 179352

题目：ARGUMENT 48 - The following appeared in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora.

"Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does."
字数：552          用时：0:30:00          日期：2006-2-27

The assertion that fitness levels will improve when the economy boost in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora is somewhat misleading. Even the write cites the evidence that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit compared to the rate of half twenty years ago suggest the decline of citizen health. Additionally, he excludes the cause of computer and argues that unusually low expenditures on fitness related products cause by economy deflation is the true factor lead to decline of fitness. The article still content several flaws make it unconvincing.

In the first place, the health condition of citizens of Corpora is open to question. Although proportion of meet-standard people falls, the state cannot convince us that the health condition of citizens really decline. It is possible that the standards for adequate physical fitness are re-design to a much high lever, leading the fitness proportion falls down. If the level remains the same, the percentage of fitness people may increase rather than decline. It is equally possible that large immigrant with low fitness level crowded into the Corpora, making the population of Corpora augment sharply was well as the unfitness rate. Without ruling out these possibilities, the writer cannot prove that the citizens of Corpora become unhealthy during the twenty years.

What is more, granted that the fitness level of citizens in Corpora really get worse, the writer cannot exclude the cause of computers even regions with highest  fitness level are also have highest computer ownership. Probably those with highest fitness level are those do not own computers. Or it is likely that those with highest fitness level are those who formally are better healthy than average and more fond of exercise. If they do not purchase computers, they may reach a much higher fitness level. Since the writer does not consider such situation, simply claiming that using computers has not made citizens less physically fitness is totally ungrounded.

Finally, even computer using may be not the truth causes contribute to the decline fitness, the writer cannot not guarantee that it is the flag economy other  than anything else that result in the decline fitness levels. For the other thing, low expenditures on fitness-related goods in only one year have no relationship with economy. It is quite possible that citizens prefer outdoor exercise such as climbing mountains and running that do not require expenditure on fitness-related products. And in addition, only one year's low expenditures cannot represent the situation during twenty years. May be besides this year, all the other years enjoy an increase of sales. For the other thing, the writer ignores some other factors that may lead to deterioration of health, such as the diet habit and the air or water pollution of the country are responsible for the bad health lever. Failing to take this or other possible factors into account, the writer cannot not convince us that economic stagnation should be respondent to the decline of citizens health.

To sum up, the article is unpersuasive as it stands. To substantiate it, the writer should provide details information of the fitness level of citizens in Corpora. To better access it, we should get more evidences to confirm that it is the economy rather than computer or others that contribute to the decline of citizens’ fitness.

[ 本帖最后由 yogurt4 于 2006-2-27 21:41 编辑 ]

小室黄瓜UID: 2155213

argument48 sally 小组 Corpora居民身体健康问题2 月26的作业

题目：ARGUMENT 48 - The following appeared in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora.

"Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does."
字数：552          用时：0:30:00          日期：2006-2-27

The assertion that fitness levels will improve when the economy boost in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora is somewhat misleading. Even the write cites the evidence that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit compared to the rate of half twenty years ago suggest the decline of citizen health. Additionally, he excludes the cause of computer and argues that unusually low expenditures on fitness related products cause by economy deflation is the true factor lead to decline of fitness. The article still content several flaws（which） make it unconvincing.（开头不错）

In the first place, the health condition of citizens of Corpora is open to question. Although proportion of meet-standard people falls, the state cannot convince us that the health condition of citizens really decline. It is possible that the standards for adequate physical fitness are re-design to a much high（er） lever, (leading the fitness proportion falls down.)contributing to the falls of fitness propotion) If the level remains the same, the percentage of fitness people may increase rather than decline. It is equally possible that large immigrant with low fitness level crowded into the Corpora, making the population of Corpora augment sharply was well as the unfitness rate. Without ruling out these possibilities, the writer cannot prove that the citizens of Corpora become unhealthy during the twenty years.

What is more, granted that the fitness level of citizens in Corpora really get worse, the writer cannot exclude the cause of computers even regions with highest  fitness level are (去掉are) also have highest computer ownership. Probably those (the regions ) with highest fitness level are those do not own computers. Or it is likely that those with highest fitness level are those(重复的出现就显得不合适了) who formally are better healthy（应该用比较级） than average and more fond of exercise. If they do not purchase computers, they may reach a much higher fitness level. Since the writer does not consider such situation, simply claiming that using computers has not made citizens less physically fitness is totally ungrounded.分析的有道理！

Finally, even computer using may be not the truth（名词能做定语）） causes contribute to the decline fitness, the writer cannot not guarantee that it is the flag economy other  than anything else that result in the decline fitness levels. For the other thing, low expenditures on fitness-related goods in only one year have no relationship with economy. It is quite possible that citizens prefer outdoor exercise such as climbing mountains and running that do not require expenditure on fitness-related products. And in addition, only one year's low expenditures cannot represent the situation during twenty years. May be besides this year, all the other years enjoy an increase of sales. For the other thing, the writer ignores some other factors that may lead to deterioration of health, such as the diet habit and the air or water pollution of the country are responsible for the bad health lever. Failing to take this or other possible factors into account, the writer cannot not convince us that economic stagnation should be respondent to the decline of citizens health.

To sum up, the article is unpersuasive as it stands. To substantiate it, the writer should provide details information of the fitness level of citizens in Corpora. To better access it, we should get more evidences to confirm that it is the economy rather than computer or others that contribute to the decline of citizens’ fitness.
阿狗思路清晰，开头结尾都很不错，问题还是句子和词语。

[ 本帖最后由 小室黄瓜 于 2006-3-1 06:45 编辑 ]

yogurt4UID: 198389

lz,注意一下发贴格式,请看置顶NEEDLE的帖子,谢谢:)

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

argument48 sally 小组 Corpora居民身体健康问题2 月26的作业

题目：ARGUMENT 48 - The following appeared in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora.

"Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does."
字数：552          用时：0:30:00          日期：2006-2-27

The assertion that fitness levels will improve when the economy boost in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora is somewhat misleading. Even the write cites the evidence that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit compared to the rate of half twenty years ago suggest the decline of citizen health. Additionally, he excludes the cause of computer and argues that unusually low expenditures on fitness related products cause by economy deflation is the true factor lead to decline of fitness. The article still content several flaws make it unconvincing.
句子之间的连贯不好，不流畅。

In the first place, the health condition of citizens of Corpora is open to question. Although proportion of meet-standard people falls, the state cannot convince us that the health condition of citizens really decline. It is possible that the standards for adequate physical fitness are re-design to a much high lever, leading the fitness proportion falls down. If the level remains the same, the percentage of fitness people may increase rather than decline. It is equally possible that large immigrant with low fitness level crowded into the Corpora, making the population of Corpora augment sharply was well as the unfitness rate. Without ruling out these possibilities, the writer cannot prove that the citizens of Corpora become unhealthy during the twenty years.
不错，分析简单明了（呵呵，我也知道自己的错误了）

What is more, granted that the fitness level of citizens in Corpora really get worse, the writer cannot exclude the cause of computers even regions with highest  fitness level are also have highest computer ownership. Probably those with highest fitness level are those do not own computers. Or it is likely that those with highest fitness level are those who formally are better healthy than average and more fond of exercise. If they do not purchase computers, they may reach a much higher fitness level. Since the writer does not consider such situation, simply claiming that using computers has not made citizens less physically fitness is totally ungrounded.
我觉得这里加上攻击使用电脑的时间更合适。

Finally, even computer using may be not the truth causes contribute to the decline fitness, the writer cannot not guarantee that it is the exclusively contribute poor health to flag economy other  than anything else that result in the decline fitness levels. For the other thing, low expenditures on fitness-related goods in only one year have no relationship with economy. It is quite possible that citizens prefer outdoor exercise such as climbing mountains and running that do not require expenditure on fitness-related products. And in addition, only one year's low expenditures cannot represent the situation during twenty years. May be besides this year, all the other years enjoy an increase of sales. For the other thing, the writer ignores some other factors that may lead to deterioration of health, such as the diet habit and the air or water pollution of the country are responsible for the bad health lever. Failing to take this or other possible factors into account, the writer cannot not convince us that economic stagnation should be respondent to the decline of citizens health.
详细全面，赞~！但还是连贯较茶

To sum up, the article is unpersuasive as it stands. To substantiate it, the writer should provide details information of the fitness level of citizens in Corpora. To better access it, we should get more evidences to confirm that it is the economy rather than computer or others that contribute to the decline of citizens’ fitness.

总的结构很好，分析也不错，限时写粗来真不错，（字树完全够了）．句子再加强会更好，有些表达不地道。由于事情比较多，语法句子部分没有详细修改，望见谅