argument147 拍吧，我的第一篇

windyabitUID: 2192464

没有记时间，第一篇，最好多指出点问题来，谢谢
In this analysis, the arguer attempts to convince us the fact that the sales of Whirlwind video will increase in the next few months, which is mainly base on the results of the survey about the required features of video games. As it stands, the argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

First of all, the arguer fail to take into the account of other reasons why the sales of Whirlwind's video game descend, instead of merely constructing a survey about what is the most important property to his products. As we known, the sales may depend on lots of factors, such as economy inflation, the product life circle, the new authority policy, and maybe other considerations of consumers. However, the survey leaded by Whirlwind Company has covers only one aspects of the products, which is thought to be the lifelike graphics. Even though Whirlwind Company has introduced such games which has been provided by lifelike graphics, as is the truth, the most important property can't lead to the great advance in sales without the benefit and consideration of other factors.

Second, the arguer fails to analyze the statistical reliability of sample group of video enthusiasts. Once we begin to do statistical analysis, one important assumption is that the sample group can be representative to the overall population. So whether or not the 10 to 25 years old people can represent the population of video players seems to a big problem. For this matter, if population of video enthusiasts not only contains the 10 to 25 years old people but also some other older people in it, the statistical results of the survey must be unbelievable and doubtful.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend great support to what the arguer maintains and the assumption of the conducted survey need to be reconsidered. To discover the real reason of descendent sales, we would need some more comprehensive considerations of the current situation.

小猪喝水UID: 2165004

argument147 拍吧，我的第一篇

没有记时间，第一篇，最好多指出点问题来，谢谢
In this analysis, the arguer attempts to convince us the fact that the sales of Whirlwind video will increase in the next few months, which is mainly base on the results of the survey about the required features of video games. As it stands, the argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

First of all, the arguer fail to take into the account of other reasons why the sales of Whirlwind's video game descend, instead of merely constructing a survey about what is the most important property to his products. As we known, the sales may depend on lots of factors, such as economy inflation, the product life circle, the new authority policy, and maybe other considerations of consumers. However, the survey leaded by Whirlwind Company has covers only one aspects of the products, which is thought to be the lifelike graphics. Even though Whirlwind Company has introduced such games which has been provided by lifelike graphics, as is the truth, the most important property can't lead to the great advance in sales without the benefit and consideration of other factors.

Second, the arguer fails to analyze the statistical reliability of sample group of video enthusiasts. Once we begin to do statistical analysis, one important assumption is that the sample group can be representative to the overall population. So whether or not the 10 to 25 years old people can represent the population of video players seems to a big problem. For this matter, if population of video enthusiasts not only contains the 10 to 25 years old people but also some other older people in it, the statistical results of the survey must be unbelievable and doubtful.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend great support to what the arguer maintains and the assumption of the conducted survey need to be reconsidered. To discover the real reason of descendent sales, we would need some more comprehensive considerations of the current situation.

最大的问题就是论证的那两段没有紧密的联系起来 最好要层层刨析
然后就是找的问题有点少，最好详细论述3个，在省略的点出几个

561kingUID: 202334

argument147 拍吧，我的第一篇

没有记时间，第一篇，最好多指出点问题来，谢谢
In this analysis, the arguer attempts to convince us the fact that the sales of Whirlwind video will increase in the next few months, which is mainly base on[be base on ?] the results of the survey about the required features of video games. As it stands, the argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

First of all, the arguer fail to take into the account [take something into account]of other reasons why the sales of Whirlwind's video game descend, instead of merely constructing a survey about what is the most important property to his products. As we known, the sales may depend on lots of factors, such as economya inflation, the product life circle, the new authority policy, and maybe[maybe 去掉吧] other considerations of consumers. However, the survey leaded by Whirlwind Company has covers only one aspects of the products, which is thought to be the lifelike graphics. Even though Whirlwind Company has introduced such games which has been provided by lifelike graphics, as is the truth, the most important property can't lead to the great advance in sales without the benefit and consideration of other factors. [展开了论述,写的比我好...]

Second, the arguer fails to analyze the statistical reliability of sample group of video enthusiasts. Once we begin to do statistical analysis, one important assumption is that the sample group can be representative to[of] the overall population. So whether or not[or not 去掉] the 10 to 25 years old people can represent the population of video players [or not] seems to [be]a big problem. For this matter, if population of video enthusiasts not only contains the 10 to 25 years old people but also some other older people in it, the statistical results of the survey must be unbelievable and doubtful.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend great support to what the arguer maintains and the assumption of the conducted survey need to be reconsidered. To discover the real reason of descendent sales, we would need some more comprehensive considerations of the current situation.

批叛点少了点!!!
觉得有些语法的小问题