argument109 第一次发帖子,谢谢各位支持~

monica612UID: 207359

The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Maple City newspaper.
"Twenty years ago Pine City established strict laws designed to limit the number of new buildings that could be constructed in the city. Since that time the average housing prices in Pine City have increased considerably. Chestnut City, which is about the same size as Pine City, has over the past twenty years experienced an increase in average housing prices similar to Pine City, but Chestnut City never established any laws that limit new building construction. So it is clear that laws limiting new construction have no effect on average housing prices. So if Maple City were to establish strict laws that limit new building construction, these laws will have no effect on average housing prices."

In this argument, the author reaches a conclusion that Maple City do not need to establish strict law that limit new building construction because these laws would have no effect on average housing price. To justify this conclusion, the author cites a comparison between Pine City which established strict laws which limited the number of new buildings that could be constructed and Chestnut City which did not establish such a law. A close scrutiny of this argument could reveals several flaws from these letter.

  First of all, the author takes for granted that except the restrict law, the two cities- Pine City and Chestnut City, are completely similar and therefore the increase in average housing prices of both cites indicates that this law has no effect on average housing prices. Many other more important facts such as location, economic development, different living standard and climate of the cities might all contribute to the price of housing. It is entirely possible that Chestnut is a highly developed city where a large number of companies, supermarket, parks located there and convenient transportation and each square inch of this city has greater value than that of Pine City. The price in Chestnut is also increasing even though it does not establish this law. The mere fact that Chestnut is about the same size as Pine City provide insufficient evidence to assumption. Moreover, this comparison based on statistics since twenty years ago, and no information is provided for the recent year, and thus this conclusion is unreliable.

   Secondly, the evidence provided in this letter that the average housing prices in Pine City have "increased considerably" and Chestnut City experienced an "increase" is too vague to draw any persuadable conclusion. Perhaps average price in Pine City increased much more than that of Chestnut City. Or perhaps, the price in PC is three times higher than that of CC even if the average price of CC is slightly increasing now. If either is true, the conclusion that the law has little effect is wrong. Without accurate statistical information to explain the housing price and to what extent the average price increased in each of two cities. The author cannot justifiable that laws limiting new construction have no effect on average housing prices.

  Thirdly, the author makes a false analogy between Maple City and the two. Perhaps MC is city famous for it landscaping or natural parks. Or perhaps MC already has a large density of house and therefore causing many troubles for this city such as traffic jam and air pollution due to the inadequate plants. If so, establishing strict law that limit new building construction is in urgent need.

  To sum up, this conclusion in this letter is unconvincing as it stands. To strength this conclusion, the author should provide more evidence that PC, CC and MC are similar in all aspects and statistical information that increase in PC is as much as that of CC, or even less. To better evaluate this letter, we should take the future into account.

sxh525UID: 2187957

The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Maple City newspaper.
"Twenty years ago Pine City established strict laws designed to limit the number of new buildings that could be constructed in the city. Since that time the average housing prices in Pine City have increased considerably. Chestnut City, which is about the same size as Pine City, has over the past twenty years experienced an increase in average housing prices similar to Pine City, but Chestnut City never established any laws that limit new building construction. So it is clear that laws limiting new construction have no effect on average housing prices. So if Maple City were to establish strict laws that limit new building construction, these laws will have no effect on average housing prices."

In this argument, the author reaches a conclusion that Maple City do not need （这里直接 need not 就可以了） to establish strict laws that limit new building construction 把that从句改为后置定语，可能会好点，because these laws would have no effects on average housing prices. To justify this conclusion, the author cites a comparison between Pine City which established strict laws which limited the number of new buildings 此处，连用两个定语从句显得结构单一，改为后置定语好that could be constructed and Chestnut City which did not establish such a law. 此处累重复“law”，用代词替换比较好A close scrutiny of this argument could reveals several flaws from these letter.

第一段总的逻辑是比较清晰的，只是句子结构相对单一，语言不够简练。

  First of all, the author takes for granted that except the restrict law, the two cities- Pine City and Chestnut City, are completely similar and therefore the increase in average housing prices of both cities indicates that this law has no effect on average housing prices. Many other more important facts such as location, economic development, different living standard and climate of the cities might all contribute to the price of housing. 总觉得price和prices老混在一起，统一起来会比较好It is entirely possible that Chestnut is a highly developed city where a large number of companies, supermarket, parks located there and convenient transportation and each square inch of this city has greater value than that of Pine City. The price in Chestnut is also increasing even though it does not establish this law.此处的this law 显得指代不明。 The mere fact that Chestnut is about the same size as Pine City provides insufficient evidence to the assumption. Moreover, this comparison based on thestatistics since twenty years ago, and no information is provided for the recent year, and thus this conclusion is unreliable.（用了太多“and”，可以考虑用别的词，如“without,moreover等”）

第二段的论据充分，逻辑清晰，缺点同第一段

   Secondly, the evidence provided in this letter that the average housing prices in Pine City have "increased considerably" and Chestnut City experienced an "increase" is too vague to draw any persuadable conclusion. Perhaps theaverage price in Pine City increased 时态最好用现在时，不然前后不一致much more than that of Chestnut City. Or perhaps, the price in PC is three times higher than that of CC even if the average price of CC is slightly increasing now. If either is true, the conclusion that the law has little effect is wrong. Without accurate statistical information to explain the housing price and to what extent the average price increased in each of thetwo cities. The author cannot justifiable此处应该为动词 that laws limiting new construction have no effect on average housing prices.

注意冠词的使用。发现经常少冠词

  Thirdly, the author makes a false analogy between Maple City and the two.此处TS应该说得具体一点，不然等于没说 Perhaps MC is acity famous for its landscaping or natural parks. Or perhaps MC already has a large density of house and therefore causing many troubles for this city such as traffic jam and air pollution 前面做主语，应该加关系代词，that or whichdue to the inadequate plants. If so, establishing strict law that limit new building construction is in urgent need.

语法和冠词的问题比较严重，不知道是不是漏打了

  To sum up, this conclusion in this letter is unconvincing as it stands. To strength this conclusion, the author should provide more evidence that PC, CC and MC are similar in all aspects and 这里加个动词好点statistical information that increase in PC is as much as that of CC, or even less. To better evaluate this letter, we should take the future into account.此处若有时间，可以再详细一点

总的来说，这是一片逻辑清晰，有条理的文章。但是语言基础较薄弱，语法和冠词的错误较多，影响了总体的感觉。

若我评得有不对的地方希望多交流。

PS：请也帮改改作文，呵呵 谢谢
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