argument42 各位帮忙拍砖吧

vickeyyyUID: 2106179

The following appeared in a proposal from the economic minister of the country of Paraterra.

"In order to strengthen its lagging economy, last year the government of the nearby country of Bellagea began an advertising campaign to promote ecologically sound tourism (ecotourism). This year the number of foreign visitors arriving at Bellagea's main airport doubled, and per capita income in Bellagea increased by ten percent. To provide more income for the population of Paraterra and also preserve the natural environment of our tiny country, we too should begin to promote ecotourism. To ensure that our advertising campaign is successful, we should hire the current director of Bellagea's National Tourism Office as a consultant for the campaign."


1.机场的外国游客增加以及人均收入增加不一定是生态旅游带来的
2.就算生态旅游可以促进经济，但是说她能保护环境是没有根据的
3. 就算bellagea能成功， 不代表paraterra 也能成功
4.就paraterra也应该开展生态旅游，不代表那个director 是唯一最好的选择

互拍互拍，共同进步呀


It is obvious that the economic minister of Paraterra is eager to show the public a potential solution-promoting ecotourism- for prosperous future. Before the encouraging expectation, the speaker, however, commits several flaws which render his proposal unpersuasive and unfeasible, as follows:

In the first place, the speaker contributes the increasing of foreign visitors and per capita income in Bellagea to the ecotourism. However, the speaker provides no evidence to support the assumption. On one hand, many other factors could serve to raise the number of foreign visitors. Those visitors may take the Bellagea's airport as their middle station to actual destination. Or the Bellagea may hold an influential program such as the "world-cup" or"Olympic Game"last year, which attracts many foreign visitors. Those visitors may constitute the majority of the increasing flock. In addition, the main airport cannot reflect the situation in general since airplane may not be the main transportation tool to this country. Visitors traveling via other transportation tools such automobiles should be taken into account in order to get a reliable conclusion. On the other hand, scant evidence is shown to substantiate that the ecotourism is the cause of increasing of per capita income.  It is entirely possible that the general economy situation is pleasant which leads to the final increasing.  Without ruling out other factors affecting the economic and make a full-scale investigation, the speaker cannot convince me about the success of the ecotourism.

Secondly, Even though I concede that the promotion of the ecotourism indeed help the increasing of per capita income of Bellagea, the argument still rests on the assumption that the environment is protected via ecotourism too. Apparently, no evidence is offered to substantiate this assumption. As commonsense, we know the prosperity of ecotourism will sacrifice the environment as the cost, to some extent.  An increasing of visitors will result in a responsive increasing of garbage and partially destroy the ecology balance. For these considerations, the speaker's proposal should not be recommended unless an effective solution of preserving the natural environment is provided.

In the third place, the speaker commits a false analogy between Bellagea and Paraterra. The success of ecotourism in Bellagea may be due to its unique advantages while Paraterra does not have the similar conditions.  Perhaps Bellagea has a comfortable and pleasant climate while Paraterra is a place whose summer is sweltering and winter is like arctic.  Or Bellagea is flat terrain, in contrast with the mountainous landform in Paraterra. Moreover, the speaker mentioned that Paraterra is a tiny country, which may have scant resource to develop ecotourism. If it is the case, promoting ecotourism seems unpractical for Paraterra.  After all, the speaker failed to offer the public a convincing argument about the feasibility of ecotourism in Paraterra.

Last but not least, relying on the assumption that the success of ecotourism in Bellagea is due to the director of National Tourism Office in Bellagea, the speaker recommends that the director should be hired for the campaign. First, the speaker cannot provide evidence to justify the efforts of the director. Secondly, even if the director plays a crucial role in the process of promotion in Bellegea, the speaker cannot ensure his success in Paraterra. Additionally, the speaker overlooks the other candidates, who may be more suitable than the director because of further familiar with Paraterra's situation.

To sum up, the argument is untenable at all, as discussed above. To bolster the argument, the speaker should provide effective evidence that the ecotourism is the main factor for the increasing of per capita income in Bellagea. Furthermore, more detailed and scientific studies about the practical issues should be conducted to show the feasibility of ecotourism promoted in Paraterra.

[ 本帖最后由 vickeyyy 于 2006-3-23 02:43 编辑 ]

glxingUID: 2156425

谢谢vickeyyy
自己的拼写错误是多了点，以后一定注意先检查一遍。
我的作文模板痕迹还是比较严重， 自己也想写一些创新性的东西，可是又怕写错了，所以很犹豫，不知道argument要想拿高分是不是应该脱离模板？

glxingUID: 2156425

It is obvious that the economic minister of Paraterra is eager to show the public a potential solution-promoting ecotourism- for prosperous future. Before the encouraging expectation, the speaker, however, commits several flaws which render his proposal unpersuasive and unfeasible（Sample Text开头很独特）, as follows:

In the first place, the speaker contributes the increasing of foreign visitors and per capita income in Bellagea to the ecotourism. However, the speaker provides no evidence to support the assumption. On one hand（[color=Green]Sample TextOn the one hand,新东方老师特意嘱咐的）, many other factors could serve to raise the number of foreign visitors. Those visitors may take the Bellagea's airport as their middle station to actual （Sample Textfinal是不是更好）destination. Or the Bellagea may hold an influential program such as the "world-cup" or"Olympic Game"last year, which attracts many foreign visitors. Those visitors may constitute the majority of the increasing flock. In addition, the main airport cannot reflect the situation in general since airplane may not be the main transportation tool(transportation tool,Sample Text vehicle) to this country. Visitors traveling via other transportation tools such automobiles should be taken into account in order to get a reliable conclusion. (Visitors traveling via other transportation tools such automobiles should be taken into account in order to get a reliable conclusion.这一句显得多余了，你上一句其实就说得很清楚，赶紧说结果把：it is possible that the total number of visitors to Bellagea has dcreased since last year）On the other hand, scant evidence is shown to substantiate that the ecotourism is the cause of increasing of per capita income.  It is entirely possible that the general economy situation is pleasant which leads to the final increasing(It is entirely possible that the pleasant general economy leads to the increase of per capita income).  Without ruling out other factors affecting the economic and make(making ) a full-scale investigation, the speaker cannot convince me about the success of the ecotourism.

Secondly, Even though I concede that the promotion of the ecotourism indeed help the increasing of per capita income of Bellagea, the argument still rests on the assumption that the environment is protected via ecotourism too. Apparently, no evidence is offered to substantiate this assumption. As commonsense(我没见过，呵呵), we know the prosperity of ecotourism will sacrifice the environment as the cost, to some extent.  An increasing of visitors will result in a responsive increasing of garbage and partially destroy the ecology balance. For these considerations, the speaker's proposal should not be recommended unless an effective solution of preserving the natural environment is provided.

In the third place, the speaker commits a false analogy between Bellagea and Paraterra. The success of ecotourism in Bellagea may be due to its unique advantages while Paraterra does not have the similar conditions.  Perhaps Bellagea has a comfortable and pleasant climate while Paraterra is a place whose summer is sweltering and winter is like arctic.  Or Bellagea is flat terrain, in contrast with the mountainous landform in Paraterra（应该多说一句，这样的地形对旅游有影响，不然人家不知道到底哪个好那个不好）. Moreover, the speaker mentioned that Paraterra is a tiny country, which may have scant resource to develop ecotourism. If it is the case, promoting ecotourism seems unpractical for Paraterra.  After all, the speaker failed to offer the public a convincing argument about the feasibility of ecotourism in Paraterra.（这一句让步不好，削弱了力度，你觉得呢）
Last but not least, relying on the assumption that the success of ecotourism in Bellagea is due to the director of National Tourism Office in Bellagea, the speaker recommends that the director should be hired for the campaign. First, the speaker cannot provide evidence to justify the efforts of the director. Secondly, even if the director plays a crucial role in the process of promotion in Bellegea, the speaker cannot ensure his success in Paraterra.（欠理由，为什么不能保证？） Additionally, the speaker overlooks the other candidates, who may be more suitable than the director because of further familiar with Paraterra's situation.

To sum up, the argument is untenable at all, as discussed above. To bolster the argument, the speaker should provide effective evidence that the ecotourism is the main factor for the increasing of per capita income in Bellagea. Furthermore, more detailed and scientific studies about the practical issues should be conducted to show the feasibility of ecotourism promoted in Paraterra.
我的建议：把错误尽量分开来写，层次会更分明些！
总体还不错，加油！

vickeyyyUID: 2106179

谢谢指导！我也觉得我有时候思路会有点乱，所以就会混在一起，加油练习！！！
我觉得要写得出彩的话，肯定是要拖离模版的，不过很难。如果能把模版发挥的淋漓尽致，应该也能有不错的分数，不过也很难，呵呵，总之得高分就是很难。我们都要好好加油哦，呵呵！