topic166,TWE第一篇,谢谢

wwonderyUID: 2159397

提纲:总-->支持1,2,3--->总

There is no doubt that a child has to experience a lot to grow into an adult. Physical changes, as well as age accumulation, can hardly, to some extent, be regarded as a sufficient indication of one’s maturity. Although people can look into every occurrence to cast back the process of ripeness, I hold a belief that it is through one’s first love that really turns a child into an adult.

The main reason I support is that the experience of first love provides a child an opportunity to make judgment not only for his loved one but for himself. What is nature for an individual is the strong self-awareness, thus one’s frankness to another individual, if so, may be considered a rare circumstance. The child presents a true self in front of his loved one for justice and understanding so at that time any kind of feedbacks may be carefully dealt with and he may, if necessary, change himself a lot not only for the affirmation from the other side but his adjustment for better development in person. Therefore, a full personality is far from being formed before one attempts his first love.

Another reason, the more obvious one is that first love is a type of human instinct due to the individual physiological maturity. Every step during the contacts and communications can be interpreted as messages or signals that be received and processed immediately by both one’s pallium and body fluid, including the modulation of hormone. In other words, only after the physiological mechanism of an individual is well developed can first love takes place.

Unfortunately, most cases concerning first love prove to be failures, which can barely undermine the true value of its existence. It is said that love is the reward of love, which make a carefree child in the past learn how to better understand others, how to properly deal with personal relationship, and how to bravely assume social responsibility. What is more, that sort of failure always teaches a child a lesson, improves a child’s perception towards the surroundings and brings a child to the adult’s world.

To sum up, first love, as a symbol for one’s changing from a child to an adult, is a transition turn in each one’s life in that it functions in one’s present self-evaluation and future development accompanied with one’s physiological maturity, which may finally become an event that lives on in one’s mind for ever.

第一篇,写了2H,想在内容上出新,现在发现是徒劳
看了胡敏总结的T作文高分四步,与大家共勉
内容简单化,结构模式化,语言要包装,考前要强化

skrhahaUID: 2196351

There is no doubt that a child has to experience a lot to grow into an adult. Physical changes, as well as age accumulation, can hardly, to some extent, be regarded as a sufficient indication of one’s maturity. Although people can look into every occurrence to cast back the process of ripeness, I hold a belief that it is through one’s first love that really turns a child into an adult.（论点我喜欢，哈哈）
文章开头很好啊，排比，插入语什么都有。不过我觉得是不是应该把论点放前一点呢？这样可能让老外看的比较舒服，据说他们改篇文章45-60s，基本只看段首或其他重要部位。
The main reason I support is that the experience of first love provides a child an opportunity to make judgment not only for his loved one but for himself(出现性别了，最好别，否则会被扣上性别歧视的大帽，尤其是写he,用复数就行). What is nature (natural?) for an individual is the strong self-awareness, thus one’s frankness to another individual, if so, may be considered a rare circumstance. The child presents a true self in front of his loved one for justice and understanding so at that time any kind of feedbacks may be carefully dealt with and he may, if necessary, change himself a lot not only for the affirmation from the other side but his adjustment for better development in person. Therefore, a full personality is far from being formed before one attempts his first love.
Loved one 是不是可以说是lover？我不是太肯定loved one有没有chinglish嫌疑。理由很有力哦，有点toefl 阅读的感觉了，脑子有点晕。。。
Another reason, the more obvious one is that first love is a type of human instinct due to the individual physiological maturity. Every step during the contacts and communications can be interpreted as messages or signals that be received and processed immediately by both one’s pallium and body fluid, including the modulation of hormone. In other words, only after the physiological mechanism of an individual is well developed can first love takes place.（很搞笑嘛……，第一遍还是没看懂，第二编醒悟了……）
要是这论点在中国考试里，恐怕……但老外够开放，应该没问题！
有理有据。不过就是里面出现的一些词，不知作者是自己写的还是查字典的？如果查的比较多，我还是建议不要这样。考试的时候不给带字典的。如果是自己写的那我就非常景仰你了，能写出这种文采出来非常不错了，长句子我非常欣赏，向您学习！
Unfortunately, most cases concerning first love prove to be failures, which can barely undermine the true value of its existence. It is said that love is the reward of love（好句啊……如果加上说一个西方浪漫主义诗人说，就更好了）, which make a carefree child in the past learn how to better understand others, how to properly deal with personal relationship, and how to bravely assume social responsibility.（我写作文总是不知道怎么造排比，作者这里就很好） What is more, that sort of failure always teaches a child a lesson, improves a child’s perception towards the surroundings and brings a child to the adult’s world.
可能是我理解能力有限，感觉这段和2，3段不是太平行？（2说心理，3说生理）
To sum up, first love, as a symbol for one’s changing from a child to an adult, is a transition turn in each one’s life in that it functions in one’s present self-evaluation and future development accompanied with one’s physiological maturity, which may finally become an event that lives on in one’s mind for ever.

感觉作者的插入语用得很好，我会学习的。不得不承认我的写作功力远没有达到这种水平。
+U,另外，请看以下我的劣文，地址如下
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

wwonderyUID: 2159397

谢谢帮我改文章
共勉

skrhahaUID: 2196351

颜色问题，回复主题里面没有颜色选项么？还是你的权限不够？

xizzhuUID: 2195156

" first love" in your essay, it would be better if you define "the first love" is a situation that you are falling in love with your first girlfriend/boyfriend.   

if a two years old boy or girl, love his/her dog or cat; love his/her mother, those situations can be called "first love", too.

here is mine:

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D3

[ 本帖最后由 xizzhu 于 2006-4-16 22:15 编辑 ]

蝴蝶结UID: 195566

There is no doubt that a child has to experience a lot to grow into an adult. Physical changes, as well as age accumulation, can hardly, to some extent, be regarded as a sufficient indication of one’s maturity. Although people can look into every occurrence to cast back the process of ripeness, I hold a belief that it is through one’s first love that really turns a child into an adult.

The main reason I support is that the experience of first love provides a child an opportunity to make judgment not only for his loved one but for himself. What is nature for an individual is the strong self-awareness, thus one’s frankness to another individual, if so, may be considered a rare circumstance. The child presents a true self in front of his loved one for justice and understanding so at that time any kind of feedbacks may be carefully dealt with and he may, if necessary, change himself a lot not only for the affirmation from the other side but his adjustment for better development in person. Therefore, a full personality is far from being formed before one attempts his first love.

Another reason, the more obvious one is that first love is a type of human instinct due to the individual physiological maturity. Every step during the contacts and communications can be interpreted as messages or signals that be received and processed immediately by both one’s pallium and body fluid, including the modulation of hormone. In other words, only after the physiological mechanism of an individual is well developed can first love takes place.

Unfortunately, most cases concerning first love prove to be failures, which can barely undermine the true value of its existence. It is said that love is the reward of love, which make a carefree child in the past learn how to better understand others, how to properly deal with personal relationship, and how to bravely assume social responsibility. What is more, that sort of failure always teaches a child a lesson, improves a child’s perception towards the surroundings and brings a child to the adult’s world.

To sum up, first love, as a symbol for one’s changing from a child to an adult, is a transition turn in each one’s life in that it functions in one’s present self-evaluation and future development accompanied with one’s physiological maturity, which may finally become an event that lives on in one’s mind for ever

呵呵,和你AW的水平一样高了~
同意上面一位说的,单独用he,his,himself等还是不太好~
注意时间啊MM,我现在只担心你这个了~