同主题第三期，欢迎留下链接互拍：）

清荷才露UID: 2163929

topic 7.
根据expire还有susan的意见重新修改了一下，：）

Movies and televisions are becoming unprecedentedly popular in our daily life. The large amounts of information they bring to us in any aspect can influence our behaviors either positively or negatively, including altering our view on aesthetic perception, the way we lead our life and indulge ourselves in the laziness.(according to susan’s advice. Thanks. ^^)

First of all, movies and televisions alter our view on aesthetic perception. The latest clothing style the movie stars wear or their hair styles will keep us abreast with the leading fashion. For example, wearing jeans wear became a fashion after the leading actor of the movie wear it while they were regarded as the sign of the cowboys in western American and seldom people was fond of it. However, we enjoy this kind of informal clothes so much nowadays that almost everyone has more than 2(two) jeans.

In the second place, the advertisements on television and movies influence our behaviors in leading our daily life. On one hand(For one thing), they give us a chance to be informed of new products and make us be interested in trying some of them which would be better than the current ones we are using. On the other hand(For another), the numerous commercials on television give us the pressure on how healthy our life is. Because of the focus on the water-pollution in one advertisement, we begin to doubt if the water we usually drink is drinkable any more. Because of the focus on the pesticides(parasites) in cats and dogs in another advertisement of shampoos for them, we begin to doubt(consider) whether to discard our pets or not.

Finally, televisions and movies provide an imaginary world for us to hide ourselves from the reality when facing something tough or simply because we want to have a rest. In front of the cartoon programs, we can behave like a child and forget all the unhappiness in work. But it will also influence people’s behavior into violence. We can see that the crime rate has been increased these years, especially the teenager violence. Movies and televisions about wars, fights and so forth impress children so much that they are fond of mimicking the actors. This will of course threaten the safety of the society.
(According to expire’s opinion, I re-write the paragraph. Many thanks to expire. :P )
Finally, televisions and movies make us indulge ourselves in laziness and ultimately change our attitude to life. The leisure and relaxation from them make us feel so comfortable that we become more and more dependent to them and reluctant to come out from the programs. Thus, we may be willing to do the housework or delay it till midnight. Moreover, without enough break we cannot concentrate on our jobs, complaints and resistance to jobs gradually emerge as a result.
In conclusion, movies and televisions play a vital role in influencing our behaviors either positively or negatively. How we reflect to them depends on what kind of movies or programs we watch, how long we watch and how we judge them.

[ 本帖最后由 清荷才露 于 2006-4-21 23:57 编辑 ]

expire7UID: 2160574

写的不错的。是我哦最近看到里面较优秀的呢。
on the one hand不能连接并列的。它们有转折在里面。
B3内部比较乱。和你的ＴＳ不搭配。注意一下这个问题。

其他没有太明显毛病了。加油。

susan8940UID: 160449

建议楼主在第一段提一下how to influence，这样主题就更明确了。

我的，请楼主指教阿：）
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

清荷才露UID: 2163929

谢谢expire和susan，我已经重新修改过了。：）
欢迎大家互改。

xinxinwUID: 2144273

Movies and televisions are becoming unprecedentedly popular in our daily life. The large amounts of information they bring to us in any aspect can influence our behaviors either positively or negatively, including altering our view on aesthetic perception, the way we lead our life and indulge ourselves in the laziness.including用得好像有点问题，前面一个分句里面并没有可以列举的名词，如果对behaviors列举的话也不对，可能用by altering更顺，也能体现how

First of all, movies and televisions alter our view on aesthetic perception. The latest clothing style the movie stars wear or their hair styles will keep us abreast with the leading fashion. For example, wearing jeans wear became a fashion after the leading actor of the movie wear it while they were regarded as the sign of the cowboys in western American and seldom people was fond of it. However, we enjoy this kind of informal clothes so much nowadays that almost everyone has more than 2(two) jeans.

In the second place, the advertisements on television and movies influence our behaviors in leading our daily life. On one hand(For one thing), they give us a chance to be informed of new products and make us be interested in trying some of them which would be better than the current ones we are using. On the other hand(For another), the numerous commercials on television give 要表达什么意思？make us aware of?us the pressure on how healthy our life is. Because of the focus on the water-pollution in one advertisement, we begin to doubt if the water we usually drink is drinkable any more. Because of the focus on the pesticides(parasites) in cats and dogs in another advertisement of shampoos for them, we begin to doubt(consider) whether to discard our pets or not.

Finally, televisions and movies provide an imaginary world for us to hide ourselves from the reality when facing something tough or simply because we want to have a rest. In front of the cartoon programs, we can behave like a child and forget all the unhappiness in work. But it will also influence people’s behavior into violence没见过这么用的. We can see that the crime rate has been increased these years, especially the teenager violence. Movies and televisions about wars, fights and so forth impress children so much that they are fond of mimicking the actors. This will of course threaten the safety of the society.这两句和成一个复杂句能增色不少(According to expire’s opinion, I re-write the paragraph. Many thanks to expire. :P )

Finally, televisions and movies make us indulge ourselves in laziness and ultimately change our attitude to life. The leisure and relaxation from them逻辑上有问题 make us feel so comfortable that we become more and more dependent to them and reluctant to come out from the programs. Thus, we may be willing to do the housework or delay it till midnight. Moreover, without enough break we cannot concentrate on our jobs, complaints and resistance to jobs gradually emerge as a result.

In conclusion, movies and televisions play a vital role in influencing our behaviors either positively or negatively. How we reflect to them depends on what kind of movies or programs we watch, how long we watch and how we judge them.

倒数第二段有点乱，另外如果能在割断的逻辑上组织一下，能够体现
positively or negatively就更好了

susan8940UID: 160449

请教楼主,99年的阅读是不是比00年后的简单许多?

xiaowenzi118UID: 202887

Movies and televisions are becoming unprecedentedly popular in our daily life. The large amounts(好像一般用单数吧) of information they bring to us in any aspect can influence our behaviors either positively or negatively, including altering our view on aesthetic perception, the way we lead our life and indulge ourselves in the laziness.(这一句读起来有点别扭,尤其是最后一点有点语病, 建议把including之后都删掉)

First of all, movies and televisions alter our view on aesthetic perception. The latest clothing style the movie stars wear or their hair styleswill keep us abreast with the leading fashion. For example, wearing jeans wear became a fashion after the leading actor of the movie wear it while they were regarded as the sign of the cowboys in western American and seldom people was fond of it. However, we enjoy this kind of informal clothes so much nowadays that almost everyone has more than 2(two) jeans.

In the second place, the advertisements on television and movies influence our behaviors in leading our daily life. On one hand, they give us a chance to be informed of new products and make us be interested in trying some of them which would be better than the current ones we are using. (这和影响我们的behaviors有什么关系?)On the other hand(For another), the numerous commercials on television give us the pressure on how healthy our life is. Because of the focus on the water-pollution in one advertisement, we begin to doubt if the water we usually drink is drinkable any more. Because of the focus on the pesticides in cats and dogs in another advertisement of shampoos for them, we begin to doubt whether to discard our pets or not. 感觉这一段没有紧扣影响人们的behavior来写,尤其是第一点

Finally, televisions and movies make us indulge ourselves in laziness and ultimately change our attitude to(of) life. The leisure and relaxation from them make us feel so comfortable that we become more and more dependent to them and reluctant to come out from the programs. Thus, we may be willing to do the housework or delay it till midnight. Moreover, without enough break we cannot concentrate on our jobs, complaints and resistance to jobs gradually emerge as a result.

In conclusion, movies and televisions play a vital role in influencing our behaviors either positively or negatively. How we reflect to them depends on what kind of movies or programs we watch, how long we watch and how we judge them.

开头结尾写得不错,但中间尤其是最长的一段写得有点偏了。
PS：就几个分论点来评价的话我觉得LZ的分析有点浅。主要是在对人们的人生观，价值观的影响上吧。

归来的虎子UID: 181060

列举类型题能写成这样很不错了：），另外请楼主注意一下文章中同样的词（eg:
jobs, actors）尽量不要出现多于三次；楼主可以考虑一下把模版改得再精致一点，老外改卷子就那么点时间，首端末段每段首句还是主要闪光点。

michel_shaoUID: 204704

Movies and televisions are becoming unprecedentedly popular in our daily life. The large amounts of information they bring to us in any aspect can influence our behaviors either positively or negatively, including altering our view on aesthetic perception, the way we lead our life and indulge ourselves in the laziness.(according to susan’s advice. Thanks. ^^)


First of all, movies and televisions alter our view on aesthetic perception. The latest clothing style the movie stars wear or their hair styles will keep us abreast with the leading fashion. For example, wearing jeans wear became a fashion after the leading actor of the movie wear it while they were regarded as the sign of the cowboys in western American and seldom people was fond of it. However, we enjoy this kind of informal clothes so much nowadays that almost everyone has more than 2(two) jeans.（不一定每个人都有两条以上，虽然lz也用了almost,改成大多数年轻人会不会好点？）

In the second place, the advertisements on television and movies influence our behaviors in leading our daily life. On one hand(For one thing), they give us a chance to be informed of new products and make us be interested in trying some of them which would be better than the current ones we are using. On the other hand(For another), the numerous commercials on television give us the pressure on how healthy our life is. Because of the focus on the water-pollution in one advertisement, we begin to doubt if the water we usually drink is drinkable any more. Because of the focus on the pesticides(parasites) in cats and dogs in another advertisement of shampoos for them, we begin to doubt(consider) whether to discard our pets or not.(觉得例子有一点点牵强了)

Finally, televisions and movies provide an imaginary world for us to hide ourselves from the reality when facing something tough or simply because we want to have a rest. In front of the cartoon programs, we can behave like a child and forget all the unhappiness in work. But it will also influence people’s behavior into violence. We can see that the crime rate has been increased these years, especially the teenager violence. Movies and televisions about wars, fights and so forth impress children so much that they are fond of mimicking the actors. This will of course threaten the safety of the society.

(According to expire’s opinion, I re-write the paragraph. Many thanks to expire. :P )
Finally, televisions and movies make us indulge ourselves in laziness and ultimately change our attitude to life. The leisure and relaxation from them make us feel so comfortable that we become more and more dependent to（on） them and reluctant to come out from the programs. Thus, we may be willing to do the housework or delay it till midnight. Moreover, without enough break we cannot concentrate on our jobs, complaints and resistance to jobs gradually emerge as a result.

In conclusion, movies and televisions play a vital role in influencing our behaviors either positively or negatively.(和第一段一样的句子，变化一下更好) How we reflect to them depends on what kind of movies or programs we watch, how long we watch and how we judge them.（最后一句不如重复一下整个文章的观点）

这个是我的,欢迎大家来拍!
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1768492520

[ 本帖最后由 michel_shao 于 2006-4-27 05:16 编辑 ]