同主题topic15！请大家多多帮忙！记得留下连接哦！

DidoyUID: 2181213

15.
Today, nearly every one has neighbors, and as they live just next door to us, it is beyond exception that our lives are closely linked to them. I often see some of us fight with their neighbors or never talk to them because they don’t like them. In my opinion, neighbors play a significant role in our lives, so how terrible it is if we can’t get along well with them. In short words, we all need good next-doors who respect our privacies, understand our feelings and help us when we are in trouble.

The first thing I want to say is that a good neighbor must respect our privacies. Everyday I can see someone having nothing to do get together to gossip. The worst words they use to greet others are “Hey guys! Tell me all the latest gossip about your neighbor!” I can’t imagine if I have such neighbor what my life will be. Must I draw the curtains or drop my voice to a whisper all day? No one can stand this. And the most awful circumstance is my neighbor who I treat as my friend shares all my secrets with everyone. According to this, as far as I am concerned, good neighbors must respect our privacies.

Next, neighbors we will embrace must understand us. We don’t care their characters or appearances, but we do care whether we can chat with them or share happiness or sadness with each other. For example, if we tell a joke, but they don’t laugh at all, if we are excited about the World Cup, but they think sport is boring, and if we offer to help them, but they believe we have ulterior motives, we will of course not get along fine together.

Finally, we all hope to get help when we are in troublesome. So warm-hearted neighbors are the best. When we lost our keys, we can stay in their apartments until the locksmith comes; when we leave home with the tap still turning on, they will call the police for us; when our televisions are broken, we will not miss our favorite shows. On these grounds, there is no need to emphasize how vital the quality of warm-heartedness is.

In conclusion, I hold the idea that the three good qualities are respecting our privacies, understanding our feelings and helping to solve our problems.

cyqUID: 2203249

写得很好啊:)
我只挑得出一点无关紧要的小问题
Everyday I can see someone having nothing to do get together to gossip. The worst words they use to greet others are “Hey guys! Tell me all the latest gossip about your neighbor!”这里的人称代词they是不是和上文不符啊 I can’t imagine if I have such a neighbor what my life will be.
On these grounds, there is no need to emphasize how vital the quality of warm-heartedness is.   no need 是不是不对啊?

LZ也帮我看看吧
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

linf2000UID: 2210038

someone having nothing to do get together to gossip
这里someone 改为some people好些,涉及到单复数的形式．
还有can't正式作文不要连写．
你的第２段写的很棒
加油祝你成功！

DidoyUID: 2181213

谢谢楼上两位的帮助
首先是人称代词问题，我的语法很烂，其实我写的时候已经很注意上下句不能一下复数一下单数的，但是还是出了问题，谢谢cyq和linf2000的提醒，下一次真是要满脑子想着这个来写了。其次是，there is no need我又去查了一下，这是一个固定的句型，就是没有必要。。。是可以用的。
那个第2段，我用了口语化的句子，我很担心呢，不知道行不行的通的。。。因为有听说过TWE要求是很正式的文章。

lanccyUID: 2156906

是啊，我也觉得第二段的句子太口语化，觉得最好还是不要这样用。而且反问句之类的最好也少用。
学到了一个词next door,终于可以换个词说了，谢谢楼主！
帮我看看我的吧
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1768505457

alex6945UID: 2130168

Today, nearly every one(everyone) has neighbors, and as they live just next door to us, it is beyond exception that our lives are closely linked to them. I often see some of us(似乎用US不是很恰当,改为some people) fight with their neighbors or never talk to them(似乎指代不清) because they don’t like them. In my opinion, neighbors play a significant role in our lives, so how terrible it is if we can’t(似乎在文章中不能出现缩略格式,改为can not) get along well with them. In short words, we all need good next-doors who respect our privacies, understand our feelings and help us when we are in trouble.
:)
The first thing I want to say is that a good neighbor must respect our(为体现客观可改为other people's) privacies. Everyday I can see someone having nothing to do get(前后主谓一致,似乎) together to(and) gossip. The worst words they use to greet others(each other似乎更好) are “Hey guys! Tell me all the latest gossip about your neighbor!” I can’t imagine if I have such (a) neighbor what my life will be. Must(should似乎更加贴切) I draw the curtains or drop my voice to a whisper all day? No one can stand this. And the most awful circumstance is my neighbor who I treat as my friend shares all my secrets with everyone (else). According to this, as far as I am concerned, good neighbors must respect our privacies.(似乎在举例中可以用自己的例子,但是一段中全以自己来说,就有主观的嫌疑)

Next, neighbors we will embrace must understand us. We don’t care their characters or appearances, but we do care whether we can chat with them or share happiness or sadness with each other(them). For example, if we tell a joke, but they don’t laugh at all, if we are excited about the World Cup, but they think sport is boring, and if we offer to help them, but they believe we have ulterior motives, we will of course not(用得似乎不是很恰当) get along fine(fine似乎不能这样用,可改为well) together.

Finally, we all hope to get help when we are in troublesome. So warm-hearted neighbors are the best. When we lost our keys, we can stay in their apartments until the locksmith comes; when we leave home with the tap still turning(delete) on, they will call the police for us; when our televisions are broken, we will not miss our favorite shows. On these grounds, there is no need to emphasize how vital the quality of warm-heartedness is.

In conclusion, I hold the idea that the three good qualities are respecting our privacies, understanding our feelings and helping to solve our problems.
似乎通篇中主观感受太多,客观感不多,
以上意见仅供参考,:)
也帮我看看吧
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

DidoyUID: 2181213

是这样的，我所有的都用we，并不是主观感受，we指我们所有人，和用they是一样的，只不过we把我自己包括进去了，而they没有把我自己包括进去而已。这是一篇写人的文章，之前的我都是用的they,而这一篇因为我觉得我也是包括在有neighbor，并且包括在对自己的neighbor有要求的人当中，所以我觉得用we比用they要好。
其次是，因为曾经有位老师对我说，外国人不喜欢整篇文章不停的变换人称，所以当我用了第一个we的时候，后面所有的例子举证全部都用we了。
希望大家多多发表意见。。。谢谢

cyqUID: 2203249

On these grounds, there is no need to emphasize how vital the quality of warm-heartedness is.这句话的意思是 没有必要强调热心的重要性 ?  我觉得和上文连不起来啊.我误读了吗?

李笑来的作文笔记上说口语化句子其实也能用的,写出来就行了,不用想太多是口语还是书面语的问题. 毕竟TWE是加分性评卷

关于人称.我不知道在哪里看到过说外国人不喜欢我们写作文老用we做主语,因为用we显得你好象是代表某一代人或某一群人说话.   
还是用they比较客观

[ 本帖最后由 cyq 于 2006-4-30 17:49 编辑 ]

alex6945UID: 2130168

希望得到大家对我作文的评价:)
共同进步嘛.

夜一UID: 2130338

再提一下前次说过的主题句的问题
Finally, we all hope to get help when we are in troublesome. So warm-hearted neighbors are the best.
写成一句话的话会好很多呀，而且最好把warm-hearted提到前面：）