issue51 【加州阳光】第一次作业，我的第一篇issue，请猛拍！

jj7710UID: 204058

Education has a great influence on the development and progress of the modern world, and so attracts profound attention. What kind of education is truly effective is in fiercely debate over the public. The statement above assumes that education which is designed to meet personal requirement and the interests of each student is truly effective. However, as far as I am concerned, education could also be very effective even when it does not specified for individual.

Anyone who wants to find individual needs and interests needs grasping some basic knowledge. One important function of education should be proving living skills to the students. A student studies, finds what he interests, then try to grasp it, and finally live on what he learns. If one consider his interest is mathematics, and the truth is that he knows nothing except mathematics, could we still agree that he really interests in mathematics? He has other great chances to be a good psychologist, a great writer, or an excellent engineer. The only one reason for he chooses mathematics is that he does not know any other subjects. So, one must learn several courses, accept basic education, and then decide which one he really interests. The basic education, which is designed to meet all people's need and consists of our elementary education, could not be overlooked.

Education specifically designed for individual will cause students to study alone, and all by oneself. If each person gets his own education, guided by his own tutors, study efficiency will be greatly descended compared with group study. In group study, students could discuss some problem with each other, the change of opinions in discussion makes students get a clearer understanding of the problem. Competition among goup workers will enhance the enthusiasm for improvement. Take an example of one of my cousins, a twelve years old boy. He just started to learn English, a bad start. His parents found a family teacher for him. Every other day, this teacher will come home to give him English course. One month passed he did not make any progress. After that, he choose a class consist of about 30 people to study English, there, he enjoyed a happy study process. Another month past, he made great progress. When we asked him why the family teacher could not help him, his answer is simple:" I want to study with my classmates, I do not want to be alone."

Admittedly, sometimes, especially for those students who has found his own needs and interests, specified education will be more effective by concentrating their energy on their needs and interests. However, it will be very exhaustive considering the large quantity of time and human resources spend on each of the student. Equipped every student with a teacher seems a mission impossible. Designing an individual education plan for each student could make every schoolmaster sleepless everynight. School could make some eclectic method, providing extracurricum for students. Thus, students could own some places to develop their interests while the schools make full use of the definite resources.

Education, as a basic way of fostering students and talents for the future construction, should function effectively and rightly. From the above analysis, it is clear that education could be truly effective even it is not designed for individuals.

jj7710UID: 204058

中文提纲：
1.发现真正兴趣需要有接触广泛的基础知识。
2.针对个人的教育不如集体学习更能促进学生，（例子不知道合适不）
3.资源不足以实现针对个人的教育。建议折中的方式来解决资源不足的问题。

benniUID: 2166321

万里江山一片红，mm别哭，有些语法点、用法未必是错误，只是我个人觉得不顺，所以斗胆指出来。
以下纯属个人意见，希望lz加入自己的判断。

Education has a great influence on the development and progress of the modern world, and so attracts profound attention. What kind of education is truly effective is in fiercely （fierce）debate over the public. The statement above assumes that education which is designed to meet personal requirement and the interests of each student is truly effective. However, as far as I am concerned, education could also be very effective even when it does not specified for individual.

Anyone who wants to find individual needs and interests needs grasping some basic knowledge (用need to do形式好一些，need doing =need to be done,个人感觉有些牵强). One important function of education should be  proving living skills（is to impart living skill，我觉得在陈述一个既定事实的时候，用is 比用 should be地道些） to the students. A student studies, finds what he interests （interests in）, then try (tries) to grasp it, and finally live on what he learns (have learned). If one consider (considers) his interest is mathematics, and the truth is that he knows nothing except mathematics, could we still agree that he really interests in mathematics? He has other great chances to be a good psychologist, a great writer, or an excellent engineer. The only one reason for he chooses mathematics (why he chooses mathematics ) is that he does not know any other subjects (subject). So, one must learn several courses, accept basic education, and then decide which one he really interests (interests in). The basic education, which is designed to meet all people's need and consists of our elementary education, could not be overlooked.

Education specifically designed for individual will cause students to study alone, and all by oneself. If each person gets his own education, guided by his own tutors, study efficiency will be greatly descended compared with group study. In group study, students could discuss some problem with each other, the change (exchange) of opinions in discussion makes (helps) students get a clearer understanding of the problem. Competition among goup (group) workers will enhance the enthusiasm for improvement. Take an example of one of my cousins, a twelve years old boy (如果是age+noun.那么 year 用单数，so the correct form is “a twelve year old boy”). He just started to learn English, a bad start. His parents found a family teacher for him. Every other day, this teacher will come home to give him English course. One month passed he did not make any progress. After that, he choose (joined) a class (which) consist (consists) of about 30 people (children) to study (learn，一般study是指那种比较深入的，有research 色彩的学习研究，learn是比较通俗的学习) English, there, he enjoyed a happy study process （have harvested an enjoyable learning experience）. Another month past, he made great progress. When we asked him why the family teacher could not help him, his answer is simple:" I want to study with my classmates, I do not want to be alone."
我觉得这段的原因有点牵强，因为题目并没有到是solo work还是group work，感觉有点无据推理的说

Admittedly, sometimes, especially for those students who has (have) found his (their) own needs and interests, specified education will be more effective by concentrating their energy on their needs and interests. However, it will be very exhaustive considering (while we consider) the large quantity of time and human resources spend on each of the student. Equipped every student with a teacher seems a mission impossible（这句话有两个谓语，equipping是不是好一些，）. Designing an individual education plan for each student could make every schoolmaster sleepless everynight. School could make some eclectic method, providing extracurricum for students. Thus, students could own some places to develop their interests while the schools make full use of the definite resources.

Education, as a basic way of fostering students and talents （我觉得把学生和学生的才华做并列不太妥当，可把student 换成personality or st. else） for the future construction, should function effectively and rightly. From the above analysis, it is clear that education could be truly effective even it is not designed for individuals.

一、总体感觉，mm的逻辑是ok的，也用了一些高级词汇（我还查了两回字典呢，汗一个..）

二、个人感觉，你比较较大的问题，同时也是我比较大的问题——叙述不够简洁，尤其是在陈述例子的时候。

1、划线部分可以这样来表达。
If one only interests in m, the result of the totally interests-oriented education is that the child is confined to the narrow scope of knowledge of m and the potentially diminishing of the his opportunity to be a…, a…, and a…. Is this the so-called “effective education”? In fact, the main reason why the child interests in m might purely be that he never had a chance to touch other subjects at all.
我写得也不好，仅供参考


2、第二段“亲戚学英语“的例子，是由好几个简单句组成的，而且有点啰嗦，试试能不能用一些连词，尽量简化叙述。

3、我标粗体的那部分，试试变成一个很有条理的并列句。

三、xdf的修锐说，issue最好不要100%一边倒。仔细观察每个题目，都是有一定依据的，因此最好有一定篇幅是赞同题目观点，构成让步，而让步部分最好放在论证部分的第一段。（仅供参考）

四、用词尽量准确。像文章中我给你改了几个词，如make-->help, people-->child
可不是俺存心找茬。xdf的老师说，文章尽量避免表意不清的词，如make/get/take，比如你想表示...使学生更...完全可以用help，虽然也很弱质的一个词，但是表明了这种“make“是积极的。

其实以上问题，也是我的弱项，共同进步吧 :victory:

jj7710UID: 204058

被砖头砸死了！
第一篇issue，花了两个小时啊！
列提纲时就觉得第二条有些问题，强行加了个例子凑字数，结果证明是失败的。
语言需要进一步提高。我会认真研究并学习benni指出的问题。
谢谢benni给我改的这么仔细。