argument147 【加州阳光】第二次作业，敬请拍砖

riverwUID: 2199459

147 The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

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In this argument the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few months. To support the conclusion, the arguer provides the evidences as follows: (1) A recent survey of video-game players shows the most important feature they are concerned in a video game is lifelike graphics, and (2) Whirlwind has introduced several new products in this category with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. This argument is problematic for several reasons.

Firstly, the arguer fails to analyze why Whirlwind has suffered a decline in video games’ sales in the past two years. It is possible there is a drop in the whole video game industry, which could be caused by the increasing game cost in developing and the price in the market, or the unfavorable change of people’s interests on home entertainment, or people’s  tighter economic situation. In addition, Whirlwind may have its own responsibilities for the decline. The price of their products might be set unwisely, or they may have an ineffective market strategy, or big problems may exist in company’s management. If all above factors and problems keep unsolved, their effects on sales will not disappear. Since the argument has not explained why the decline happens, it is not convincing that the new plans will be effective.

Secondly, the advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old may turn out to be ineffective. As the survey suggests that their newly introduced products require the most up-to-date computers, which is undoubtedly very expensive in computer markets. While most people between 10 and 25 are still too young to have strong economy to afford such kind of hardware platforms. Therefore, the target age group of the advertisement is not carefully considered, and the cost of such advertising will have little in return.

Finally, the arguer fails to take into account other factors that might affect the sales of the newly introduced lifelike video games. Except the lifelike graphics, customers may greatly concern on other game features such as the game type, content, plot, even the music. There is no evidence in the argument to describe how the new lifelike games perform in the other aspects. In addition to game features, market related factors can also affect the sales. It is highly possible that competitors have already introduced the parallel games ahead of Whirlwind and occupied a large market share, and won a good reputation among game players through their successful market strategies. All these factors tend to drive prospective customers to buy games from competitors rather than Wirlewind.

In summary, the argument is completely unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to analyze the reasons for the two-year decline in sales, and consider all possible factors mentioned above that may affect the sales of video games.

leaf99UID: 2174003

In this argument the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few months. To support the conclusion, the arguer provides the evidences as follows: (1) A recent survey of video-game players shows the most important feature they are concerned in a video game is lifelike graphics, and (2) Whirlwind has introduced several new products in this category with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. This argument is problematic for several reasons(前面说了一大堆，突然来一句，很突兀).

Firstly, the arguer fails to analyze the reasons why Whirlwind has suffered a decline in video games’ sales in the past two years. It is possible there is a drop in the whole video game industry, which could be caused by the increasing game cost in developing(in developing?) and the price in the market, or the unfavorable change of people’s interests on home entertainment, or people’s  tighter economic situation. In addition, Whirlwind may have its own responsibilities for the decline. The price of their products might be set unwisely, or they may have an ineffective market strategy, or big problems may exist in company’s management. If all above factors and problems keep unsolved, their effects on sales will not disappear. Since the argument has not explained why the decline happens, it is not convincing that the new plans will be effective.

Secondly, the advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old may turn out to be ineffective. As the survey suggests that their newly introduced products require the most up-to-date computers, which is undoubtedly very expensive in computer markets. While most people between 10 and 25 are still too young to have strong economy去掉 to afford such kind of hardware platforms. Therefore, the target age group of the advertisement is not carefully considered, and the cost of such advertising will have little in return.

Finally, the arguer fails to take into account other factors that might affect the sales of the newly introduced lifelike video games. Except the lifelike graphics, customers may greatly concern on （介词错 about）other game features such as the game type, content, plot, even the music. There is no evidence in the argument to describe how the new lifelike games perform in the other aspects. In addition to game features, market related factors can also affect the sales. It is highly possible that competitors have already introduced the parallel（similiar） games ahead of Whirlwind and occupied a large market share, and won a good reputation among game players through their successful market strategies. All these factors tend to drive prospective customers to buy games from competitors rather than Wirlewind（这会不会和decline的原因出现重复呢）.

In summary, the argument is completely unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to analyze the reasons for the two-year decline in sales, and consider all possible factors mentioned above that may affect the sales of video games.

总体：除了一些语言错误之外，叙述流畅，即将成为一篇好的argu。

riverwUID: 2199459

谢谢批改。
全文第一段我模范北美范文写的，很生硬，呵呵。
我第三个批驳的地方是想说可能有其它因素影响新引进的游戏的销售量，第一个批驳处是说要分析前两年销量下降的原因。这两者本不重复，但是我第三段表达不到位，读起来确实产生重复的意思。