issue38 【加州阳光】第二次作业 敬请拍砖

riverwUID: 2199459

38"In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books."

1. 基本否定
2. 电视并不能让我们获得有用的知识（电视的内容）
3. 电视让人被动接受，并不是象书本一样，让人们阅读的同时还需要进行思考
4. 当然，电视也有优点（形象、生动，可精确表达信息），可帮助人们学习。
5. 结尾

As human society develops rapidly, television has become an important role in human life. Some people maintains that we can learn from television programs as much as from books therefore reading books is less important than before. In my point of view, however, television which is originated for entertainment can not take books' place in learning.

Firstly, the television programs designed to entertain people do not contain enough knowledge or useful information that we really need. As we know, most TV channels are founded and operated by commercial organizations. Their goal is to maximize the number of their channel viewers and attain the biggest pay back through advertisement or the price of their paid programs. From this start point, many TV programs are commercially designed with splendid appearance to attract people's sights but indeed meaningless. The attempt of learn by watching television would be undoubtedly a big mistake. In contrast, books attract readers with their contents rather than the outside looks. One single book simply with texts and static pictures can carry as much knowledge as that for a reader to go deeply into some area. Therefore books will remain the best suitable carrier of knowledge as they were in the past centuries.

Secondly, television tends to take away creating abilities from those people who are enthusiastic about television. It is widely accepted that watching television is a passive process, in which the viewers are continuously infused with a large amount of information. Most information passes away from the viewers before they could analyze what they have received as fast as it gets to them. As a result, people watch television and get entertained, but due to few active brain activities what they can learn would actually be very limited. It is predictable that if people spend more and more time on television they will turn out to be less creative. On the contrary, books record human ideas, thoughts, or abstract theories in simple format so that in order to master knowledge people should not only browse the texts but also think actively at the same time. In this case, watching television excessively will damage human's intellectual development while reading books goes the right way.

Admittedly, television has its advantages over books to present information instantly and vividly. The sound and the live screen make TV programs much more attractive than abstract letters and characters. This is especially helpful in teaching children who are much more interested in moving images than rigid texts. Beyond the appearance, television also brings the latest news and discoveries to us and resultingly broadens our horizon. Although television will fail to achieve the ultimate education goal independently, it indeed provides very powerful assistance or even an option to traditional way of reading and room teaching.

In conclusion, although television can carry multi-media programs therefore it is beneficial to education, its nature determines its subsidiary position in teaching. Books will continue to dominate the way of learning and contribute to the development of human civilization.

[ 本帖最后由 riverw 于 2006-6-12 23:12 编辑 ]

leaf99UID: 2174003

38"In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books."

1. 基本否定
2. 电视并不能让我们获得有用的知识（电视的内容）
3. 电视让人被动接受，并不是象书本一样，让人们阅读的同时还需要进行思考
4. 当然，电视也有优点（形象、生动，可精确表达信息），可帮助人们学习。
5. 结尾

As human society develops rapidly, television has become an important role（搭配有问题become a part, play a role） in human life. Some people maintains that we can learn from television programs as much as from books therefore reading books is less important than before. In my point of view, however, television which is originated for entertainment can not take books' place （take the place of books）in learning.(我感觉这个开头很弱，至少你要show自己的主要观点)

Firstly, the (去掉the，不用特指)television programs designed to entertain people do not contain enough knowledge or useful information that we really need. As we know, most TV channels are founded and operated by commercial organizations. Their goal is to maximize the number of their channel viewers and attain the biggest pay back through advertisements or the price of their paid programs（这个表达不清楚，television fee the viewers pay）. From this start point, many TV programs are commercially designed with splendid appearance to attract people's sights but indeed meaningless(有些以偏概全，有些programs也有教育意义的亚，例如discovery). The attempt of（to） learn by watching television would be undoubtedly a big mistake. In contrast, books attract readers with their contents rather than the outside looks. One single book simply with texts and static pictures can carry as much knowledge as that for a reader to go deeply into some areas. Therefore books will remain the best suitable carrier of knowledge as they were in the past centuries.（没有具体例子是硬伤。题目中Television就一定完全等于TV programs？）

Secondly, television tends to take away creating abilities（creativity） from those people who are enthusiastic about television. It is widely accepted that watching television is a passive process, in which the viewers are continuously infused with a large amount of information. Most information passes away from the viewers before they could analyze what they have received as fast as it gets to them. As a result, people watch television and get entertained, but due to few active brain activities what they can learn would actually be very limited. It is predictable that if people spend more and more time on television they will turn out to be less creative. On the contrary, books record human ideas, thoughts, or abstract theories in simple format so that in order to master（acquire） knowledge people should not only browse the texts but also think actively at the same time. In this case, watching television excessively will damage human's intellectual development while reading books goes the right way(不太好，换个表达).(这个论点讲述的挺好)

Admittedly, television has its advantages over books to present information instantly and vividly. The sound and the live screen make TV programs much more attractive than abstract letters and characters. This is especially helpful in teaching children who are much more interested in moving images than rigid texts. Beyond the appearance, television also brings the latest news and discoveries to us and resultingly broadens our horizon. Although television will fail to achieve the ultimate education goal independently（alone）, it indeed provides very powerful assistance or even an option to traditional way of reading and room teaching.（因为前面把TV批地太猛，这里转折就不太好）
In conclusion, although television can carry multi-media programs therefore it is beneficial to education, its nature determines its subsidiary position in teaching. Books will continue to dominate the way of learning and contribute to the development of human civilization（这个结尾很弱，应该列一下原因）.

总体：开头结尾建议重写，写长一些。中间要多点例子support哦。语言没有大问题。
加油哦

riverwUID: 2199459

Thanks! 批得太好了。
我思考一下然后重写。

riverwUID: 2199459

尤其是对我思路上的指点太到位了，有点大悟的感觉。感谢～～
:-)

benniUID: 2166321

先谢谢楼主帮我批改了！关于你提到的一部分问题，请看一下我的回帖。https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

As human society develops rapidly, television has become an important role in human life. Some people maintains（maintain，此外，maintain是维持、保存的意思，一般不太用在表达观点的位置，换成assert/claim好些） that we can learn from television programs as much as from books therefore（therefore永远是副词，不能做连词，and hence） reading books is less important than before. In my point of view, however, television which is originated for entertainment can not take books' place in learning.

Firstly, the television programs designed to entertain people do not contain enough knowledge or useful information that we really need. As we know, most TV channels are founded and operated by commercial organizations. Their goal is to maximize the number of their channel viewers and attain the biggest pay back through advertisement or the price of their paid programs. From this start point, many TV programs are commercially designed with splendid appearance to attract people's sights but indeed meaningless. The attempt of learn by watching television would be undoubtedly a big mistake.（太极端） In contrast, books attract readers with their contents rather than the outside looks. One single book simply with texts and static pictures can carry as much knowledge as that for a reader to go deeply into some area. Therefore books will remain the best suitable carrier of knowledge as they were in the past centuries.

Secondly, television tends to take away creating abilities from those people who are enthusiastic about television. It is widely accepted that watching television is a passive process, in which the viewers are continuously infused with a large amount of information. Most information passes away from the viewers before they could analyze what they have received as fast as it gets to them.（表达得不太清楚，most information is compulsorily inserted to audience without their own analysis and judgment,仅供参考） As a result, people watch television and get entertained, but due to few active brain activities what they can learn would actually be very limited. It is predictable that if people spend more and more time on television they will turn out to be less creative. On the contrary, books record human ideas, thoughts, or abstract theories in simple format so that in order to master knowledge people should not only browse the texts but also think actively at the same time. In this case, watching television excessively will damage human's intellectual development while reading books goes the right way. （个人感觉，你的例子应该说明“看电视会导致读者没有批判性思维或者the capability of self-thinking” 而不是“没有创造性” ）

Admittedly, television has its advantages over books to present information instantly and vividly. The sound and the live screen make TV programs much more attractive than abstract letters and characters. This is especially helpful in teaching children who are much more interested in moving images than rigid texts. Beyond the appearance, television also brings the latest news and discoveries to us and resultingly broadens our horizon. Although television will fail to achieve the ultimate education goal independently, it indeed provides very powerful assistance or even an option to traditional way of reading and room teaching.（有点前后冲突）

In conclusion, although television can carry multi-media programs therefore（and consequently） it is beneficial to education, its nature determines its subsidiary position in teaching. Books will continue to dominate the way of learning and contribute to the development of human civilization.

叶子说过得语言问题就不说了。

论点清晰，但第一段用词有点极端，结尾罗列原因会更好。

[ 本帖最后由 benni 于 2006-6-13 19:02 编辑 ]

riverwUID: 2199459

多谢benni批改。

1. maintain有“主张”的意思，我在一些范文里见到这样用的，应该没有问题的。
2. therefore是副词，多谢提醒！
3. 我的第二个分段想说人们看电视被动接受，来不及主观思考或者批判性思考，最终导致失去创造力。但表达出来的意思跳跃性太大，我改。
4. 我的让步段想既让步，又反衬主题。即“承认电视确实有些优点，但是这最多让电视为书本教育提供有力的帮助或者是另外一种选择”。看了你和叶子的批改，我才感觉这里表达得确实有很大的问题。我得重新思考一下怎么写好。
5. 关于结尾段的良言，已谨记。