Issue50 smile组队第一次作业，我的maiden issue.

adam_spearsUID: 2109817

ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."

As we all know it is essential for us college students to grab some up-to-date information and master some new technologies while we are in the era of information society. As a result, in some cases, some faculty should leave the ivory tower sometime and work in some occupation which do benefits to the area of their academia to gain some experience and new technologies which would obviously assist their students to achieve their goals.

There is no doubt that after the faculty working outside the academic world, they would be more experienced and competent in the area. In other words, at least they would know more technologies and means about putting the theory into practise , rather than focusing on the theory only.Therefore some fresh insights and exciting stories come to class which the faculty would and possibly most of the time can't help themselves to impart to the students. For instance, my programming practising professor in person teached us the method of cooperating programming and the technology of the combination of the programs, albeit he only worked in a big software company for three months while other faculty without this experience only tell their students to program effectively and only initiate them some somewhat useless and vague tips. Need not to say, after the course, our interests are motivated by the practical, real-world examples which inplement the theories of the textbook.

To a large extent, not only do the students benefit from the experience and anecdotes which their professors can't help it to tell about, the discernment of the professor about the research area would be acuter in consequence of the communications between the professor and the technologist in the company. Keeping abreast with the real implementation of the theory will inspire the faculty to research with some practical theory that can actually be in use tomorrow. And common sense tells us the method between the research area and the implementation area is very different and other perspectives to discovery contribute to the success of the research especially when there are some obstacles on the way which should be eliminated.This might lead the way from good to prominent.

In despite of the advantages that come with the working experience of the faculty, nevertheless, I argue that it suits for all faculty in the universities or colleges. Working experience and real practical implementation is not necessarily the key factor in determining the quality of the instruction when it comes to the fundamental theory course like some mathematics (for example linear algebra). First of all, it is impossible for the faculty to work in the profession since there is not any relevant work that I can imagine. Secondly, even if some occupations are available for him, but don't you think it is more efficient for him to spend the time reading more typical archives to broaden his view and preparing for the lectures than out of the academic world? Finally, do you think a university have actually enough funds to support a linear algebra professor to work outside? I doubt that.

Moreover, another qualification should add to the statement that faculty should only spend appropriate time working outside the academic area. If the faculty attend to trifles and neglect the essentials, in other word, they spend time working outside immoderately, and meanwhile they don't have time to research in their area or prepare for the lecture, it would be arabian nights to improve the quality of the education.

In conclusion, in most cases the faculty in the college or university should work in the occupation relevant to their academic area to gain experience to improve the quality of education, aside from the unnecessary area, and work shouldn't take over-time.

我的第一篇，希望大家狂拍。。。
谢谢指点

yxjessieUID: 194526

As we all know it is essential for us college students to grab some up-to-date information and master some new technologies while we are in the era of information society. (最好把as we all know去掉，我觉得在的话影响句子结构，和后面的as a result 的as页有点重复了。)As a result, in some （两个some，可以改成certain）cases, some faculty should leave the ivory tower sometime and work in some occupation which do benefits to（do应该是强调吧？如果是九改成do benefit the area ……如果不是我还没见过do benefits to的句型，可能是我语法还不行，只是指出我的疑虑） the area of their academia to gain some experience and new technologies which would obviously assist their students to achieve their goals.

There is no doubt that after the faculty working outside the academic world, they would be more experienced and competent in the area. In other words, at least they would know more technologies and means about putting the theory into practise , rather than focusing on the theory only. Therefore some fresh insights and exciting stories come to class which the faculty would and possibly most of the time can't help themselves to impart to the students. For instance, my programming practising professor in person teached us（me） the method of cooperating programming and the technology of the combination of the programs, albeit he only worked in a big software company for three months while other faculty without this experience only（just） tell their students to program effectively and only initiate（你肯定initiate可以这么用吗？我认为这个词有褒义的感觉） them some somewhat useless and vague tips. Need not to say, after the course, our interests are motivated by the practical, real-world examples which inplement（implement） the theories of the textbook.

To a large extent, not only do the students benefit from the experience and anecdotes which their professors can't help it to tell about,（怎么说教授情不自禁教书呢，我觉得这里有待商议） the discernment of the professor about the research area would be acuter（没看懂） in consequence of the communications between the professor and the technologist in the company. Keeping abreast with the real implementation of the theory will inspire the faculty to research with some practical theory that can actually be in use tomorrow. And common sense tells us the method between the research area and the implementation area is（are）very different and other perspectives to discovery contribute to the success of the research especially when there are some obstacles on the way which should be eliminated. This might lead the way from good to prominent.

In（去掉in） despite of the advantages that come with the working experience of the faculty, nevertheless, I argue that it suits for all faculty in the universities or colleges. Working experience and real practical implementation is not necessarily the key factor（is not the necessary key factor） in determining the quality of the instruction when it comes to the fundamental theory course like some mathematics (for example linear algebra). First of all, it is impossible for the faculty to work in the profession since there is not any relevant work that I can imagine.(少用I，太主观) Secondly, even if some occupations are available for him, but don't you think it is more efficient for him to spend the time reading more typical archives（archive一般指人事的档案吧，不知道能不能用作学术资料？） to broaden his view and preparing for the lectures than out of the academic world? Finally, do you think a university （加上could）have actually enough funds to support a linear algebra professor to work outside? I doubt that.

Moreover, another qualification should add to the statement that faculty should only spend appropriate time working outside the academic area. If the faculty attend to trifles and neglect the essentials, in other word, they spend time working outside immoderately, and meanwhile they don't have time to research in their area or prepare for the lecture, it would be arabian nights to improve the quality of the education.

In conclusion, in most cases the faculty in the college or university should work in the occupation relevant to their academic area to gain experience （and）to improve the quality of education, aside from the unnecessary area, and work shouldn't take over-time.

有些地方没摁空格键我就不标了。你写完有没有贴在word上检查语法？如果没有的话错这么少已经很不错了！
用了好几个some，应该注意换一下。 有些单词我部肯定得也给你标出来了，可能是我红宝背得还不够好吧，你自己再斟酌一下。你的长句很多，但要注意准确性，正确应该是第一位的。
总体框架很清晰，照顾到了正反两方面。我水平也有限，还望指教。

[ 本帖最后由 yxjessie 于 2006-7-22 18:15 编辑 ]

adam_spearsUID: 2109817

谢谢yxjessie 的修改和那么多具有建设性的建议，我查了字典，发现initiate和archive 在着用得确实不恰当。
写到结尾的时候，我倒觉得不知道怎么去总结了，难道只是复述一下自己的论点？有什么方法可以升华或者深化一下主题呢？能够给一点建议吗？

vitaminxixiUID: 2159890

As we all know it is essential for us college students to grab 个人认为grasp更好些 some up-to-date information and master some new technologies while we are in the era of information society. As a result, in some cases, some 去掉吧 faculty should leave the ivory tower sometime and work in some occupation which do benefits to the area of their academia to gain somemore experience and new technologies which would obviously assist their students to achieve their goals.两个which似乎不大好

There is no doubt that after the faculty working outside the academic world, they would be more experienced and competent in the area. In other words, at least they would know more technologies and means about putting the theory into practice, rather than focusing on the theory only. Therefore 关系不大对 some fresh insights and exciting stories come to class which the faculty would and possibly most of the time can't help themselves to impart是想表达不经意间流露吗？can’t help doing to the students. For instance, my programming practising professor in person teached us the method of cooperating programming and the technology of the combination of the programs, albeit he only worked in a big software company for three months while other faculty without this experience only tell their students to program effectively and only initiate them some somewhat useless and vague tips. Need not to say, after the course, our interests are motivated by the practical, real-world examples which implement the theories of the textbook.

To a large extent, not only do the students benefit from the experience and anecdotes which their professors can't help it to tell about, the discernment of the professor about the research area would be acuter in consequence of the communications between the professor and the technologist in the company. Keeping abreast with the real implementation of the theory will inspire the faculty to research with some practical theory that can actually be in use tomorrow. And common sense tells us the method between the research area and the implementation area is very different and other perspectives to discovery contribute to the success of the research especially when there are some obstacles on the way which should be eliminated. This might lead the way from good to prominent.

In despite of the advantages that come with the working experience of the faculty, nevertheless, I argue that it suits for all faculty in the universities or colleges. Working experience and real practical implementation is not necessarily the key factor in determining the quality of the instruction when it comes to the fundamental theory course like some mathematics (for example linear algebra). First of all, it is impossible for the faculty to work in the profession since there is not any relevant work that I can imagine. Secondly, even if some occupations are available for him, but可以去掉 don't you think it is more efficient for him to spend the time reading more typical archives to broaden his view and preparing for the lectures than working out of the academic world? Finally, do you think an university have actually enough funds to support a linear algebra professor to work outside? I doubt that.

Moreover, another qualification should add to the statement that faculty should only spend appropriate time working outside the academic area. If the faculty attend to trifles and neglect the essentials, in other word, they spend time working outside immoderately, and meanwhile they don't have time to research in their area or prepare for the lecture, it would be arabian nights to improve the quality of the education.

In conclusion, in most cases the faculty in the college or university should work in the occupation relevant to their academic area to gain experience to improve the quality of education, aside from the unnecessary area, and work shouldn't take over-time.
总的感觉词语用得挺不错，好多我写作时根本就想不到的，赞！
只是由于刻意用长句而忽略了表达的准确性

意见仅供参考呵呵

adam_spearsUID: 2109817

谢谢楼上的点评，发现自己长短句结合用的还欠火候，有些长句用短句组合意思应该表达得更清晰准确，还有就是没太注意词语的重复使用。
谢谢楼上建设性的意见！

yxjessieUID: 194526

我对结尾现在也把握得不好，后面时间一紧就有点慌，赶紧总结两句结尾了。但我看范文总觉得还是有升华的。

adam_spearsUID: 2109817

近期好好研究一下结尾的写法。。。