argument117[０６１０Ｇ－我们的九月]第三次作业

simplearenUID: 2151889

arg117,第一篇arg, 基本上对着两篇范文写的．３h吧耗时
字数５６６，基本没有复杂句式．

In this argument, the business manager of Valu-Mart (VM) stores cites a survey correlating the work-at-home trend and concludes here that VM should increase the stock of home office machines and office supplies so the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of VM. However, this argument suffer from a series of poor assumptions, which render it wholly unpersuasive as it stands.

To begin with, the respondents’ background in the survey mentioned was not offered in the argument. Undoubtedly, the constitution of survey influences the results most, unseemly constitution makes the results weakened, and even damage to the survey in some case. So if the constitution of this survey is not proper, for example , the survey was took in another place without any similarity with the VM’s market place, or the respondents were from a special colony not representative of the large majority. So the manager should provide more background of the survey takers to make sure the data cited was accurate and suitable to VM.

Even assuming that the respondents are representative enough, the concluded more work required from the workplace than they were in the past is much to obscure for decision-maker to absolutely follow the so-called trend. The extent of this trend should be more specific, and some data may better describe the trend which influence the decision of the stores were they given. Obviously, a little increase may not have any meaning to the changes of the stores.

Further, a correlation between unimpressive sales in office-supply departments in the past and the increasing stock of the home office machine and office supply by taking advantage of this work-at-home trend does not necessarily infer a causal relationship. Firstly, the increase in stock of home office machine and office supplies depends on the assumption that the work-at-home trend implies more office work at home. Working types vary from different jobs, so accounting for other works the office-supply is not needed is necessary. Even assuming that the office work in home is really dramatically increased, the two types of the stocks should may have different position in this trend. The home office machine field is a chance to gain more business, but the office supply such as paper, pen, and staplers may not so wise for VM to stock more, the total consumption of these never increase were the sum of the office work not increased because the home consumption would increase while decreasing in workplace.

Finally, even assuming that the need in office machine and office supplies is increased, an increase in VM’s sales would not necessarily make the office-supply departments the most profitable component of the stores. Should VM’s expense turn out higher in stock, they might very well offset increasing revenues, thereby frustrating VM’s efforts to improve its profitability.

In conclusion, the argument was based on an unpersuasive and trustless survey, and unfairly assumes that correlation is tantamount to causation. To strengthen the argument, the author must provide the evidence that prove that survey is suitable and instructive for making decisions of VM, for instance, the background of the respondents and the extent of the referred trend. The author must also provide clear evidence that this trend may lead what commodity consumption to increase so that the increase in stock will more aimed. And the expense of the additional stock also should be speculated in order to achieve high profits.

[ 本帖最后由 simplearen 于 2006-7-27 11:04 编辑 ]

kevin_6603UID: 2170493

117The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

In this argument, the business manager of Valu-Mart (VM) stores cites a survey correlating the work-at-home trend and concludes here that VM should increase the stock of home office machines and office supplies so the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of VM. However, this argument suffer （suffers）from a series of poor assumptions, which render it wholly unpersuasive as it stands.

To begin with, the respondents’ background in the survey mentioned was not offered in the argument. Undoubtedly, the constitution of survey influences the results most, unseemly constitution makes the results weakened, and even damage to the survey in some case. So if the constitution of this survey is not proper, for example , the survey was took in another place without any similarity with the VM’s market place, or the respondents were from a special colony not representative of the large majority. So the manager should provide more background of the survey takers to make sure the data cited was accurate and suitable to VM.

Even assuming that the respondents are representative enough, the concluded more work required from the workplace than they were in the past is much to obscure for decision-maker to absolutely follow the so-called trend. The extent of this trend should be more specific, and some data may better describe the trend which influence the decision of the stores were they given. Obviously, a little increase may not have any meaning to the changes of the stores.（这一段偶看的不是很明白，应该是对于这个trend的攻击吧，最主要第一句偶有点没看懂的说，感觉攻击的不是很透彻）

Further, a correlation between unimpressive sales in office-supply departments in the past and the increasing stock of the home office machine and office supply by taking advantage of this work-at-home trend does not necessarily infer a causal relationship. （个人感觉这句长了点或许拆成小分句会好些，只是建议没说不好哈）Firstly, the increase in stock of home office machine and office supplies depends on the assumption that the work-at-home trend implies more office work at home. Working types vary from different jobs, so accounting for other works the office-supply is not needed is necessary. Even assuming that the office work in home is really dramatically increased, the two types of the stocks should may（又是should 又是may哈） have different position in this trend. The home office machine field is a chance to gain more business, but the office supply such as paper, pen, and staplers may not so wise for VM to stock more, the total consumption of these never increase were the sum of the office work not increased because the home consumption would increase while decreasing in workplace.

Finally, even assuming that the need in office machine and office supplies is increased, an increase in VM’s sales would not necessarily make the office-supply departments the most profitable component of the stores. Should VM’s expense turn out higher in stock, they might very well offset increasing revenues, thereby frustrating VM’s efforts to improve its profitability.

In conclusion, the argument was based on an unpersuasive and trustless survey, and unfairly assumes that correlation is tantamount to causation. To strengthen the argument, the author must provide the evidence that prove that survey is suitable and instructive for making decisions of VM, for instance, the background of the respondents and the extent of the referred trend. The author must also provide clear evidence that this trend may lead what commodity consumption to increase so that the increase in stock will more aimed. And the expense of the additional stock also should be speculated in order to achieve high profits.

不错哈不错哈，偶看不出什么问题哈，这位好象特别喜欢用长句的说，偶水平有限。。。看的累哈

[ 本帖最后由 kevin_6603 于 2006-7-27 10:44 编辑 ]

simplearenUID: 2151889

第三段我想表达的是这个意思：这种趋势只有在程度较大的情况下才是重要的，如果只是轻微的，那么没有商业价值．嗯，是没有表达清楚．

我好像是有点喜欢用长句的，比较贪，老是想在一句话里把意思表达了．－＿－

非常感谢修改啊