argu142 [Smile－B组]第四次作业

vitaminxixiUID: 2159890

142 The article entitled 'Eating Iron' in last month's issue of Eating for Health reported that a recent study found a correlation between high levels of iron in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease. Further, it is well established that there is a link between large amounts of red meat in the diet and heart disease, and red meat is high in iron. On the basis of the study and the well-established link between red meat and heart disease, we can conclude that the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease, then, is most probably a function of the correlation between red meat and heart disease.

outline:
study----high levels of iron/increased risk of heart disease
link----large amounts of red meat/heart disease
        red meat/high in iron
conclusion----high iron levels and heart disease/red meat and heart disease

The arguer states that the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease account for the correlation between red meat and heart disease, because the study showed high levels of iron in the diet can lead to an increased risk of heart disease and read meat which is high in iron has something to do with heart disease. This statement may seem eloquent, but it is described in a vague form and some alternative factors are not taken into account.
The assumption high level of iron is the only causation of increased risk of heart disease that red meat induces is unfounded, for some other elements may also play an important role in establishing the relationship. From this argument, the correlation between large amounts of red meat in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease is not clearly stated. What kind of red meat or it belongs to which livestock can contribute to different composition, for this reason, the author shouldn't rule out other possibilities. On the other hand, the risk of heart disease may have no relationship with the elements of the red meat, but the method people eat it, such as how it is cooked and what time is ate. What's more, while it may be true that it is the red meat cause the high risk of heart disease, but it is equally possible that people with heart disease like to eat red meat. So comprehensive analysis is necessary to identify the actual cause of increased risk of heart disease.
  Either, the established link that red meat is high in iron may be true, however, does that surely mean that the iron can be absorbed by people and finally give rise to heart disease? Common sense tells us different kinds of iron play different role in our body, even some is necessary for our normal exercises. Supposing that the red meat contains some harmful kind of iron and the content is high, but our body is hard to absorb it and it is ejected at last. Then the iron has no sense in influencing our life, let along causing heart disease. Lacking specific information about the iron that involved in red meat and the extent be assimilated, the author's conclusion seems unfounded at all.
  Finally, the study is senseless because any decision aimed at addressing the correlation between high levels of iron in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease must based on thorough investigation of people with heart disease and precise research to delve the cause of it to make the influence of high iron clearly. Nevertheless, any concrete information  isn't showed in the argument, without which the reasoning process appears ungrounded and useless.
  In sum, the author call people's attention to the potential jeopardy of red meat to heart disease, but the correlation is not clearly provided. The conclusion can be improved by gathering more useful message on the correlation, and it can be further improved if the study provides more essential details. Unless precise evidence is drew out, the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease may not be a function of the correlation between red meat and heart disease.

smiles11UID: 2232631

142 The article entitled 'Eating Iron' in last month's issue of Eating for Health reported that a recent study found a correlation between high levels of iron in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease. Further, it is well established that there is a link between large amounts of red meat in the diet and heart disease, and red meat is high in iron. On the basis of the study and the well-established link between red meat and heart disease, we can conclude that the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease, then, is most probably a function of the correlation between red meat and heart disease.

outline:
study----high levels of iron/increased risk of heart disease
link----large amounts of red meat/heart disease
        red meat/high in iron
conclusion----high iron levels and heart disease/red meat and heart disease

The arguer states that the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease account---单复数 for the correlation between red meat and heart disease, because the study showed high levels of iron in the diet can lead to an increased risk of heart disease and read meat which is high in iron has something to do with heart disease. This statement may seem eloquent, but it is described in a vague form and some alternative factors are not taken into account.

The assumption high level of iron is the only causation of increased risk of heart disease that red meat induces is unfounded, for some other elements may also play an important role in establishing the relationship. From this argument, the correlation between large amounts of red meat in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease is not clearly stated. What kind of red meat or it belongs to which livestock can contribute to different composition, for this reason, the author shouldn't rule out other possibilities. On the other hand, the risk of heart disease may have no relationship with the elements of the red meat, but the method people eat it, such as how it is cooked and what time is ate. What's more, while it may be true that it is the red meat that causes cause the high risk of heart disease, but it is equally possible that people with heart disease like to eat red meat---我有点想不起来like 后面什么时候是动名词什么时候不定式了，不过这个理由很好很深刻，就是作者弄错了因果关系！. So comprehensive analysis is necessary to identify the actual cause of increased risk of heart disease.
--我一直没有看懂这一段到底论述的士哪个错误，看了好几遍，主要开始的TS没有懂，Vitamin能否解释一下，是否是红肉不是唯一原因，但是你又没有列举其他原因，比如遗传之类的。

  Either, the established link that red meat is high in iron may be true, however, does that surely mean that the iron can be absorbed by people and finally give rise to heart disease? Common sense tells us different kinds of iron play different role in our body, even some is necessary for our normal exercises---能确定是这个词吗？activity 如何？. Supposing that the red meat contains some harmful kind of iron and the content is high, but our body is hard to absorb it and it is ejected at last. Then the iron has no sense in influencing our life, let along causing heart disease. Lacking specific information about the iron that involved in red meat and the extent--我不知道中间的连接词是否可以省掉 be assimilated, the author's conclusion seems unfounded at all.

  Finally, the study is senseless because any decision aimed at addressing the correlation between high levels of iron in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease must based on thorough investigation of people with heart disease and precise research to delve the cause of it to make the influence of high iron clearly. Nevertheless, any concrete information  isn't showed in the argument, without which the reasoning process appears ungrounded and useless.---这一段有几个词用的非常好--蓝色标出！


  In sum, the author call people's attention to the potential jeopardy of red meat to heart disease, but the correlation is not clearly provided. The conclusion can be improved by gathering more useful message on the correlation, and it can be further improved if the study provides more essential details. Unless precise evidence is drew out, the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease may not be a function of the correlation between red meat and heart disease.

除了第二段有点没有看懂外，其他都很好，用词没的说，而且没有模板的痕迹。哪个第二段也有可能是我理解的问题。这样写下去，到考试的时候，argument肯定没有问题的。加油！

zhy5186612UID: 2167373

142 The article entitled 'Eating Iron' in last month's issue of Eating for Health reported that a recent study found a correlation between high levels of iron in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease. Further, it is well established that there is a link between large amounts of red meat in the diet and heart disease, and red meat is high in iron. On the basis of the study and the well-established link between red meat and heart disease, we can conclude that the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease, then, is most probably a function of the correlation between red meat and heart disease.

outline:
study----high levels of iron/increased risk of heart disease
link----large amounts of red meat/heart disease
        red meat/high in iron
conclusion----high iron levels and heart disease/red meat and heart disease

The arguer states that the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease account for the correlation between red meat and heart disease, because the study showed high levels of iron in the diet can lead to an increased risk of heart disease and read meat which is high in iron has something to do with heart disease. This statement may seem eloquent, but it is described in a vague form and some alternative factors are not taken into account.

The assumption high level of iron is the only causation of increased risk of heart disease that red meat induces is unfounded, for some other elements may also play an important role in establishing the relationship. From this argument, the correlation between large amounts of red meat in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease is not clearly stated. What[What--different] kind of red meat or it  belongs to which [it  belongs to which -->that belonging to different感觉语法有问题] livestock can contribute to different composition, for this reason, the author shouldn't rule out other possibilities[这句话太模糊了，排除其他什么可能性？]. On the other hand, the risk of heart disease may have no relationship with the elements of the red meat, but the method people eat it, such as how it is cooked and what time is ate. [What's more, while it may be true that it is the red meat cause the high risk of heart disease, but it is equally possible that people with heart disease like to eat red meat这句话什么意思，对你的驳斥没有什么用吧？你承认red meat 导致HD，人们又喜欢吃ＲＭ，所以他们患ＨＤ啊，没错，你好像绑作者论证]. So comprehensive analysis is necessary to identify the actual cause of increased risk of heart disease. ［感觉这一段你写得太乱，把那个correlation 和　ｌｉｎｋ的内容杂在一快写了］  

Either, the established link that red meat is high in iron may be true, however, does that　［that--it］ surely mean that the iron can be absorbed by people and finally give rise to heart disease? Common sense tells us different kinds of iron [ iron 指铁元素，你是说铁的不同形态吗？] play different role in our body, even some is necessary for our normal exercises. Supposing that the red meat contains some harmful kind of iron and the content is high, but our body is hard to absorb it and it is ejected at last [but it is hard for our body to absorb and  finally ejected out]. Then the iron has no sense in influencing our life, let along causing heart disease. Lacking specific information about the iron that involved in red meat and the extent be assimilated, the author's conclusion [是那个link不是conclusion吧 ] seems unfounded at all.
  
Finally, the study is senseless because any decision aimed at addressing the correlation between high levels of iron in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease must based on thorough investigation of people with heart disease and precise research to delve the cause of it [，and] to make the influence of high iron clearly. Nevertheless, any concrete information  isn't showed in the argument, without which the reasoning process appears ungrounded and useless [ungrounded and useless 不大妥当吧].  

In sum, the author call people's attention to the potential jeopardy of red meat to heart disease, but the correlation is not clearly provided. The conclusion can be improved by gathering more useful message on the correlation, and it can be further improved if the study provides more essential details. Unless precise evidence is drew out [drew out --provided] , the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease may not be a function of the correlation between red meat and heart disease.

总体评介（大家一个组的，个人意见，我就直说了）
1 文章内容挺丰富，但写得有点乱；句式和词汇挺多，但有些我不确定是否对
2 就这篇A，我个人观点如下：
作者给出了两个关系
第一个关系是：high levels of iron in the diet --〉 increased risk of heart disease
另一个关系是： red meat --〉heart disease
他的结论是：关系high levels of iron--〉 heart disease是关系 red meat --〉heart disease的某种程度上的对应（或函数）
这样我觉着逻辑错误应该是作者用：将概念diet与概念red meat 等同，将概念increased risk of heart disease与概念heart disease等同。
所以主要应该先攻击这两点，然后说那个调查有问题。

vitaminxixiUID: 2159890

The arguer states that the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease account for the correlation between red meat and heart disease, because the study showed high levels of iron in the diet can lead to an increased risk of heart disease and read meat which is high in iron has something to do with heart disease. This statement may seem eloquent, but it is described in a vague form and some alternative factors are not taken into account.
color=quartz第一段：铁－病，肉－病， 推不出铁－肉－病/color
The assumption high level of iron is the only causation of increased risk of heart disease that red meat induces is unfounded, for some other elements may also play an important role in establishing the relationship. From this argument, the correlation between large amounts of red meat in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease is not clearly stated. WhatWhat--different kind of red meat or it  belongs to which it  belongs to which -->that belonging to different感觉语法有问题 livestock can contribute to different composition, for this reason, the author shouldn't rule out other possibilities这句话太模糊了，排除其他什么可能性？color=quartzPerhaps actually it is another element cause heart disease, in which case, iron, no matter whether is high contained, has no relation with heart disease at all.  /color. On the other hand, the risk of heart disease may have no relationship with the elements of the red meat, but the method people eat it, such as how it is cooked and what time is ate. What's more, while it may be true that it is the red meat cause the high risk of heart disease(red meat really linked to high risk of heart disease), but it is equally possible that people with heart disease like to eat red meat(which comes this phenomena into being)这句话什么意思，对你的驳斥没有什么用吧？你承认red meat 导致HD，人们又喜欢吃ＲＭ，所以他们患ＨＤ啊，没错，你好像绑作者论证. So comprehensive analysis is necessary to identify the actual cause of increased risk of heart disease. ［感觉这一段你写得太乱，把那个correlation 和　ｌｉｎｋ的内容杂在一快写了］  
第二段：即时肉含铁量高，但若铁的形式使其不易被吸收，而是其他因素使肉－病，铁－肉－病仍不能被证明
Either, the established link that red meat is high in iron may be true, however, does that　［that--it］ surely mean that the iron can be absorbed by people and finally give rise to heart disease? Common sense tells us different kinds of iron iron 指铁元素，你是说铁的不同形态吗？ play different role in our body, even some is necessary for our normal exercises. Supposing that the red meat contains some harmful kind of iron and the content is high, but our body is hard to absorb it and it is ejected at last but it is hard for our body to absorb and  finally ejected out. Then the iron has no sense in influencing our life, let along causing heart disease. Lacking specific information about the iron that involved in red meat and the extent be assimilated, the author's conclusion 是那个link不是conclusion吧 seems unfounded at all.
color=quartz第三段：  铁－病不成立/color
Finally, the study is senseless because any decision aimed at addressing the correlation between high levels of iron in the diet and an increased risk of heart disease must based on thorough investigation of people with heart disease and precise research to delve the cause of it ，and to make the influence of high iron clearly. Nevertheless, any concrete information  isn't showed in the argument, without which the reasoning process appears ungrounded and useless ungrounded and useless 不大妥当吧.  

In sum, the author call people's attention to the potential jeopardy of red meat to heart disease, but the correlation is not clearly provided. The conclusion can be improved by gathering more useful message on the correlation, and it can be further improved if the study provides more essential details. Unless precise evidence is drew out drew out --provided , the correlation between high iron levels and heart disease may not be a function of the correlation between red meat and heart disease.

恩，这篇是写得乱了，有啥大家就直说，进步最重要嘛，谢谢大家的拍砖
不过现在我逻辑还不是很清楚
小太阳，你的看法我陈述如下：

In the first place, 'diet' can not be simply equal to 'red meat'. In the study, it is high iron level diet being correlated with risk of heart disease. There are many kinds of food, such as beans, grains and potatoes, all of which contains high level iron that would contribute to risk of heart disease. Red meat is just one kind of these foods. It can not be a typical representative of high iron level diet. Without definite information that diet in the study is mainly red meat, the arguer can not make his or her equality between ‘diet’ and ‘red meat’. (个人认为，作者没有说红肉可以代表食物，只是说：当食入大量红肉，即食物中红肉占很大成分，balabala…)

Another fallacy committed by the arguer is that, he or she could not effectively differentiate the 'heart disease’ and ‘increased risk of heart disease'. Risk is just a risk, however risky it may be, it can only indicate the degree of possibility on which a person have a heart disease. While heart disease is a real situation in which people suffer a lot from un-health of their bodies. So, 'increased risk of heart disease' dose not mean factual 'heart disease'. The arguer has neglect or intentionally ignore the difference between 'heart disease’ and ‘increased risk of heart disease'.( 如果我说：食入大量铁会导致心脏病发生率提高，那是不是表明铁与心脏病间存在某种联系那。)

仅说下我有看法的地方把

[ 本帖最后由 vitaminxixi 于 2006-7-30 16:09 编辑 ]

zhy5186612UID: 2167373

我是说他用铁－risk of 病，肉－病这两个关系推不出结论: 关系high levels of iron--〉 heart disease是关系 red meat --〉heart disease的某种程度上的对应（或函数）. 显然肉和含铁食物不能等同，‘作者没有说红肉可以代表食物’ 他说了岂不是自己报漏逻辑漏洞啦
我在我贴里，也回答了这个问题