Argument56 【越洋农场战队】morallrey同主题写作

morallreyUID: 2191298

TOPIC: ARGUMENT56 - Collectors prize the ancient life-size clay statues of human figures made on Kali Island but have long wondered how the Kalinese artists were able to depict bodies with such realistic precision. Since archeologists have recently discovered molds of human heads and hands on Kali, we can now conclude that the ancient Kalinese artists used molds of actual bodies, not sculpting tools and techniques, to create these statues. This discovery explains why Kalinese miniature statues were abstract and entirely different in style: molds could only be used for life-size sculptures. It also explains why few ancient Kalinese sculpting tools have been found. In light of this development, collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease in value and the miniatures to increase in value.

WORDS: 410       TIME: 30         DATE: 2006-8-4

   To justify his recommendation that collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decline in value and miniature to enhance in value, the author states in the argument a discovery of human heads and hands on Kali. In addition, to weaken such hypothesis that ancient Kalinese artists didn't utilize tools and techniques, the arguer also mentioned few ancient kalinese sculpting tools have been found. However, the argument suffers from several critical fallacies as it stands.

To begin with, without any cogent evidence, the arguer simply conclude that the ancient Kalinese artists used molds of actual bodies, basing on a survey which discovered molds of human heads and hands on Kali. This reasoning is seriously incoherent since many possibility can be made as conclusion on the methods which the ancient Kalinese artist takes. On the one hand, the molds discovered may not be tools for sculpting works, but for some other use such as symbolize a tribe, worshiped as token, or make certain analysis, etc. On the other hand, molds will not necessarily be utilized as major implements to sculpt, but may be auxiliary tools used by ancient artists to perfect their works. Therefore, without definite instruction what these molds mentioned in the argument are used for, the assumption that they are molds of actual bodies for artists is weakened.

Second, using molds of actual bodies does simply rule out the probability that some other methods had been taken. The viewpoint that ancient Kalinese artists didn't use sculpt tools is absurd. Since as known to all, an supreme art would incorporate quantities elements of art in their works in order to better their image or connotation, the sole presumption that such methods as sculpting tools and techniques are not used is of doubt, hence render his recommendation unreliable.

What's more, the arguer had naively attribute the situation that few ancient Kalinese sculpting tools have been found to a false assumption that they are not abundant in amount. Obviously, this line of reasoning has imprudently not account for some other possibility why so few sculpting tools have been found. For instance, maybe the archaeology then is not developed enough to detect completely underground tools, or perhaps these tools are buried deeply by ancient Kalinese, or was covered by the rock or mote ejected by a vocalno. If these were the case , then the assumption that that few tools have been found is the result of their unpopular among ancient artists is groundless.

pewcg8UID: 2143213

看过:
1.建议减少开头的重述部分!
2.建议再写一个结尾段出来.
3.B2的展开不如别的几个好.
4.naively 这样的词不要出现吧,不要涉及攻击作者本身.

lyoncoUID: 2200701

老实说，各句的连接有点问题，文章语言incoherent。

morallreyUID: 2191298

谢谢大家的建议
开头再想想法子改进改进。
结尾写的时候发现没有时间。不过上新东方的时候老师说如果前面总结得比较充分
结尾可舍掉，不知道可不可行。
naivevy用的确实不妥