argument237 我们的九月小组-----第十六次作业

maggie-leeUID: 2220892

argument237
483个字  
In the article of the local newspaper in Beauville, the author claims that the Beauville should follow the same strategy so as to promote the economy and settle the employment problems in local area. In order to make the recommendation acceptable, the author cites the experience of Dillton. However, the following problems with article significantly weaken the reliability and credibility of the claim.

First of all, the author fails to provide evidence and reasoning to convince us that the two manufacturing firms' relocations in Dillton are due to the financial incentives presented by the government. It is totally possible that the two firms are attracted to Dillton by the competitive labor cost, inexpensive estate rent and so on. To substantiate the assumption, what is imperative for the author to do is that some survey on the reasons why the two firms choose to move to Dillton should be carried out. Or else, the new policy might have nothing to do with the entering of new companies.

Secondly, the promoting effect of the new policy is not supported by sufficient evidence in the article. Although the two manufacturing companies relocated in Dillon, the number is too limited to expect a large impetus to the local economy. Besides, merely 600 new employment opportunities are created in the process, and compared with the possible large population, the melioration to the condition of unemployment might not be so satisfactory. Additionally, considering the implementation of the new policy already for a year and a half, the speed for the improvement of economy and job market is relatively slow; therefore whether the same financial inducements will bring the anticipated effects is still open to doubt.

What is more, the city of Beauville should not simply imitate Dillton in the adoption of new policies, without a considerate and complete comparison between the two cities in many aspects, including economic environment, geographical location, and the current policy concerning the relocation of company and so on. For instance, if the location of Beauville is not convenient and far away from freeway, main roads, investors will be unwilling to move their companies there simply for the tax reducing and financial stimulus which may even be able to make up the extra cost for poor location. In addition, if the labor cost is relatively high compared with the neighboring areas, the CEOs are also reluctant to relocate in Beauville. In a word, the decision of a company's location is a rather complicated process, many factors should be considered; therefore, in order to make a attractive policy to have more companies locate in the local areas, it is necessary for the government to have comprehensive understanding of those factors.

To sum up, the author has to provide more convincing and persuasive evidence to make his claim acceptable. Furthermore, some surveys on the differences between two cities are needed, since policy should not be copied simply.

fanfancy1026UID: 2126743

argument237
483个字  
In the article of the local newspaper in Beauville(l罗唆，这里我觉得不需要什么特别，直接说in the argument就可以了), the author claims that the Beauville should follow the same strategy so as to promote the economy and settle the employment problems in local area. In order to make the recommendation acceptable, the author cites the experience of Dillton. However，the following problems with article significantly weaken the reliability and credibility of the claim.（我觉得没有必要在这开头浪费笔墨和心思，只要把论点，论据还有说明有问题表达出来了就可以）,

First of all, the author fails to provide evidence and reasoning to convince us that the two manufacturing firms' relocations in Dillton are due to the financial incentives presented by the government.（意思到了，表达不精练，再学学好句子吧，不过我也写不好主题句的） It is totally（别扭，entirely舒服点） possible that the two firms are might beattracted to Dillton by the competitive labor cost, inexpensive estate rent and so on（可以尽量多举点例子啊）.To substantiate the assumption, what is imperative for the author to do is that some survey on the reasons why the two firms choose to move to Dillton should be carried out. Or else, the new policy might have nothing to do with the entering of new companies.

Secondly, the promoting effect of the new policy is not supported by sufficient evidence in the article（不地道）. Although the two manufacturing companies relocated in Dillon, the number is too limited to expect a large impetus to the local economy. Besides, merely 600 new employment opportunities are created in the process, and compared with the possible large population, the melioration to the condition of unemployment might not be so satisfactory. Additionally, considering the implementation of the new policy already for a year and a half, the speed for the improvement of economy and job market is relatively slow; therefore whether the same financial inducements will bring the anticipated effects is still open to doubt.其实这一点跟第一点重复，也就是作者根本没有说出足够的证据来证明减税以及提供其他优惠待遇是否成功有效这一点。

What is more, the city of Beauville should not simply imitate Dillton in the adoption of new policies, without a considerate and complete comparison between the two cities in many aspects, including economic environment, geographical location, and the current policy concerning the relocation of company and so on. For instance, if the location of Beauville is not convenient and far away from freeway, main roads, investors will be unwilling to move their companies there simply for the tax reducing and financial stimulus which may even be able to make up the extra cost for poor location. In addition, if the labor cost is relatively high compared with the neighboring areas, the CEOs are also reluctant to relocate in Beauville. In a word, the decision of a company's location is a rather complicated process, many factors should be considered; therefore, in order to make a attractive policy to have more companies locate in the local areas, it is necessary for the government to have comprehensive understanding of those factors.
最好在论述理由的时候用虚拟语气。
To sum up, the author has to provide more convincing and persuasive evidence to make his claim acceptable. Furthermore, some surveys on the differences between two cities are needed, since policy should not be copied simply.

其实你就论证了两点，一点是地Dilton采取的策略是否真的对其有效，
二是B是否可以照搬Dilton采取的策略，
其实还有其他的问题，如either or thinking， 不是只有dilton采取的这两种策略才可以relocatecompanies，可能还有其他的方法
还有即便采取D的两种策略，B就一定解决失业等其他问题吗，unwarranted assumption，我每次也是在看别人的文章之后也才会发现其实有满多攻击点的，至于怎么攻击，大家都好像都一个通病，我觉得我们论证的时候的逻辑性都不是很强，可能还要多看点北美范文，还要多看些好句子！
在严肃的问题上我说话比较尖锐，海涵！

[ 本帖最后由 fanfancy1026 于 2006-8-11 15:03 编辑 ]