argument154 我们的九月

juzijuntuanUID: 2231815

WORDS: 422          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-8-16

The author recommends that vigorous outdoor exercise is advantageous to longevity, thus doctors should encourage vigorous out exercise on a daily basis to their patients. However, the recommendation is questionable and unpersuasive, for a careful examination exposes several flaws in some aspects.

First, the author bases his conclusion on the result of a study, which is problematic and unconvincing. Since the sample in the study is 500 middle-aged men, if the result is reasonable, it is only suitable for man, and whether it is also the fact among women is not investigated. Besides, the amount of sample is a little bit fewer, for less sample may decrease the representiveness of the result of study. Thus, further study should be practiced on the situation of women, and more samples should be cited to improve the representiveness of the result.

Moreover, the result of study is not necessary and unconvincing. For one hand, the result depends on the report of respondents, and whether all of the 500 samples responded is unknown, if the respondents are of a small amount, then the representiveness of the result will be declined. For the other hand, the health conditions of respondents are not provided, whether all of them are dead without sickness is not cited, so that it is equally possible that the respondents exercised mildly dead early for incurable diseases rather than less of exercise. As a result, without dispelling the other possibilities contributed to an early dead, the result of study is not unconvincing.

The last, even the result of study is cogent, that vigorous outdoor exercise on a daily basis will benefit longevity, it is over simple to suggest doctors recommend their patients encourage vigorous outdoor exercise on a daily bases. Because the diseases of patients are different, and not every of them will be beneficial with vigorous outdoor exercise, some may even be harmful to exercise, such as the patient with heart disease, vigorous exercise will aggravate the work of heart, leading to the damage to heart. Thus, doctor should recommend their patient based on their cases rather than treat them as the same.

To sum up, the author makes his recommendation based on a unconvincing result of a study and lack of comprehensive consideration of the condition of patients, therefore, the argument is invalid and further study on the situation of exercise and longevity among woman and more information about the sample to make the study more persuasive should be offered and takes the condition of patients into accounted to make the argument cogent.

simplearenUID: 2151889

argument154 我们的九月

WORDS: 422          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-8-16

The author recommends that vigorous outdoor exercise is advantageous to longevity, thus doctors should encourage vigorous out exercise（？？？） on a daily basis to their patients. However, the recommendation is questionable and unpersuasive, for a careful examination exposes several flaws in some aspects.（for是介词，后面不跟句子）

First, the author bases his conclusion on the result of a study, which is problematic and unconvincing. Since the sample in the study is 500 middle-aged men, if the result is reasonable, it is only suitable for man, and whether it is also the fact among women is not investigated. Besides, the amount of sample is a little bit（又little又bit） fewer, for less sample may decrease the representiveness of the result of study. Thus, further study should be practiced on the situation of women, and more samples should be cited to improve the representiveness of the result.

Moreover, the result of study is not necessary(结果对什么是不必要的？) and unconvincing. For one hand, the result depends on the report of respondents, and whether all of the 500 samples responded is unknown, if the respondents are of a small amount, then the representiveness of the result will be declined. For the other hand, the health conditions of respondents are not provided, whether all of them are dead without sickness is not cited, so that it is equally possible that the respondents exercised mildly dead early for incurable diseases rather than less of exercise. As a result, without dispelling the other possibilities contributed to an early dead, the result of study is not unconvincing.（说来说去还是代表性的问题，不知道你和第一段是根据什么来分的）

The last, even the result of study is cogent, that vigorous outdoor exercise on a daily basis will benefit longevity, it is over simple to suggest doctors recommend their patients encourage （又recommend 又encourage，一句话里连了两个动词原形）vigorous outdoor exercise on a daily bases. Because the diseases of patients are different, and not every of them will be beneficial with vigorous outdoor exercise, some may even be harmful to exercise, such as the patient with heart disease, vigorous exercise will aggravate the work of heart, leading to the damage to heart. Thus, doctor should recommend their patient（patients） based on their cases rather than treat them as the same.

To sum up, the author makes his recommendation based on a unconvincing result of a study and lack of comprehensive consideration of the condition of patients, therefore, the argument is invalid and further study on the situation of exercise and longevity among woman and more information about the sample to make the study more persuasive should be offered and takes the condition of patients into accounted to make the argument cogent.

好像还有一点：就是这些被调查人的长寿与运动之间的因果关系。

写得不错啊，起码字数很厉害了，多注意一点有些明显的句子结构上的错误,最后几天坚持住啊